Phantasmagoria
by djewellz
Summary: It's been a few years since the Winter War with Aizen and things in Soul Society are going pretty well. That is...until Ichigo's physical body dies and he passes on to become a Soul Reaper. But why the hell is Renji the only one he remembers? RenjixIchigo
1. Surprises

"Ichigo Kurosaki is dead."

Renji's heart skipped a beat as he looked up at his Captain, his eyes both narrowing and widening, if that were physically possible. "Er, what?" he asked stupidly. He must've not heard the other man right. He thought that he'd heard that Ichigo was dead. He snuck a glance at Rukia, who was sitting beside him in her brother's office. She looked just as stunned.

"Must I repeat myself?" Byakuya asked stiffly. "Ichigo Kurosaki is dead."

"No, seriously, Captain Kuchiki, what's up?" Renji asked, shaking his head. That couldn't be true. It just couldn't. Come on, Ichigo was one of the strongest Soul Reaper's who'd ever lived. The guy who took out Kenpachi Zaraki, Aizen and his former Captain. He couldn't have died. Renji had just seen him a few weeks ago on a mission to the world of the living. He'd been perfectly healthy then.

Rukia looked over at Renji hesitantly. "Renji, my brother wouldn't be joking about something like this," she said, her voice shaking with suppressed emotion. Renji sank back into his chair, not quite believing what he'd been told. It couldn't be true…could it? "Brother," Rukia went on, "what happened? Was it an attack?"

Renji snorted. "Ya really think that Hollows could take out that kid?" he asked.

Rukia and her brother both ignored him. "It wasn't a Hollow attack," Byakuya said quietly. "It was merely an accident."

"What kind of accident?" Rukia asked; her voice was very soft.

"Are you familiar with the form of transportation used in the world of the living known as a car?" Byakuya asked. Rukia and Renji both nodded; they'd spent enough time with Ichigo and his friends that they'd gotten the basics of the mortal culture down. Renji felt a sinking feeling developing in the pit of his stomach; he had an idea of where this was going. "Apparently, he was involved in something known as a car accident while he was going to work."

Rukia's hands immediately went to her mouth, her eyes widening in horror. She'd had the most experience in the world of the living, after all. She'd seen the wreckage and ruin caused by car accidents. It was rarely a pretty sight. "Did…did he die instantly?" she asked timidly.

Byakuya shook his head. "He was still alive when they took him to a hospital," he said. "I believe such a place is similar to the fourth company's relief stations?" Rukia nodded. "According to the reports that Urahara have sent us, he was in very bad condition. There was very little they could do." Rukia clenched her jaw shut, holding back the sobs that threatened to pour from her throat. But she couldn't stop the tears that fell from her eyes. She wiped them away irritably; she couldn't cry now. Crying was a sign of weakness. And now was certainly not a time to be weak.

"He's gone then," Renji said in disbelief; unlike Rukia, he was showing no signs of emotion. His eyes had merely taken on a blank look, a hollowness of sorts that was almost more painful to watch than to witness someone's emotions.

"That is incorrect," Byakuya said stiffly. Renji and Rukia both looked at him. "Naturally, Kurosaki had a soul like any other human being. Urahara was there to make sure that he passed on to this world. So he is probably just now getting to Rukongai at this point."

"But he won't remember anything," Rukia pointed out. "He won't be Ichigo anymore." She shook her head sadly, fresh tears squeezing their way out of her violet eyes. "He won't even remember us."

"That, too, is incorrect," Byakuya said patiently. Rukia gave a look as if she thought he were crazy. "Urahara knew that something like this would happen eventually, and thus made preparations so that when he did pass on, Kurosaki would retain all of his memories of becoming a Soul Reaper, as well as those about his participation in the Winter War."

"Urahara knew Ichigo was going to die?" Rukia asked furiously. "And he didn't do anything?" Her voice was quickly changing from sad to angry.

"No," Byakuya said curtly. "Urahara knew that Kurosaki was mortal, and would die someday, be it because of an accident, an attack or natural causes. He has made preparations for all of Kurosaki's friends in case they meet the same fate. For all of them have enough spiritual power to become Soul Reapers eventually, even if they are not nearly as powerful as Kurosaki himself."

"So Ichigo'll just come to the Seireitei and knock on the gate?" Renji guessed.

Byakuya sighed lightly. "No, Renji, he will not just come to the front gate and ask for entrance," he said. "Urahara said that it would take several days for Kurosaki's memories to return to him. We will give him time to regain himself and then we will go searching for him." He then fixed both his former lieutenant and his sister with a stern glance. "I do not want either of you going out to look for him before the end of the week, at the earliest. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Renji said quietly.

"Yes, brother," Rukia echoed him.

"Very well, then," Byakuya said. "That is all that I wished to speak with you about. You may leave."

* * *

"I just can't believe he's really dead," Ikkaku said, staring down into his sake. "The kid doesn't seem like someone who'd die." He shook his head.

"Everyone dies eventually, Ikkaku," Yumichika said.

"Yeah, I know," Ikkaku said. "But it's just…ah, hell, you know what I mean."

Renji snorted. "Yeah," he said. "I feel ya, Ikkaku." Rukia had suggested that they go out and gather up their friends – rather, the group of friends that the two of them had formed with Ichigo during the Winter War – and tell them the news. They'd gone to a bar, and Renji had thoroughly intended to get completely smashed…but now that he was here, with sake right in front of him, drinking was the last thing he felt like doing, and that was saying something.

Rangiku lay her head down on Shuhei's shoulder, looking uncharacteristically sad. "So we can't go out and look for him until the end of this week?" she asked. Rukia shook her head bitterly. Renji gave her a sympathetic glance. He knew better than anybody that she wanted to go and find him now. He meant a lot to her; he had challenged all of the Soul Society to save her, after all. Hell, even _he _would feel attached to Ichigo if the guy had saved his ass like that.

"Do you think they'll make him go through the Academy before he becomes a real Soul Reaper?" Shuhei asked thoughtfully.

"Not everyone goes through that shithole," Ikkaku says, rolling his eyes. "God knows I didn't."

"As if you could have sat still long enough to pay attention in a school, Ikkaku," Yumichika said, smiling fondly at his friend. Ikkaku shot him a glance that made the feminine man look away and everyone else merely chuckle.

"Ikkaku's right, but not every division is as lenient as the eleventh," Rukia pointed out. "It's pretty rare for a Soul Reaper to join the Thirteen Court Guard Squads without going through the Academy."

"I can't really see Ichigo goin' to school here," Renji said, smirking.

"Me neither," Rukia agreed, a faint smile tracing her lips.

"Heh, well, at least I got somethin' to tease him about the next time I see him," the red-head continued.

* * *

Ichigo lay on his back, staring up at the incredibly blue sky above him. He didn't know where he was, he didn't even know who _he _was, other than his name. He could have gotten up and started to move around, but he didn't feel like doing that either. He just lay there, staring as the puffy white clouds moved across the sky.

"Are you okay, mister?" a high-pitched voice asked.

Ichigo turned his head slightly, looking at the little boy standing there. He was dressed plainly; everything about him was a shade of brown, Ichigo noted. His curly hair was dark brown, his wide eyes were light brown and his clothes were all varying shades of the earthy color. He looked down at himself and was relieved to notice that his own clothes were a dusty, olive green. He looked back at the kid. "Who are you?" he asked.

"Uh, my name's Shinji," he said quietly.

_Shinji._ The name was so familiar to Ichigo, but he couldn't remember anything other than that. He could…almost…see a face, but it was blurry. He could…almost…hear a voice, but it was muted. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Well, thanks for askin', but I'm fine," he said, returning to looking at the sky.

"Then why're you lyin' on the ground like that?" the little boy asked.

"There's nothin' better to do," Ichigo said quietly.

"Oh," Shinji said. "Well, if you get bored, you should come into town for a bit! There's lots of people just like us there!"

Ichigo nodded and faintly smiled, staring over at the little kid. "I'll remember that," he said. "Thanks." The little boy smiled broadly and then ran off, leaving Ichigo once again on his own. Shinji. Where had he heard that name before? His face fell into its habitual scowl as he resumed his studying of the clouds. This place…it was peaceful. For some reason, his mind was telling him that that wasn't true, that this place wasn't peaceful. It was a war zone. But he knew that couldn't be true. There wasn't anything here that could hurt anybody. It was just…peace incarnate.

* * *

It took Rukia and Renji all they had to just survive until the end of that week. Rukia threw herself into her duties as the new lieutenant of thirteenth division, working herself so hard that she was too tired to think about Ichigo's current situation. Renji, on the other hand, hated paperwork. Since he had been instated as the fifth division Captain after the Winter War, he'd been given a lot more deskwork to do, replacing a lot of the time he'd spent working with new recruits and training. He wasn't as tired as Rukia was, and thus had more time to think of complications.

What if Ichigo didn't remember anything? What happened then? What if something had gone wrong during Urahara's memory transferring process? Would they seriously have to start from scratch with the boy?

He sighed and pushed his chair back from his office desk. He didn't even want to think about having to reeducate Ichigo Kurosaki about being a Soul Reaper. He had never considered himself a religious person before, but now, he found himself praying to whatever gods where out there that Ichigo remembered who he was. He didn't even want to think about possible complications.

* * *

Friday morning dawned bright and sunny. Renji had already cleared his schedule for the day, making sure that Momo – who was his lieutenant now – had her instructions for the day. Rukia was taking a day off today as well. Together, they were going to go search Rukongai for Ichigo. Seeing as how they knew it best, they were going to be working with Ikkaku and Yumichika, who knew Rukongai pretty well themselves.

Renji quickly made his way to where they were all meeting, dressed simply in his shihakusho. He'd decided against wearing his Captain's haori; for one thing, it itched like hell, and for another, it would get filthy with all the dirt around Rukongai. He had his Zabimaru with him, but that was more out of habit than actual necessity. He sincerely doubted that there were going to be any Hollows roaming around the slums of Soul Society.

Rukia was already there, waiting patiently. Renji ran over to her; she smiled excitedly when she saw him. "I really hope we find him today," she said. "Though I'm a little surprised that we haven't heard any reports about finding a source of incredible reiatsu." She looked up at her friend. "Does that seem suspicious to you?"

"Heh, maybe the bastard's finally learned to suppress it," he replied, though he doubted that. The day Ichigo learned to successfully suppress his reiatsu was the day Renji would happily dye his hair pink. He looked over when he sensed Ikkaku and Yumichika approaching. Their faces looked just as anticipating and excited as they were, though their movements weren't as jittery as Rukia's were.

As they started out through the gate, Ikkaku asked, "So, where are we startin'? Got any general ideas?"

"We'll start in this area around the gate, and then branch out," Renji said, taking command without thinking. A couple years as a Captain and he'd already grow accustomed to giving out orders. In secret, Rukia was proud of her oldest friend. But she'd never admit that to his face. He'd only get embarrassed. "I think we should all split up. Four people can cover more ground, ya know."

Ikkaku grinned at his friend. "If I didn't know you better, Renji, I'd say you were excited to go find Ichigo," he said.

Renji gave him a defensive look. "So what if I am?" he asked. "We're all friends now." He shrugged off Ikkaku's smirk gruffly and turned to talk to Rukia, asking if she knew a particular place that Ichigo might gravitate to.

Meanwhile, Ikkaku turned to Yumichika, and smirked. Yumichika smiled delicately and nodded in understanding. Even if Renji didn't know it himself yet, they knew how much their friend missed the orange-haired Soul Reaper when he wasn't around. They were glad to help out; Ichigo had been a good friend to them too, and it had been a shock to learn that he'd died. Who thought that a car would've taken out the mighty Ichigo Kurosaki?

When they closed in on the outskirts of Rukongai, they all split up and headed off in different directions, using shunpo to easily take to the rooftops. Every now and then, they would question a bystander, asking if they'd seen a young man with bright orange hair and a permanent scowl on his face. 

They also used their reiatsu to attempt to sense any traces of his familiar spirit energy, but they were still too far away to catch anything.

Soon enough, they were in the countryside, running across open fields as they searched for their friend. Rukia went and visited the home of Kukaku Shiba, wanting to know if perhaps she or Ganju had seen him, but her answer was no. Ikkaku naturally gravitated towards the lower ranking districts of Rukongai where he'd first met his Captain. But it didn't look as if Ichigo was there. Ikkaku was sure that if he'd landed in any of the lower districts, he would've gotten into fights. And with his spiritual pressure, there was no way that people wouldn't have felt it.

Renji found himself drawn to the bustle of district 78, Inuzuri, his old home. He couldn't say why he was drawn there. He just had a feeling that perhaps there was something there. Sure enough, as soon as he came within sight of the busier marketplace, he caught a hint of a familiar reiatsu. He slowed down to a walk and pulled out the communicator that was identical to the ones the others carried. He put it up to his mouth and said, "I can sense him. He's close by me."

"What district are you in?" Yumichika buzzed in from his link. "I'm currently in 68."

"Are you where I think you are, Renji?" Rukia asked; he could feel the grin that was on her face as she asked her question, even though he couldn't see her.

"Yeah," Renji said, following the reiatsu that was so familiar. "78."

"I'm in 79," Ikkaku said. "I'll be there in a sec."

Renji put his communicator back in his pocket. He began looking around for the spiky orange hair, Ichigo's trademark characteristic. He didn't see anybody in town who even remotely resembled his friend, so he went out along the district limits, towards the edge of the river where he'd used to play as a child. The reiatsu was getting stronger now. A flash at his side was Ikkaku, using shunpo to catch up with him.

"He's here alright," Ikkaku said, immediately sensing Ichigo's presence. "You seen him yet?"

"Not yet," Renji replied. "I didn't see him in the marketplace."

"Hey, what's that?" Ikkaku asked, frowning. He nodded to what appeared to be a body lying down in the grass. "Is that…is that a body?"

"Looks like it," Renji said grimly. He knew firsthand how hard it was to survive in Inuzuri. Perhaps someone hadn't been so fortunate. He motioned for Ikkaku to follow him as he approached the corpse. But it quickly became clear, as he got closer and closer, that it wasn't a corpse at all, but a living person. When he was about ten feet away, he blinked. Was that…was that…orange hair? "Ichigo?" he called out tentatively, hoping for a reaction.


	2. Who Are You Again?

Well, I figured that since this was already up on my LiveJournal, I'd go ahead and put up chapter two while I'm working on writing chapter three, which is gonna be split up in two parts. But wow, I didn't expect this to get that many reviews on just the first chapter. Thanks everybody!! Also, this is completely not beta-ed. So if there's a mistake, I'm sorry!!

* * *

"Ichigo?"

Ichigo heard someone call out his name, and blinked in surprise. He was pretty sure that no one here knew who he was. He sure as hell didn't know anybody here. He slowly pushed himself up off the ground, turning around to see the owner of that voice. He immediately saw two people to his left; one of them was bald, and was staring at him with a grin on his face. The other was a bit more interesting-looking. His ruby-colored hair was put up in a spiky ponytail and he had strange black tattoos over his eyebrows that spiked up across his forehead. It was him who had spoken.

Suddenly, a splitting pain went through his head. He grunted and clutched his head with a hand. "Ichigo?" the man asked again, this time sounding worried. But Ichigo ignored him; he was just bent over the ground, holding his head, waiting for the aching pain to dim away. Behind his eyes, a blur of events and memories flooded out of his mind. And in all of them, he saw this man, either talking to him or fighting or doing something.

But just as soon as he thought the pain wasn't going away, it vanished, completely. He blinked and sat up again. The red-head was still staring at him, a nervous expression on his face. _Renji._ That was his name. It was Renji. But…what was he wearing? And why did he have a sword at his side? Did that have anything to do with the giant snake-like creature that he'd seen in his mind? "Renji?" he asked.

The man looked instantly visibly relieved. He closed the gap between them and offered Ichigo a hand to help him up. Ichigo took it hesitantly. They looked at each other for a minute, and then Ichigo looked down at the man's clothes. "What are you wearing?" he asked. "And why do you have a sword with you?"

Renji blinked at him. "You serious?" he asked. "You should at least know the name of the sword that's given you so many scars." He reached out a hand and pulled down on the fabric near Ichigo's neck. Ichigo opened his mouth to protest, but his words caught in his mouth when he saw the scar there on his shoulder. It was…broad, and slightly raised, as if it had been a very serious injury.

He looked up at the other man. "You did this to me?" he asked softly. "When?"

"You don't remember?" Renji asked quietly, frowning. Ichigo shook his head. "But you know who I am?" Ichigo nodded. Renji stared at him for a moment longer and then looked back at the man who was with him. "Hey, come here!" he said. The bald man came over to him, standing a few feet back. "You know him?" Renji asked Ichigo, jerking his head at the bald man.

Ichigo turned to study the man, who was frowning now. He looked…familiar, but Ichigo couldn't say that he'd ever seen him before. He shook his head. "Am I supposed to know him?" he asked. Renji stared at him as if something was wrong with him. "What?" he asked, uncomfortably.

"Renji!" someone called from behind them. Ichigo looked at the newcomers; there were two of them. One was a man with shoulder-length black hair; he had strange feathery things coming off one of 

his eyes and the eyebrow above it. The other was a short woman with black hair and wide violet eyes. Like with the bald man, they all looked familiar, as if he'd seen them before, but he couldn't remember names, or even memories involving them.

The two reached them a few moments later. The man went to stand beside the bald man, but the woman went right past Renji and threw her arms around Ichigo. Ichigo froze, looking down at the black hair that just barely reached the top of his shoulders. He didn't hug her back; he didn't even know this person! She must have sensed that he was uncomfortable though because she pulled back from him and glared at him. "What's the matter with you, dummy?" she asked. "It's not like I've got a disease or something!"

Ichigo blinked at her. "Do I know you?" he asked, frowning.

She froze, the smile on her face fading. "What're you talking about?" she asked. "Of course you know me." He blinked at her. "Oh, come on, how do you think you met all of us? It was my fault. You know, you came to rescue me when I was going to be executed. I made you a Soul Reaper."

He tilted his head at her slightly. "Why were you gonna be executed?" he asked. "Did you break the law or something?"

Her breath caught in her throat. She looked to Renji, who looked at her. Her eyes were wide with hurt and confusion. "What's the matter with him?" she asked quietly. "He doesn't remember any of us!"

"Well, he remembers me," Renji said uncertainly. "But he doesn't remember what Soul Reapers are. Didn't even recognize Zabimaru. Just asked me why I had a sword with me."

"So he just recognizes your face?" she asked. Renji nodded. "Then why doesn't he recognize me?"

Ichigo frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. That was really annoying; he was standing right here! Why were they talking about him as if he didn't even exist? He cleared his throat. They both turned to look at him. "I'm standin' right here, you know," he said irritably. "I can hear you."

"You honestly don't know who I am?" the woman asked. Ichigo shook his head. "But it's me," she said, coming to stand right in front of him. "Rukia."

_Rukia. _The name was familiar, just as Shinji's had been. But he didn't recognize her, or any of the other people gathered around them. She looked up at him, and there was a certain pleading in her eyes. "Don't you know me, of all people?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," Ichigo said.

She turned around instantly; her shoulders shook one or two times, and then she walked back over to stand with the other two men Ichigo didn't recognize. When she turned around to face him 

again, she looked composed, a blank mask over her features. It was as if the past few moments had never happened. "What's going on?" he asked uncertainly, looking from Renji to the other three.

"You don't remember who you are?" Renji asked. Ichigo shook his head. "Then why do you remember me?"

"I don't know," Ichigo said defensively. "And I don't know that much. I just remember that you didn't like me when we first met. And…I remember fightin' you. I won. And then you asked me to…help you…do somethin'. I can't remember what. And sometimes you'd come visit me. But…you always wore really weird clothes." He heard snickers from one of the other men, and looked up; the bald man had laughed at what he'd just said.

Renji shot the man a glare and then took a step towards Ichigo. "What else can you remember?" he asked.

"There was…somethin'," he said slowly. "I don't know what it was. It looked like a giant snake, only…it was segmented…and it had this weird red thing around its neck, like a mane or somethin'. And there was…no, never mind."

"No, what was it?" Renji pressed.

"Well, it was…it was somethin'…black…long and black," Ichigo said uncertainly. "But it wasn't yours. It was…mine. But I dunno what it was."

"Was it a sword?" Renji asked.

"Yeah, that's what it was!" Ichigo said, recognition gleaming in his eyes. "It was a sword!" He frowned. "But why would I have a sword?"

Renji sighed and half turned to face his companions. "I think we need to take him back to the Seireitei," he said. "He's obviously got no clue who he is."

"I know who I am!" Ichigo said indignantly. "I'm Ichigo Kurosaki!"

"Is that all you know?" Renji asked, flicking his reddish eyes back over to him.

"What else is there to know?" Ichigo asked defensively.

"Exactly," Renji said. "That's why we're takin' you back to my old Captain." He walked over to Ichigo and grabbed one of his arms, pulling him over to the rest of them a bit. "Come on."

"Wait!" Ichigo said, tearing his arm away from the other's grasp. "Where are you takin' me?"

"Just come on," Renji said. Ichigo was still hesitant, looking down at Renji's hand suspiciously. "I ain't gonna hurt you. And trust me, you'll be fine. No one else is gonna hurt you either. We just wanna know if you remember anybody else but me." He extended his hand out further towards Ichigo.

"Okay," Ichigo said finally, stepping forward. He hesitantly placed his hand in Renji's. "But how are we gettin' there?"

"Heh," Renji said, easily hoisting Ichigo up over his shoulder. "Since you obviously don't remember how to use shunpo, I'm gonna have to carry you, or we'll never get back before the gate closes."

"What are you doing?" Ichigo demanded, embarrassed that he was now thrown over Renji's shoulder. "Let me go!" He struggled against the hand that Renji had wrapped around his waist to keep him on his shoulder.

"Do you really wanna walk all the way back to the Seireitei?" Renji demanded. "It's a good ways away."

"Fine," Ichigo said sullenly. "Just don't do anything funny."

Renji snickered and smacked Ichigo's ass teasingly. "Course not, strawberry," he said.

"What the hell was that for?" Ichigo demanded, straightening enough to glare the back of Renji's head. "And my name is Ichigo, not strawberry!"

"Yeah, yeah, quiet down," Renji said. And all of a sudden, he shunpo-ed away, leaving Ichigo breathless.

Ikkaku and Yumichika watched as Rukia bounded away after Renji and Ichigo. "Well, one thing's for sure," Ikkaku said. "He's the same old Ichigo, even if he don't remember any of us." Yumichika nodded.

* * *

About an hour later, Ichigo found himself sitting in a chair in front a desk. The man behind the desk was staring at him with a calculating expression in his eyes, as if he were sizing him up. He didn't like the look. Shifting uncomfortably, he looked over at Renji, who was standing behind the man with his arms crossed over his chest. The woman named Rukia was sitting down in another chair next to the door. She wouldn't even look at him.

He felt somewhat bad about that. But what could he do? He honestly didn't know her, and it would be horrible to pretend that he did just to make her feel better. But…why was her face so familiar? He could've sworn that he'd seen her somewhere…but where would he have met her? And when? And why? It was all very frustrating. Why couldn't he just remember, dammit?!

"Kurosaki," the man behind the desk said. Ichigo looked up at him warily. "Do you know who I am?"

"No," Ichigo said. "Should I?"

Renji snorted. Ichigo looked up at him, frowning. "If there's anyone you would remember hatin', it's this guy," he said, grinning.

Ichigo looked back at the dark-haired man. "I hate you?" he asked. "Why? Did we fight?" The man just blinked at him, as if he couldn't quite understand what Ichigo was saying. "We did, didn't we?" Ichigo asked, misinterpreting the man's silence. "Ah, yeah, sorry 'bout that. I have a bit of a temper sometimes." He scratched his head ruefully, waiting for the guy's answer.

When the man finally did say something, it wasn't to Ichigo, but to Renji. "And he does not recognize anyone but you?" His voice was cold and precise, as if he thought of every single word before he said it.

"Nope," Renji said. "And he doesn't remember anything 'bout Soul Reapers either."

The other man sighed lightly. "Well, this is certainly a problem," he said, straightening the small stack of papers that lay in front of him on his desk. "I will inform Head Captain Yamamoto about this. I suggest that you keep him with you, Renji, since you are the only one he recognizes at the moment."

"Do ya think I should show him around, in case he remembers somethin', or someone?" Renji asked, moving to stand beside Ichigo.

"Whatever you think is best," the man said quietly. It was obviously a dismissal.

Ichigo sat staring at the man, still wondering how they supposedly knew each other, when Renji tapped him on the arm. "C'mon," the red-head said. "Let's go." Ichigo nodded and stood up, following Renji out the door. Rukia followed them out the door, but when they reached the hallway beyond it, she turned a different direction after giving Renji a brief farewell. Ichigo blinked as she shunpo-ed away, surprised that she was leaving so soon. "Ah, don't worry 'bout her," Renji said quietly. "She just needs some…time alone right now."

Ichigo didn't say anything. Instead, he followed Renji as they made their way outside. "How do I know her, Renji?" he asked quietly a few moments later. He moved so that he was walking right beside the taller man, and could look up at him as he walked.

Renji sighed. He looked down at Ichigo once and then looked away again, facing forward. "I don't know if I should be the one to tell ya that, Ichigo," he said. "But she was one of your best friends. Ya met her before any of the rest of us, including me."

"Well, her face looks familiar," Ichigo said. "And her name sounds familiar…but I don't remember anything."

"I still got no clue why you remember me and not anyone else," Renji confessed, grinning a bit. "Ya should probably remember Rukia the most, since ya met her first and know her the best out of all of us."

Ichigo shook his head. "I didn't remember you when I first saw you," he admitted. Renji stopped and stared at him for a moment. Ichigo, realizing that the other man wasn't walking anymore, stopped as well and turned around. He raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"What do ya mean?" Renji asked, coming to stand right in front of Ichigo.

"Well, I mean," Ichigo said, flushing. "When I first saw you, I didn't recognize you. But then…there was this weird…pain in my head, and I saw all these…things, memories I guess, in my mind. And they were all memories with you and me. And then…when the pain stopped…I knew your name and remembered things about you."

Renji stared at him. "Is that what you were doin', holdin' your head like you did?" he asked.

Ichigo nodded. "And all these names sound so familiar, and so do the faces," he continued. "But I can't remember." He shook his head irritably.

For another moment, they just stood there, both not quite sure what to do. "Well," Renji said finally, "I don't have a clue 'bout what's going on with you, but I suppose I should at least take ya back to my place and explain a few things to you." He began to walk again, motioning for Ichigo to follow him. "C'mon, it ain't far from here."

Ichigo willingly followed the other man down the street. After a few minutes, they stopped at a small house; Renji fumbled in his pockets for a key. While he was unlocking the door, Ichigo looked around. There were other people out on the street, looking at him, pointing at him, whispering things to their companions. He wondered why they were doing that. He didn't know any of them; he didn't even recognize them. He frowned at them, and was about to ask Renji about it, but then the red-head opened the door and walked inside.

Shrugging, Ichigo followed him, looking around. It wasn't much of a house, but since it looked as if Renji lived alone, there wasn't much sense in having a huge home. There was a kitchen area and a small living area; a hallway led away from the door to what Ichigo assumed had to be a bedroom and bathroom. Renji shut the door behind him and moved over to a low black couch in the living area. Ichigo followed him and sat down on the opposite side from the red-head.

"So, this is my place," Renji said, looking around absently. "It ain't much, but I don't spend too much time here. So, got any questions?" He snorted. "Tch, I'm sure ya do. Better thing to ask might be what do you wanna know first?"

"Well," Ichigo said, "What the hell is this place?"

"It's called Soul Society," Renji explained. "It's where the good souls go after they've died in the real world. People like me 'n the others you saw are Soul Reapers. We help the good souls pass on and protect 'em from the bad souls, which are monsters called Hollows."

Ichigo frowned. "You don't have to explain it to me like I'm a freakin' five year-old," he said irritably. "I'm not stupid."

Renji laughed. "Are you kiddin' me?" he asked. "With some of the things you've done, I've questioned whether or not you even have a brain! But anyways," he continued as his laughter died, "we Soul Reapers exorcise the Hollows too, so that they can go back to being normal souls again."

"So this is like a place for dead people?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep."

"So I'm dead," Ichigo went on.

"Obviously," Renji said, smirking.

"So why am I not back in that place where you guys found me?" Ichigo questioned. "Why'd you come and get me? That's where the other dead people are, right?"

"Well, ya see, Ichigo, that's because you're-" Renji was interrupted when the door banged open. He frowned. "What the fuck was that?" he asked, standing up and moving over to the door. But just as he stood up, several people entered the room. Ichigo looked over at them. One was a thin guy with black hair and glasses; he kept pushing them up, as if he was afraid they were going to fall off his nose. Another was a woman with long red hair and big gray eyes, as well…an abnormally large chest. But the other…he was tall, _very _tall, with shaggy dark hair, tanned skin and a solemn face.

Renji scowled at them. "What the hell was that for?" he asked. "You're not supposed to go bargin' into other people's houses like that!"

"But Rukia told us what happened with Ichigo, and we just to come and see him!" the woman said insistently. "Is it true that he doesn't remember anything?"

Renji gave an answer to her question, but Ichigo wasn't really paying attention anymore. All three of these people seemed familiar to him, more so than many of the others he'd seen since coming here. Four-eyes was following the conversation between Renji and the woman, but every now and then his blue eyes would flicker over to Ichigo. But the giant…he wasn't really paying attention to the conversation. Ichigo frowned slightly…what was...this…and then it clicked. He looked down and clenched his jaw together as the same pain that had come over him when he'd first recognized Renji came once again.

This time, there were more memories. He tried to see them all as they passed behind his eyes, but he only managed to catch glimpses of most of them. But he could see it. He could see everything. He knew who this person was. As soon as the pain lifted, he looked back up. Renji and the woman hadn't stopped talking, apparently not having noticed his…spell, or whatever these things were that kept happening to him. Ichigo looked over at the tall man once again.

"Chad?"

* * *


	3. PART 1 Explanations

Whew...well, here's chapter three, part one!! I'm still working on the second part, but I hadn't updated in about a week, and that's generally how often I update. So I figured I'd put this up anyways. I'll put up the second part as soon as I'm finished with it, if my classwork allows. Thanks again for all the reviews!! You guys are awesome!!

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All conversation stopped immediately as everyone turned to look at Ichigo. The man in question stepped forward. "Ichigo?" Chad asked quietly. "You recognize me?"

"Of course I recognize you!" Ichigo said, scowling. "You're my best friend!"

"And you remember me?" Chad pressed. "You remember what's happened in the past?"

"I remember that you're my best friend," Ichigo said, his scowl fading into a different kind of frown. "Of course I remember the stuff we've gotten ourselves into. How could I forget?" He grinned wryly.

"Wait, wait, wait," Renji said, putting his hands up. "I thought ya didn't remember anyone but me!" He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned, looking to Ichigo for an answer.

"Well, I didn't," Ichigo said defensively. "But then when I saw Chad, I remembered him. It was the same thing; there was this achin' pain, I saw the memories in my head, and then I remembered who he was."

"But you don't recognize either of us?" four-eyes asked, pushing his glasses up again. He nodded to the woman that Renji had been talking to.

Ichigo shook his head. "You both look…familiar," he said. "But I don't…seem to…recognize anything." His tone was almost apologetic; he hadn't missed the pained look in the woman's eyes, however careful she was to hide it.

Four-eyes sighed. "Well, it can't be helped," he said after a minute. "I'm Uryu Ishida. We used to go to school together."

Once again, the name was familiar to Ichigo, but it didn't ring any definite bells. "Were we friends?" he asked.

"Tch, in a sense," Uryu said, smirking.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"Exactly what it sounded like," Uryu continued. "And this is Orihime Inoue, another friend." The woman smiled and waved. "We met you and Chad in our first year of high school, and became friends through a series of…unexpected events."

"Are you dead?" Ichigo asked.

"Dead?" Orihime repeated, her smile faltering a bit.

"Renji said this was a place for dead people," Ichigo said, his eyes flickering to the red-head before going back to Uryu. "So I'm askin' if you guys are dead."

"No, we're alive," Chad said quietly.

"Then how the hell are you here?" Ichigo asked. This was all so confusing!

"We're similar to Soul Reapers," Uryu explained. "We don't help souls pass on to this world, but we each have unique powers that enable us to fight off the Hollows and protect the souls that remain in the world of the living. So we're able to visit, as long as we take the proper precautions."

"What powers do Soul Reapers have?" Ichigo asked.

Uryu frowned and looked at Renji. "He doesn't even remember that much?" he asked, surprised.

"Well, I was gettin' there when you guys barged in," Renji said accusingly.

"We just wanted to see Ichigo!" Orihime protested. "We didn't mean to butt in!"

"Actually, we did have one other reason for coming here," Chad admitted.

"What is it?" Renji asked, unfolding his arms from across his chest.

"We were at Urahara's when the news come over from Soul Society that Ichigo had been found," Uryu explained. "He came through the portal with us because the Head Captain wanted to talk to him about Ichigo's memory loss. We went to look for Rukia to find out where he was. But right before we started heading over here, Captain Hitsugaya found us and asked us to bring Ichigo to the Captain's meeting hall. You're supposed to go as well, Renji."

"Why the hell don't they notify me of these meetings?" Renji demanded angrily, stalking off to retrieve his Captain's haori. "I'm a freakin' Captain after all!"

"Captain?" Ichigo blinked, obviously confused.

"One of thirteen leaders among the Soul Reapers," Uryu clarified with a textbook answer. "They lead the thirteen divisions, also known as the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, which make up the mass of Soul Reapers. Everyone here is in a specific division."

Renji walked back into the room just then, his white haori in place. "C'mon," he said to Ichigo, motioning for him to get up. "The rest of you can wait here 'til we get back. Don't suppose you're invited to this meetin'." Uryu hesitated, and then nodded; the other two didn't even question the words. Ichigo stood up and hesitantly followed Renji out the door and out onto the street. Instead of walking, Renji hoisted Ichigo up onto his shoulder again – much to Ichigo's embarrassment and irritation – and shunpo-ed to the meeting hall.

When they reached the doors, Renji set him down. Ichigo paused before he followed the red-head into the room. Was it just him…or had Renji seemed almost reluctant to let go of him? Shaking his head to get the thought out of his mind – because, of course, it wasn't possible – he stepped into the room lightly. There were thirteen individuals standing up in the room, including Renji, as well as one other, who was sitting on the floor at the head of the room.

Ichigo looked around nervously as all the eyes shifted to him. He immediately felt very uncomfortable, as if he didn't quite belong there. He noticed the door close behind him, and gulped, trying to clear his throat.

"Ichigo Kurosaki," an old man with a _very _long beard said, "do you remember any of the people gathered in this room?"

Ichigo blinked, and then looked around. There were definitely some odd people in here, and a few he _knew _he'd seen before, but he couldn't recall any names or memories other than Renji. "Well, I know Renji," he answered. "But I don't recognize anyone else."

The old man turned to the man who was sitting on the floor. "What is the meaning of this, Kisuke?" he asked sternly. "I was under the impression that Kurosaki would retain all of his memories when he passed on!"

The man – Kisuke? Was that his name? – pulled a fan out of one of his loose sleeves and snapped it open, concealing the lower half of his face. "I don't quite know myself what happened, Yamamoto," he said in a dry voice. "The process has never failed before."

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked, frowning. "What process?"

"Before you died, I took special precautions to make sure that all the memories from your previous life would be transferred to you once you materialized here in the spirit realm," the man continued. "I've done it several times for other souls, and the process has all worked with them. It's strange that you don't remember anyone but Renji."

Renji cleared his throat, and all eyes turned to him. "Actually, he seemed to remember Chad when he came bargin' into my house," he said. For some reason, he turned to shoot a glare at a short, white-haired Captain. "An' that wasn't very considerate of ya, Hitsugaya."

"Don't blame me," the Captain said, sounding bored. "I just asked them to pass on the message to get Kurosaki here to the meeting hall. They had already decided to come visit you. And it was Rukia Kuchiki who told them where you lived, not me."

"Damn Rukia," Renji muttered under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You're an idiot if you expected that they'd do any differently," Kisuke said, the edges of a smirk just visible above the edges of the fan, "_Captain _Abarai. But he remembered Chad, you said?"

"Yeah," Renji snapped, his glare having shifted from the white-haired Captain to the man with the fan. "Not Orihime or Ishida though."

"That is very interesting," Kisuke said thoughtfully. "Hmmm…"

After a few moments passed in silence, the old man cleared his throat. "What do you suppose happened?" he asked quietly. "Was it a flaw in the process or is it something within Kurosaki's makeup?"

"I believe it's the latter," Kisuke said, looking up Ichigo from the brim of his hat. "I've done this too many times and researched the technique too much for there to be a flaw in the process. The fact that he remembered Abarai and Chad suggests that people who've made a particular impact on his life are being remembered more quickly."

"Then why didn't he remember Rukia?" Renji asked. "If anyone made an impact on his life, it was her."

"Ah, that is the problem," Kisuke said, nodding. "Chad was his best friend while he was alive, since middle school, isn't that right, Ichigo?" Ichigo nodded slowly. "You and Ichigo fought together to save Rukia, and then again during the Winter War; you also trained together to achieve the bankai release. You two don't get along very well; he probably remembers you because he feels very strong emotions towards you." For some reason, that made Renji blush slightly; Ichigo didn't miss it. Why was the man blushing? That was just so…odd. "So why would he not remember Rukia, the person who made him a Soul Reaper?"

"What?!" Ichigo yelped. "I'm not a Soul Reaper! What the hell're you talkin' about?"

"And how do you know that?" Kisuke asked, his voice very serious. Ichigo frowned. "You can't remember anything about your past, other than that it involved Renji and Chad. How do you know that you weren't a Soul Reaper?"

"I…" Ichigo faltered, not able to come up with a good excuse. "Well, wouldn't I remember something that important?"

"Not necessarily," the man continued. "And I think that's why you don't remember Miss Kuchiki. She is linked to you becoming a Soul Reaper, and since you don't remember anything about being a Soul Reaper, you don't remember her. My guess is that they're connected. You won't remember one until you remember the other. It's like there's a mental snag in your mind."

"But how is he supposed to remember anything 'bout bein' a Soul Reaper?" Renji asked. "I haven't even gotten a chance to explain things to him yet."

"Well, when you do, see if he can remember the name of his zanpaku-to," Kisuke advised. "Show him around the Seireitei, let him see familiar people. Perhaps something will trigger his memory."

"Perhaps?" Ichigo repeated.

"There's no guarantee that this will work," Kisuke said. "You might never regain your memories."

Any minute noises that had been going on previously in the room stopped instantly. Everyone was looking at Ichigo now, and it made him less than comfortable. Some people had horrified expressions on their faces, others anxious, and some wore frowns. "He wouldn't regain any of the memories of the Winter War?" a Captain with long white hair asked.

"Oh, come on, now, it's not that bad!" Kisuke said in an optimistic voice. Everyone turned to look at him now. "Even if he doesn't regain his memories, he's drawn to people that he knew before he died. He recognizes them to some extent, some perhaps more than others. He'll be able to tell who he was friends with. And it isn't like he couldn't be told what had happened. Perhaps telling him those war stories would bring back some memories."

"But what about bein' a Soul Reaper?" Renji asked. "What if he never remembers that?"

"Then he would just have to become a Soul Reaper again," Kisuke replied. "He'd have the same zanpaku-to with the same abilities. He'd progress at the same rate. He'd have the same reiatsu."

"He'd better!"

Ichigo jumped at the rough voice and looked to his right. A towering man with black spiked hair was grinning at him in a way that could only be considered wolfish. An inexplicable terror crept into Ichigo's mind; he recognized this guy, he knew that he'd seen him before. No memories came this time, but he instantly knew one thing: this guy was nuts.

"Ichigo?" Renji asked, seeing the way his expression had changed from a slight scowl to utter terror. "What s'matter?"

"You," Ichigo said, pointing at the spiky-haired giant. "I remember you…you're crazy!"

The man barked out a harsh laugh. "That all you remember?" he asked, raising his eyebrows…or at least, the skin where his eyebrows would have been if he'd had any. "I can't wait 'til you're a Soul Reaper again, Ichigo. Cause when you are, we're gonna fight."

"I'm not fightin' you!" Ichigo said quickly. "You're insane!"

"And you're insane if you think I'm gonna let you go that easily!" the tall Captain returned.

"Oy!" Renji said suddenly. Both Ichigo and the other man turned to look at him questioningly. "Back off, Kenpachi."

"Oh, so now you're Ichigo's protector, eh?" the man named Kenpachi asked with a snicker.

"He isn't my protector!" Ichigo said violently.

"Damn straight, I ain't," Renji said, blushing again. "But ya can at least wait until he's back to normal."

"Is that an order?" Kenpachi asked, his eyes gleaming dangerously.

"From me, it is," the old man suddenly said, his voice cold.

"Oh, fine," Kenpachi said, rolling his eyes. "But when you're back to normal, Ichigo, come and find me. I've a score to settle with you."

* * *

Special thanks to **my renji-kun **for wanting to see Ichigo's reaction to Kenpachi XD. I hadn't even thought about doing something like that, but Kenpachi's one of my favorite characters so it was pretty easy to twist my arm into putting him in there. Preeetty easy. Anyways, like I said before, the second part of this chapter will be up as soon as I've finished it. Thanks again for all the reviews, and keep 'em coming!! Seriously, they make me really happy. Not that you HAVE to review, lol. I just appreciate those who do.


	4. Part 2 Would You Hate Me if I Was Gay?

Well, I wasn't planning on writing out chapter two until this week...but I just couldn't help myself, lol. These two are just too cute together. This part is mainly dialogue, so it's mainly RenIchi interaction. That's why this part is probably my favorite so far. Anyways, thanks for all the reviews!! You guys are so fast!! I go in the check my e-mail and there's already 8 reviews there XD. Anyways. Enjoy!!

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After everyone managed to pry Kenpachi away from Ichigo and convince him that now wasn't the right time for a fight, Renji took Ichigo back to his place, where the red-head proceeded to tell Chad, Orihime and Uryu all that Urahara had said. When he was finished with his narrative, there were varying looks on all of their faces – Uryu with a calculating frown, Orihime nearly in tears, and Chad with the same stoic yet slightly concerned expression that he always wore.

"I feel so bad for Rukia!" Orihime said, wiping at her eyes. "She must feel so horrible!"

"Don't you feel bad for yourself, Orihime?" Uryu asked, blinking. "He doesn't remember you either."

"Yeah, but it's not the same thing!" she insisted. "He's so much closer to Rukia than he is to me!"

Ichigo shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say. Chad, sensing his discomfort, cleared his throat and moved the conversation in a different direction. "So are you going to tell him about Soul Reapers, Renji?"

"Yeah, soon as you guys leave," Renji said. "Are ya stayin' here long?"

"Actually, we should probably get back to the world of the living," Uryu said quietly. "We really just came here to see if Kurosaki was alright. He's obviously fine, sans memories. I'm sure that Urahara will keep us updated, in any case." He stood up to leave, tugging lightly on Orihime's sleeve as he did so. "I have classes tomorrow and I've already wasted my free day."

Renji smirked when he saw how Orihime stood so close to Uryu. "Am I missin' somethin' here?" he asked, moving a finger between the two of them.

Orihime flushed slightly and Uryu pushed his glasses up. "What do you mean, Renji?" he asked stiffly, looking away.

"You two're together, ain't ya?" the red-head asked, smirking in glee at having made the pale man so uncomfortable.

"So what if we are?" Uryu demanded coldly. "I fail to see how that is any of your concern."

"Geez, no need to be such a prick about it," Renji said, snorting. "I was just askin' a question."

"We'll be leaving now," Uryu said, grabbing Orihime's hand and zooming out the door faster than Renji could blink. Chad, grinning softly, nodded to Ichigo and Renji before following the two out the door. He closed it behind him, leaving the two alone.

"Tch, I can't believe them two are together," Renji said quietly, shaking his head. "I mean, I knew Ishida always had a crush on her, but I didn't know she reciprocated the feelin's." He grinned over at Ichigo. "Always thought she had a thing for you."

"What?" Ichigo asked sharply. He hadn't really been paying attention to what Renji was saying, but that caught him off guard. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Well, back when you guys were still in high school, she kinda had this crush on ya," Renji explained, his grin growing more and more wolf-like as he spoke. "Ya never did anythin' cause you're blind as a bat 'bout that kind of thing."

"Shut up!" Ichigo said, clenching his fists.

Renji shrugged. "Whatever," he said. "Personally, I always thought ya were just a bit different, that's all."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Ichigo demanded.

"Different," Renji said again. "Ya know, _different._"

"You know, I have no idea what you're babblin' about," Ichigio said, scowling over at the red-head.

"Oh, I think ya do," Renji said.

"Then by all means, enlighten me," Ichigo said sarcastically, moving his hands from his sides to cross his arms over his chest.

"Ya know," Renji said, using his hands to gesture vaguely. "I always figured ya didn't exactly like girls…that way."

Ichigo blinked. "You think I'm gay?" he asked in surprise. Renji nodded. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, ya never did anythin' with Orihime, and she's, well, a pretty impressive girl," Renji said appreciatively. "And ya always got so shy around Rangiku and Yoruichi, so I figured ya must-"

"What would you have done if someone you had thought was a cat just turned into a completely naked woman?!" Ichigo demanded furiously. "I wasn't expectin' it!"

"Whatever," Renji said, rolling his eyes. "Still, you're gay."

"I am not gay," Ichigo said vehemently. "If anyone's gay, you are."

For some reason, Renji flushed at the statement. "No, I'm not," he said quietly, looking away pointedly. Ichigo, however, noticed the blush and caught on rather quickly.

"Then why're you blushin'?" he asked, smirking.

"B-because I'm angry ya even mentioned it!" Renji stuttered, throwing a pillow at Ichigo that he had grabbed out of the chair he was sitting in. Ichigo, too stunned to do anything, didn't move and the pillow hit him square in the face.

"You idiot!" he yelled at Renji. "What the hell was that for?"

"For bein' a prick!" Renji yelled back. "And for callin' me gay!"

"Why?" Ichigo demanded. "It's obviously the truth! You blushed!"

"That don't make me gay!" Renji said fervently.

"Then why did you blush?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"I told ya, I was angry," Renji said, glaring right back.

"Whatever," Ichigo said, giving up the conversation. He plopped down on the couch and lay back, stretching out with one hand behind his head and the other resting lightly on his stomach. He was tired; it had been a long day, and there was a lot of new information that he was being expected to process. It would take a few days for everything to sink in though. That he was sure of.

"Oy, Ichigo," Renji said softly.

Ichigo shifted his eyes from the ceiling to Renji's face. "What?" he asked.

"Would you, er, hate me, if I was gay?" the red-head asked, flushing again. "Not that I am. I was just wonderin'."

"Why would that make me hate you?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, I dunno," Renji said. "I just know that some people don't like that-"

"I'm not some people," Ichigo interjected. "You should know me better than that."

"Yeah, well," Renji said lamely. "I was just makin' sure."

"Dumbass," Ichigo snorted. A comfortable silence fell between them. But then, just as Ichigo thought he might fall asleep, several questions popped into his mind. They were irritating, nagging questions that just had to be answered. Frowning in vexation, he decided to just ask and get them over with. "Renji, how old am I?"

"Well, you were twenty when ya died," Renji said quietly.

"And how old are you?"

"I dunno," Renji said thoughtfully. "I lost count after 'bout a hundred an' fifty."

"What the hell?" Ichigo demanded, raising his head. "How are you that old?"

"We age slower here than people do in the world of the livin'," Renji explained, shrugging.

Ichigo frowned, but still lowered himself back down to the cushions, not pressing the matter. "Did I have a lot of friends here?" he asked, choosing a different topic.

"Well, there were a few," Renji said. "Mainly me 'n Rukia, but there was a group of us that all liked to hang out together. There were Rangiku an' Shuhei, Ikkaku an' Yumichika, an' sometimes Izuru. Ya got on with most people though."

"How long have I known you?"

"'Bout five years now, I suppose," Renji said quietly. "What's with all the questions?"

"I was just tryin' to figure some things out," Ichigo said with a sigh, sitting up. "I just keep rememberin' what that guy said back in the meeting. Why I remember you and Chad over everyone else. Chad I get; he was my best friend. But why do I remember you?" He looked at Renji intently, his brown eyes fierce. Renji's raised his eyebrows, a questioning look on his face. "That guy said I felt strong emotions toward you. What the hell does that mean?"

Like he had back in the meeting, Renji flushed. "Well, we fight a lot," he said. "An' when we first met, we really didn't like each other. So I guess he meant that we used to hate each other. Rivals, I guess."

"But I don't remember hatin' you," Ichigo said.

"You don't?" Renji asked, surprised.

"No," Ichigo said. "I just remember that we were friends. That's why the strong emotions part doesn't make sense to me. We weren't…_more _than friends, were we?" He looked away as he waited for Renji's response, slightly embarrassed as pink tinged his cheeks.

"What?!" Renji yelped. "N-n-no! Of course not!" He made a noise that was half-way between a snort and a grunt. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I was just askin'," Ichigo said defensively. "I'm tryin' to remember things here."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

"Why're you so defensive about that?" Ichigo asked.

"I'm not bein' defensive!" Renji said angrily, standing up and walking over to the kitchen. He smacked Ichigo on the back of the head as he passed.

"Ow!" Ichigo said. "What the hell was that for, you bastard?!"

"You're bein' annoyin'," Renji stated, grabbing a glass from the counter and filling it with water from the faucet. He turned around lazily and leaned against the counter as he brought the cup to his mouth.

"Well excuse me for tryin' to figure out who the hell I am!" Ichigo said sullenly, too tired to argue properly. He leaned back against the cushions, putting a hand against his forehead as he closed his eyes. He could feel a headache coming on. Wasn't that wonderful. Just the perfect ending to a perfect day. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and dropped his hand to his lap – only to stare straight into the reddish-brown eyes of Renji. He jerked away, not expecting the proximity. "What the fuck are you doin'?" he demanded.

"Are you okay?" Renji asked, concern knitting his eyebrows together.

"Why do you care?" Ichigo asked.

"Because I'm your friend, that's why, you little shit," Renji growled, leaning down; he put both of hands on either side of Ichigo's head and glared down at him. "Now, would you mind tellin' me what the fuck your problem is?"

Ichigo blinked as he stared up at Renji. "I'm just tired," he said quietly, "and I've got a headache." He was too surprised by Renji's attitude to make a sarcastic remark.

"That's no reason to be an asshole," Renji pointed out, his glare softening slightly.

"Sorry," Ichigo muttered, looking down. After a few minutes though, when Renji still hadn't moved one bit, he looked up questioningly. "You intendin' on movin' any time soon?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Renji blinked, and then flushed yet again, as if he wasn't sure why he'd stayed in the position that long. He pulled away with a murmured apology. "So, what, do you wanna sleep or somethin'?" he asked.

"That would be nice," Ichigo admitted.

"Then, c'mon," Renji said. "You can have the bed tonight, since I'm bein' so nice and accomadatin' and everything." He smirked as he regained his former brash attitude. He walked out of the room, expecting Ichigo to follow.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and stood up, following the red-head to the back room. Renji's bedroom was as sparsely decorated as the rest of his house, only holding a double bed with black sheets, a chest of drawers for clothes and a couple of shelves filled with various odds and ends. "They're sweats and t-shirts in the drawer if ya want somethin' else to sleep in other than that rag," Renji said, pointing at his current garb.

Ichigo looked down at himself and then over at Renji, appraising. For some reason, Renji flushed at that – what was that? the thousandth time today?? he promptly decided that Renji must have some flushing disorder where his face randomly turned red – and turned away. "I don't think your clothes'll fit me," Ichigo pointed out. "You're bigger 'n I am."

"So roll 'em up," Renji suggested. He walked over to the drawer and pulled out a white shirt and a pair of gray sweats. "Here, take 'em. That smock makes ya look like a beggar."

Ichigo caught the clothes as Renji tossed them to him. He frowned again. "Why do you have these?" he asked. "All you Soul Reaper guys were wearin' them weird black robes."

"Tch, you don't really think we wear shihakushos and haoris all the time, do you?" he asked, smirking. "Plus, I used to go to the world of the livin' all the time. Needed somethin' more human to wear, ya know."

"Yeah, whatever," Ichigo, undoing the rope that served as a belt from around his waist. Renji walked over to the door, and was just about to step through it when he stopped. Ichigo paused just before he pulled his smock, as Renji had called it, off. "What s'matter?"

Renji half-turned back around. "Look, Ichigo," he said uncertainly, "I know that this has gotta be hard on ya, forgettin' your memories and everythin'. But…if ya ever…ya know, need anythin'…I'm here for ya. You don't gotta do this alone."

Ichigo blinked, not expecting the surprisingly kind words. "Yeah, okay," he said, grinning a bit. "Thanks." Renji nodded and then left, closing the door behind him. Ichigo finished changing into the new clothes – and he had to roll Renji's sweats up about four times before they fit – and pulled back the sheets before climbing into the bed and resting his head in the middle of the two pillows. He yawned hugely, not even bothering to hide how tired he was.

He'd learned a lot today, both about what had happened and about what he was going to be going through in the near future. But he knew that it wasn't going to be easy. He had to relearn a life's worth of memories, after all. He sighed as his eyes drifted shut. Well, those lessons could wait until tomorrow. For now, he was just bone tired.

* * *

Well, that's it for now. I'll probably have to wait about a week before I can update again because I have classes this whole week, unfortunately. Ugh, I hate them!! Oh, and sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or spelling problems. I don't have a beta. It might help, lol. I do make quite a few mistakes as I type - I'm impatient as heck. Anyways. Reviews are much loved!!


	5. History Lesson

Well, hello!! I got this out earlier than I intended to, because I got a break in assignments!! - does retarded happy dance - All I had to do was study for a theology exam tomorrow, which was pretty easy stuff, if you ask me. Because you know, it's just introductory shit.

Oh, well, on to other things. I've decided to drop the rating on this down to T. Mainly being because there's no smut right now and probably won't be for a while - sorry, but I have to work myself up to writing it. That doesn't mean there won't be fluff or interaction, it just means they won't actually do the nasty - though I don't really consider it nasty obviously, lol - for a few chapters. When it goes back up to M, you'll know exactly what's in that chapter XD.

And again, thanks for all the reviews!! You guys are all so complimentary!! And what writer doesn't like those kind of reviews, lol?

* * *

Ichigo woke up with a grunt the next morning. He wrenched his eyes open. Sunbeams were dancing through the window and across the ceiling, the shadows of the leaves on the tree beside Renji's house mirrored on the white paint. He stretched out, bringing his hands up behind his head. Man, a night's sleep would do you wonders. He felt totally and completely regenerated. With a light, contented sigh, he pulled off the sheets and sat up, swinging his feet around to rest on the floor.

After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open quietly. Was Renji awake yet? He hoped so; he didn't want to just stay here all day. There was nothing to do here, and he got bored rather easily. He padded silently into the kitchen area to find Renji asleep on the small table, his head supported by a stack of papers. He still had a pen loosely grasped in hand, and his hair was mussed from laying his head on its side all night.

Ichigo frowned. Renji hadn't fallen asleep on the table, had he? He'd said that he was going to sleep on the couch. Ichigo wasn't quite sure what to do about it. On one hand, he was absolutely starving. On the other, he didn't want to pry in Renji's kitchen and start cooking something. Perhaps he should wake his friend up? But would that make him mad? He couldn't remember…did Renji mind being woken up, or did he hate it?

"Ichigo…" Renji suddenly muttered in his sleep. "Quit it." His words were slightly slurred and his brow was furrowed, as if he was in pain or deep in concentration. He raised a hand lazily and clawed at the air around him, as if he were trying to ward something off. Ichigo watched him for a moment; the noises he was making were starting to grow more frantic, as if he were worried. "No," he said; it was almost a whimper. "No, no, no, no – DON'T!"

With a jerk, Renji woke up, his eyes flying open. He was breathing heavily, as if he'd just run a marathon. His eyes immediately landed on Ichigo, who was frowning at him, wondering what the hell was going on. The red-head stood up as if he was in a daze and walked over to Ichigo. Not sure of what his friend was doing, Ichigo just stood there. As soon as Renji was within arm's reach of him, the red-head grabbed Ichigo's arms, holding on tightly.

"Renji, what-"

"You're alive," Renji breathed roughly. "You ain't dead."

"Well, technically everyone here is dead," Ichigo said. "What are you talkin' about?"

"You're not hurt?" Renji asked, his voice concerned.

"No," Ichigo said firmly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Renji released him and stepped back a bit, flushing. "Sorry," he said. "It…it was just a dream." He rubbed his hand over his face. "Don't worry 'bout it."

"Didn't sound like a normal dream to me," Ichigo said uncertainly. "You were makin' these weird noises, like you were afraid or somethin'. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I said I was fine," Renji snapped, glaring at Ichigo. "I'm goin' to take a shower. You can fix yourself somethin' to eat, right?"

"Yeah, sure," Ichigo said slowly, still wondering just what the hell was going on with Renji. He didn't get a chance to ask though, as his friend turned and walked out of the room quickly. The frown still on his face, he began to walk around the kitchen, looking for various supplies. He couldn't remember people, but his hands seemed to remember what they were doing of their own accord. And hell, he wasn't going to contest it.

While he was preparing and cooking his breakfast, his mind kept wandering back to Renji's dream. What had it been about? What could have been that bad, to have Renji _whimpering _in pain? He felt so stupid, as if he didn't know the necessary information to solve a particularly complex problem. What exactly were Soul Reapers? What did they do? And more importantly, was he honestly one of them? How could he have forgotten something that big?

Once his food was done, he scraped it onto a plate and walked over to the table, sitting down in the chair across from the one Renji had previously occupied before beginning to eat. His mind was still wandering when Renji came back in the room, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants, fully displaying off of his dark tattoos. His hair was down and damp. "Ichigo," he said quietly, sitting down across from him, "I wanna ask ya somethin'."

"What?" Ichigo asked, looking up warily.

"Yesterday, when I was talkin' 'bout Yoruichi and Rangiku…you said somethin' 'bout Yoruichi revealin' her true form to ya," the red-head continued. "But you don't remember anything. So how did ya remember that?"

"Who's Yoruichi?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"That's what I mean," Renji said, sighing. "Ya don't remember Yoruichi, but when we got in an argument and started bickerin' 'bout you bein' gay or not, you remembered that she changed from a cat to a human in front of ya and it startled ya. How does that work?"

"I don't know," Ichigo said, leaning back in his chair. "It just came out when we were arguin'. I don't know anyone named Yoruichi. But…I do remember that I stopped liking cats when I was a teenager." He scrunched his brow up thoughtfully. After a few moments, he sighed and looked back down at Renji. He frowned. "Where's that thing you were wearin' yesterday?" he asked. "Don't you have a job to do?"

"Yeah," Renji said. "Keepin' track of _you._"

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo demanded. "I don't need a freakin' keeper!"

"Oh, hold your horses, I just meant that I'm supposed to make sure bastards like Kenpachi don't come around and try to kill ya before ya get your powers back," Renji clarified, rolling his eyes. "Believe me, I don't wanna be your 'keeper,' as ya put it." He glared down at the stack of papers in front of him. "Still, the stupid bastards won't gimme a few days off my paperwork. I swear, if I have to sign one more release form 'bout one of my goons gettin' scalped by Mayuri for complicatin' one of his experiments, I'll go freakin' insane."

Ichigo frowned. He hadn't understood a word of Renji's last sentence. "Who's Mayuri?"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know," Renji assured him.

Ichigo nodded slowly and crossed his arms over his chest. "You asked me somethin', so can I ask you somethin'?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Sure," Renji said, lounging back in his chair.

"What would make you have a nightmare involvin' me?" Ichigo asked softly.

Renji's expression froze suddenly. Then his eyes moved to Ichigo's; there was hurt in the reddish-brown irises, as well as pain and loss. Ichigo held his gaze; none of the emotions were directed towards him. He was only a witness to their story. Finally, just when Ichigo thought that Renji was going to refuse to answer, the red-head sighed and ran his long fingers through his hair. "Well, ya gotta understand somethin', Ichigo," he said quietly. "Power corrupts people, and a couple of years ago, a few Soul Reapers got 'bout as corrupted as they could get.

"Sosuke Aizen was the Captain of the fifth company, same office I hold," he continued. "He'd been a Captain for a while, and was pretty damn strong. But he wasn't satisfied with just bein' a Captain. He wanted more power. So he started researchin' ways to combine the powers of Soul Reapers and Hollows. But he couldn't find a way until Urahara created a device known as the Hogyoku."

"Urahara?" Ichigo asked. "That weird guy at the meeting yesterday?"

"Very same," Renji replied, nodding. "Going on; the Hogyoku was able to break down the barriers between Soul Reapers and Hollows. Aizen wanted to use this on high-level Hollows to create a new kind of bein' – super powerful hybrids that no one could beat. So, long story short, he got the Hogyoku and ran away to Hueco Mundo – the Hollow realm. He started makin' his new bastard hybrids, along with two other Captains – Gin Ichimaru of third company and Kaname Tosen of ninth. It was later that we – Soul Society, that is – found out that he was after the position of the god of this realm, the Spirit King's throne."

"Sounds pretty ambitious," Ichigo noted.

"Like hell it was," Renji said, snorting. "So he started a war against us with his new hybrids, called Arrancar. Most of the time, we call the war the Winter War. You were – along with a group of people like ya called Vizards – were a key factor in our victory."

"Why?" Ichigo asked. "What'd I do?"

"Ya killed Aizen," Renji stated solemnly.

Ichigo's eyes widened, but he said nothing at first. But after a few moments, his curiosity got the better of him. "But that's a good thing, right?" he asked. Renji nodded. "Then why would ya have a nightmare of it?"

Renji sighed. "It wasn't that, Ichigo," he said. "It was some of the fights ya got in before ya fought head-on with Aizen. There was one in particular…I wasn't there when it happened, but I saw ya afterwards, before ya were healed. You…you were a mess; there were 'bout five different places on your body that were so bad I don't know how ya managed to stay in one piece." He shook his head. "And it's not just you; so many people died, Ichigo, _so fuckin' many people._ You would be fightin' and all of a sudden, someone ya knew for what seems like your whole life would just drop down – dead." He shook his head and shuddered.

Ichigo felt guilty now for bringing up something that was obviously still a very open wound. He shifted uncomfortably until Renji brought his eyes up to meet Ichigo's. "Ya almost died then and there, Ichigo," he said softly. "More times than I'd like to remember. I'd tell ya 'bout it, but then I don't think you'd ever wanna be a Soul Reaper again." He chuckled at that, though the sound was painful.

"So what exactly is a Soul Reaper?" Ichigo asked, easily taking the opportunity to turn the conversation a different direction; he would do anything to get the haunted look out of Renji's eyes. It was terrible, because Ichigo _knew _that it really shouldn't have been there. "I mean, I know that you said you exorcise Hollows and protect the other souls, but what do you really do?"

"Well, that's basically our job," Renji said. "You remember what Ishida said, 'bout us bein' divided up into thirteen companies?" Ichigo nodded. "That's a main point. Each division has different specific duties, though we all have to take time in the world of the livin' killin' Hollows."

"I thought you exorcised them," Ichigo interjected.

"Same thing," Renji said, shrugging. "By killin' 'em, you're exorcisin' 'em so they can come and live here in Soul Society as normal souls. They revert back to their human form. Dunno if I mentioned it or not, but Hollows are kinda more…well, animalistic, I guess. When ya kill 'em, ya always have to split them in half, starting with the white mask on their face. Otherwise, they'll just bleed a bit."

"How do you kill them?"

"Our zanpaku-to," Renji explained, getting up and going to retrieve something from the other side of the room. When he returned, Ichigo saw that he had brought over the sword he'd carried earlier. He propped the end of the sword – now free of its scabbord – on the table Ichigo was sitting at, resting his hands at the guard. "This is mine. It's name's Zabimaru."

"You _named _it?" Ichigo asked, frowning. "Why the hell would you name a sword?"

"It ain't a sword!" Renji said, glaring at Ichigo. "It's a zanpaku-to! And all of 'em have names!"

"Whatever," Ichigo said. "You can call it whatever you want, it's still a sword."

"Can a normal sword do this?" Renji asked cockily, bringing a hand down to trail across the length of the blade. When his fingers passed over the steel, it changed into a wider, serrated blade with sharp, jagged teeth. Ichigo's eyes widened. "Each zanpaku-to have two states – shikai and bankai. Most Soul Reapers – unless they're just plain pathetic – can achieve shikai, which is this state." He nodded to the serrated sword. "Generally, shikai increases a zanpaku-to's power by a couple times and gives it special abilities and attacks. Bankai's the same thing, only it increases its power by five to ten times. Only Captains and a few other people ever achieve bankai."

"And you're a Captain?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep, fifth division," Renji said. "That's like the fifth time I've said that. Your memory's sure shotty, ain't it?"

"Shut up!" Ichigo said, scowling darkly. "I was just checkin'!"

"Sure ya were," Renji said, grinning cockily. He brought the sword up off the table, returning it to its normal state as he brought it down to his side. "Of course, Soul Reapers got other methods we use to defend ourselves."

"Like what?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, we're all trained in hand-to-hand combat, or hakuda," Renji said. "And then there's kido, which is basically spells used to either bind or attack. We can also use shunpo to kinda…move quickly." His summary was very lame and ineffectual, Ichigo thought, though he knew what the red-head was talking about, since he'd used it to transport Ichigo here and there.

"Had enough, or want more?" Renji asked, grinning.

"I'm good for now," Ichigo said. He looked up at Renji, who was busy scraping a bit of dirt off his zanpaku-to. "Hey, Renji…" he started, wanting to bring up a question without having the red-head go completely numb on him. Renji looked up at him questioningly when he broke off.

"Don't start somethin' ya ain't gonna finish," Renji said condescendingly.

"Dammit, will you shut up and give me a few seconds?" Ichigo demanded. "I was just thinkin' how to phrase the freakin' question!" Renji rolled his eyes, but didn't respond. "Well, I was just wonderin'," Ichigo huffed out a moment later, "why would my death affect you? Why would you have a nightmare 'bout me dyin'?"

Renji became very still. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I mean, we're friends. Ain't that enough?"

"I don't know," Ichigo said thoughtfully. "But, I mean, we weren't like best friends or anything. Were we?"

"Tch, far from it," Renji said, smirking. "Most of the time, all we did was argue. Never really talked 'bout anything important."

"So how many times did I almost die?" Ichigo asked. He wondered absently why he was in such a hurry to discuss his near-death experiences. What a morbid wish.

"I lost count after ten," Renji said quietly.

"Then why didn't I die then and there?" Ichigo mused, more to himself than to Renji. "I should've died."

"Don't say that!" Renji said harshly. Ichigo blinked at him in surprise. "_Never _say that. Do you know what it would've done to everyone here in Soul Society if you'd died? Everyone here – 'cept a few Captains, but most of 'em are tightasses anyways – fuckin' _idolizes _you, Ichigo. You're the guy who broke into Soul Society, fought your way across the whole fuckin' Seireitei and managed to rescue a condemned prisoner from execution, fightin' four of the strongest Soul Reapers we got. No one knows how the hell ya did it, but you're a fuckin' hero. If you'd died…everyone would've been scared shitless.

"Besides that, how the hell do ya think we would feel if ya'd died?" Renji continued, his speech growing more and more impassioned as he spoke. "Your friends? Chad, Orihime, Ishida, me 'n Rukia, and the rest of us? Rukia would've freakin' sobbed for freakin' years, sayin' how it was all her fuckin' fault for gettin' ya into this mess in the first place. So don't you dare question why you didn't die! The point is, ya didn't, so have a little gratitude!" His tirade having ended, Renji crossed his arms over his chest and stared pointedly in a different direction.

Ichigo hadn't expected such a reaction from the red-head. He'd known that wars were touchy business, but he didn't think that such a little thought would provoke such a passionate answer. It was certainly much more than he'd expected. "Sorry," he said quietly, looking down at the floor. He even felt a little guilty for getting Renji so riled up. Just a little.

"What?" Renji asked, turning to look at him again. "What did you say?"

"Sorry?" Ichigo repeated, frowning in confusion. Was he supposed to say something else?

"You never say you're sorry," Renji said flatly.

"I just did," Ichigo said blankly.

To Ichigo's immense surprise, Renji set his zanpaku-to down on the table and walked over to Ichigo, until he was standing right over him. "Are ya sure you're feelin' okay?" he asked, putting his hand against Ichigo's forehead. Ichigo flushed involuntarily; what the hell was Renji doing?! He jerked away, slapping Renji's hand away.

"I'm fine, you moron," Ichigo said. "I AM capable of apologizin', despite what you seem to think!"

"Yeah, but ya never apologize to me," Renji said, still sounding surprised. "You hate me."

"No, I don't," Ichigo said. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"Well, we ain't exactly bosom buddies, in case ya hadn't noticed," Renji said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"But you're all I've got," Ichigo said, frowning.

"What?" Renji asked weakly, flushing slightly.

"Chad's not dead yet; he ain't here," Ichigo said. "I don't know anyone else. If…if I hadn't recognized you, I'd probably be locked up somewhere like a freakin' mental case, right?" Renji shifted uncomfortably; he took that as a yes. "I can't hate you. You're all I have left."

"Ichigo," Renji said softly.

"Oh, whatever, fine, just leave me alone," Ichigo said, standing up and moving away to go somewhere else, anywhere else. Obviously, Renji felt like he was some weird kid too attached to its parents to let go and live its own life. "Just forget I said that." He plopped down on the couch and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Why?" Renji asked, coming to sit down beside him. He sat on the couch side-ways, so that he look at Ichigo without having to turn his head.

"Because you obviously think I'm a ravin' lunatic," Ichigo muttered.

"Been sayin' that all along," Renji chuckled. Ichigo just rolled his eyes. "Oh, c'mon, Ichigo, I didn't mean it that way. I know I'm all ya got, and I ain't gonna let ya down. I'm tryin' to help ya. I just…don't know what to do." He scratched his head in confusion. "But ya gotta open up to me. I can't just fly blind here."

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't do well with openin' up to people," Ichigo said.

"Can't ya even try?" Renji demanded. "That's your problem, Ichigo, ya never let anyone in!" Ichigo turned to look at him. "No one, not even your best friends! We'd die for ya, do whatever we could to help ya, but ya never let us in! Sometimes, you're like talkin' to a brick wall."

"Yeah, well," Ichigo said, trying to come up with an excuse…and failing miserably.

"That's what I mean," Renji pointed out. He sighed and put a hand out on Ichigo's shoulder. "I know this is difficult for ya. But ya can't shut everyone else out or you _are _gonna go batshit insane. Well, more than ya already are, I suppose." Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Ya know I mean that in a good way."

"How is tellin' someone they're batshit insane a good thing?" Ichigo demanded.

"Term of endearment, ya know," Renji said, nodding.

"Whatever," Ichigo said. He sighed. "Fine, I'll try to open up more, or whatever you said. But you gotta do it too."

"What?!" Renji said sharply. "What the fuck are ya goin' on 'bout now?"

Ichigo smirked. "No more tellin' me things that are only half-true," he said. "I'm easy to please – gimme a blunt answer. Don't beat around the frickin' bush."

"Fine," Renji said sullenly. "Then here's your first newsflash. You smell horrible. Go take a shower."

* * *

Well, once this chapter got started, I just couldn't stop. I don't have very good self-restraint, apparently, haha. Not that I mind. I like writing this kind of thing. Term papers on the other hand...those I could do without. Anyways, I hope this one was okay. I kinda wrote it early this morning before classes, so I wasn't _quite _awake. Of course, I don't really fully wake up until around two in the afternoon, but whatever, lol.

Thanks again for all the reviews!! If you want to drop a review for this chapter, go riiiiight ahead. I love reviews.


	6. Meet the Fackers

Oh my god, this is seriously the third time I've tried to upload this today. Stupid site keeps saying I'm not logged in and crap. Which I obviously am, otherwise I wouldn't be able to even write this down. Stupid internet. Does anybody feel that way? God, I wish technology was less prone to being retarded.

Anyways, lol. I had planned on putting this out tomorrow. But it's Renji's birthday, today, so I decided to update, even though this chapter isn't really fluffy or sappy or romanticy or anything else. But this is the last of the introductory chapters, so from now on, there WILL be more action. Promise.

Thanks again for all the reviews!!

* * *

After Ichigo had taken the prescribed shower, he came back into the main area to see that Renji had pulled on a dark navy t-shirt and put his hair up into its normal style. He was leaning against the couch and reading a stack of papers in his hand, the other hand holding a pen up to his mouth, where his teeth were biting into the top almost painfully. He looked frustrated and bored to the max. He looked up as Ichigo entered the room. That apparently was a signal to stop working, because he threw the papers down, the pen soon following it.

"What took ya so long?" the red-head demanded. "What'd ya do, scrub the top five layers of skin off?"

"Shut up," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. "You were the one who said I needed a bath, so don't complain if I took my own sweet time doin' it."

"Ya weren't jerkin' off or somethin', were ya?" Renji asked, a mischievous smirk growing on his face.

Ichigo's face grew hot with embarrassment and anger. "No, you pervert!" he said, his hands clenching into fists at his side. "You said I was dirty so I took my time washin' off all the dirt!"

"Geez, no need to get so worked up 'bout it. Perfectly normal thing to do," Renji said, scoffing at him lightly. "But c'mon, we're goin' now. Tch, took ya long enough to get ready. We're already wastin' daylight. Not that it would matter if the sun weren't out."

"Why?" Ichigo asked suspiciously.

Renji turned to look at him over his shoulder. "We're goin' to see some old friends of yours," he said. "Might as well reintroduce ya to 'em. Heck, ya might even remember a few of 'em!" His face was doubtful, however hopeful his words might be.

"Who are we gonna go see?" Ichigo asked. He still wasn't too sure about the "go re-meet everybody" scheme. He had never really like awkward conversations or introductions, and re-meeting people had to be worse than initially meeting people. Wasn't it? He couldn't imagine it would be any better.

Renji went over and opened the door. "People," he said ambiguously. "No one who'll try and make fun of ya for havin' no memory. I wouldn't do that to ya."

Ichigo frowned. That thought hadn't even crossed his mind, so why had Renji brought it up? Honestly, the man had been acting so strange the past day or so. Of course, he only had a few things to go by, with all the holes in his memory, but still. That was beside the point. "Whatever," he said, walking towards the door. "So where are we goin' first?"

"Well, it's 'bout…" Renji trailed off as he looked up at the sun to attempt to judge the time of day. Apparently, he'd forgotten his watch. "Eh, it's 'bout noon, I guess. That's 'bout when most people go in for their lunch. How 'bout we go see if we can round up some people?" He grinned at Ichigo, but somehow the younger man didn't feel as if he was getting any say in the matter.

They didn't really talk as they walked down the streets. Sometimes, people would say a greeting to Renji or perhaps stop and have a chat with him, but none of them seemed too hasty to talk to Ichigo. For the most part, Ichigo was feeling a bit put out. What was the point of even being here if no one was even going to talk to him? His habitual scowl was only deepening on time passed.

"You okay, Ichigo?" Renji asked after one particularly long conversation. "Ya ain't sayin' much."

"What am I supposed to say?" Ichigo demanded. "I don't know these people."

"Oh, right," Renji muttered. "Sorry 'bout that." He looked up and scanned the current courtyard they were in. His face immediately broke out into a wide grin. "Ah, look, we're in luck!" He nodded to a man who was walking across the stones about fifty feet away from them. "Oi, Shuhei!" he yelled out. The man instantly stopped and turned to look at him. His face broke out in a grin and he changed directions to come towards Renji and Ichigo.

"Yo, Renji, Ichigo, what's up?" the newcomer asked.

"How do you know my name?" Ichigo asked. This man looked familiar too, so he guessed that he'd known him previously. He had shaggy black hair and three vertical scars running along the left side of his face. On his right cheek was a tattoo of a 69. He had a choker around his neck and a matching band around his left arm. He was wearing a Captain's haori similar to the one Renji had, except for the fact that his had the sleeves rolled up to the shoulder.

"You're friends, that's why," Renji said. "Ichigo, this is Shuhei Hisagi, Captain of division nine."

Shuhei nodded at him. "Long time no see, Ichigo," he said. "Remember me at all?"

"Well, you seem kinda…familiar," Ichigo said.

Shuhei shrugged. "Better 'n nothing, I suppose," he said. He then turned his attention to Renji. "Guess you're showing him around then?" Renji nodded. "I saw Ikkaku and Yumichika back a little ways. Want me to go get 'em?"

"Sure," Renji said. "We should all meet somewhere. Got any ideas?"

"How 'bout that one bar near the eleventh division barracks?" Shuhei suggested. "It's got pretty good sake."

"I'm up for that," Renji said, grinning. "Know where Rangiku is?"

"Probably still in bed," Shuhei said, smirking.

"Long night last night, eh?" Renji asked, snickering.

"Yeah," Shuhei said appreciatively. "I'll get her and the others. Meet you there in a few minutes?"

"Sounds good," Renji said. Shuhei nodded once more and then shunpo-ed off in a completely new direction, probably to go get Yumichika and Ikkaku, or whoever he'd mentioned getting. Ichigo was completely lost with all the names. Renji grabbed his arm and started to pull him away down a different side street. "C'mon, Ichigo. We'll be late if we don't hurry up."

"Who's all comin'?" Ichigo asked warily. He let Renji lead him on through the streets, though he noticed that the other man wasn't letting go of his arm. And it wasn't a harsh grip either; it was gentle, leading, as if Ichigo was a child or something. He should have been upset with that, but he found himself not minding.

"Weren't ya payin' attention?" Renji asked. "Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rangiku and Shuhei. You've seen 'em all since ya lost your memory. Well, all except Rangiku, but once ya see her, you'll never forget her."

"Why?"

Renji chuckled. "Trust me," he assured a bewildered Ichigo. "No one forgets Rangiku Matsumoto."

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, everyone had gathered around a corner table in the dimly lit bar that Shuhei had suggested. Ichigo recognized the ones named Ikkaku and Yumichika – they were the two other men who'd come with Renji and that Rukia girl to find him. Ikkaku was the bald one and Yumichika was the feminine one. Apparently, they were the third and fifth seats of the eleventh division. Renji had confided his suspicions to Ichigo that the two were secretly together, but Ichigo didn't really press the matter. He honestly didn't care if they were together or not.

There were three others. One was Shuhei. Another was a pale, blonde man with large blue-green eyes and a permanently sad expression. Apparently his name was Izuru Kira – he was the lieutenant of the third division. The other, however, was probably one of the most intimidating people Ichigo had ever met. And why was she intimidating? She was just so…completely open, about everything!

Her name was Rangiku Matusmoto and she was the lieutenant of the tenth division. She had long golden hair and blue eyes, as well as a set of breasts that were larger even than Orihime's. He thought that was the name of the girl who'd come to see him yesterday. He'd never been good with linking names and faces. Apparently, Rangiku and Shuhei were together, and had been for a while now. That didn't surprise Ichigo – she seemed _exactly _like the type of girl Shuhei would like.

They'd all been talking for about an hour or so now. Sometimes Ichigo would get into the conversation, but more often than naught, he found himself going off into his own world, thinking hard about the people around him. Why couldn't he just remember them? They all seemed so familiar, and he fit in so easily. It was so frustrating.

He recognized all of them, but he didn't really remember them. And sometimes, he'd remember really random snippets of information about them. Like he somehow associated Rangiku with cats. When he'd mentioned it, she'd explained that that was in relation to her zanpaku-to, Haineko – ash cat. And Ikkaku always reminded him of a game of pachinko. He didn't quite know what to make of that.

"Oi, Ichigo, answer the freakin' question!" Renji demanded, speaking directly into his ear.

Ichigo jerked and looked up to see six expectant faces staring at him. Darn it! He must've gone off again into his own little world. "Um, sorry," he said. "What was that?"

"Ikkaku just asked if ya were feelin' up to havin' any sparrin' matches anytime soon," Renji said.

"Sparring?" Ichigo asked, confused. "Like fightin'?"

"Guess not then," Ikkaku said, grinning. "Well, when ya do get your powers back, Ichigo, come find me. Hozukimaru wants a rematch, ya know."

"Hozukimaru?" Ichigo asked weakly.

"His zanpaku-to," Yumichika clarified. "You beat him once and he's never forgiven you for it."

"We had a fight?" Ichigo asked.

"Once," Ikkaku said. "When ya first came to Soul Society. Don't really blame ya for it, I was being cocky. But ya won't get away so easily next time!" His eyes gleamed with promise.

"Um, okay," Ichigo said.

Yumichika chuckled. "Lay off, Ikkaku," he said quietly. "You're frightening him."

"I'm not scared of him!" Ichigo said hotly. Ikkaku only grinned at him. "Stupid skinhead."

"What was that?" Ikkaku asked, his eyes instantly narrowing.

"You heard me," Ichigo said.

"I am not a skinhead," Ikkaku said dangerously.

"Yes, you are," Ichigo said. "Go buy a wig or something."

"I AM NOT BALD!" Ikkaku yelled suddenly, slamming his glass down onto the table so hard that its contents slipped out onto the table. Yumichika leaned sideways in distaste, wrinkling his nose as the clear liquid seeped out into the wood.

"And my hair's blue," Renji said, agreeing. He snickered at Ikkaku's outraged sputters, and then stood up. "Well, I'll be back in a sec. Gotta find the bathroom in this place." He walked over to the bartender and started asking for directions.

"Come on, Ikkaku," Yumichika said, sighing. "Let's get you out of here before you do something you regret." He grabbed his friend's arm and stood up, attempting to pull him out with him, but the bald man wasn't budging. Yumichika looked beseechingly at Rangiku and Kira. "Would you two please assist me?" he asked. "It seems as though this great lug is being even more stubborn than usual."

Rangiku chuckled and stood up, smacking Ikkaku lightly on the head. Kira grabbed his other arm, and together, the three of them managed to coerce the man out of the bar. That left Ichigo alone with Shuhei. For a few moments, there was a sort of awkward silence. What was he supposed to say? He didn't really know Shuhei anymore, and he wasn't sure of what to do.

"So you're staying at Renji's place, right?" Shuhei asked suddenly.

"Yeah," Ichigo said, frowning slightly. What was Shuhei asking that for? That was pretty random, wasn't it?

"Must be nice for Renji," Shuhei said quietly, lightly tracing a finger along the rim of his glass.

"Why?" Ichigo asked, his frown deepening.

"You have no idea how much the bastard missed you when you were still alive," Shuhei said, grinning slightly. "You know, when the war ended. He's told you about the war, right?" Ichigo nodded. "Guess you two got pretty close then. Never was the same without you here."

"He missed me?" Ichigo asked, growing surprised. Renji? The same Renji who acted so rough and gruff in his memories? The same man?

"You kidding me?" Shuhei asked. "He was basically useless without you here!" He chuckled lightly. "You know, I'm almost starting to think that he-"

"Where'd everybody go?" Renji asked, suddenly reappearing from the bathroom.

Ichigo groaned internally. Why did Renji have to show up _now? _He had just been getting to a good part in the conversation! And he wanted to know what Shuhei had been going to say! Perhaps it would've given him some insight into why the red-head had been acting so strangely lately.

"Yumichika decided it was time to take Ikkaku home," Shuhei said easily. "He needed Kira and Rangiku to help."

"Oh," Renji said. "Guess we're done here, then?"

Shuhei nodded and stood up. "I'll get the tab here today," he said. Renji started to protest, but he cut him off. "Don't worry 'bout it, Renji. You can get the next one." Renji frowned at him, but still nodded anyways. "See you guys later."

Renji nodded and beckoned Ichigo to follow him. The younger did so willingly, still wondering about what Shuhei had been going to say. He couldn't believe how badly he wanted to know! They walked all the way back to Renji's apartment in silence. Every now and then, Renji would shoot him concerned glances out of the corners of his eyes, but he didn't say anything.

When they got back to Renji's place, Ichigo sat down on the couch, still deep in thought.

"Oi, Ichigo," Renji said, shutting the door and coming over to stand beside him. Ichigo looked up, letting his hands fall into his lap. "Shuhei didn't say anything to ya, did he?" For some reason, he looked worried.

"No," Ichigo said quietly. "Why?"

"Just wondering," the red-head said, shrugging. "Well, I gotta go take a look at this paperwork. If ya need somethin', just say the words." Ichigo nodded and watched as the man walked into the kitchen. He heard him pull out a chair and sit down in a chair; then there was a sigh, and the light scratching of a pen on paper.

Ichigo leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. He needed to stop thinking about what Shuhei had said. And Renji, he added belatedly. But he couldn't. He wanted to know what Shuhei had been going to say when Renji had came back. He had a thought…but no, that couldn't be it. That was just too impossible. It couldn't be that. No way.

He found himself soon drifting off into a dozing state, not quite sleeping but not quite awake either. His eyes drifted shut and his breathing slowed down to a comfortable rate. For some reason, there were visions of a strange place behind his eyelids – a cluster of tall, windowed towers with no ground in sight. There was a pale blue sky above the towers, and gray clouds floating along. They looked like rain.

He was standing on the side of one of these towers. That was strange in itself, for he wasn't falling down. He was just as stable as he had ever been. Looking around, he discovered that there was nothing else in this place. Just buildings…clouds…but suddenly there was a presence behind him, and an inexplicable chill crept through him. Slowly, he looked around and found himself staring at…well, himself, only in reverse. His eyes widened. "Who are you?" he asked hoarsely.

"Aw, ya don't remember me, King?" the figure asked. "What a pity. Cause I certainly remember you."

* * *

Well, after reading this chapter, I'm not so sure that I like it. Oh well. The next will be better, I promise, cause there's finally gonna be some action!! Good old Hichigo returns!! Woot!! Anyways, next chapter should be out mid-week, tomorrow if I get a lot of reviews and people want more like now. I guess I could do that.

So I guess if you want more like tomorrow, just review and tell me so. If lots of people want it, who am I to deny Renji and Ichigo love? Lol, not to mention it's ridiculously easy to twist my arm about stuff like that XD. Anyways. Tell me what you want me to do!!


	7. Inner Collapse

Haha, 15 reviews in one night?? Guess all I have to do is ask for reviews with a reward of a new chapter, then, eh? Lol, well, this one was just so much fun to write that I couldn't stop myself. I appreciate all the reviews, though. Seriously, you guys are awesome!! I hope everyone likes this chapter. I was excited - I actually used my anatomy terminology for the first time!!

* * *

"What the hell are you?" Ichigo asked frantically. "And where am I?"

"I'm hurt, King, really," the thing said, putting on a mock-sad expression. "That ya don't remember me, out of all people. Me, the closest thing ya got to a relative now." Ichigo was slowly backing away from him now. "Me, the other half of your soul."

"What the fuck are you talkin' about?" Ichigo demanded, clenching his fists at his side.

"What he says is true," another voice rang out from behind Ichigo. This one was deeper, and more familiar, not threatening at all. Ichigo whirled around to see a tall, middle-aged man with long dark brown hair and brown-tinted glasses on. "He is the other half of your soul, the evil half. The Hollow half."

"I'm not a Hollow!" Ichigo said. "And who are you people?"

"Can you not even remember me?" the man asked, his black cloak billowing in the wind. "Do you not remember where you are, or what you are doing here?"

"Tch, seems like you've gotten pretty weak, King," the thing scoffed, reaching behind his back to grab something. Ichigo's eyes widened when he saw the thing retrieve a humongous sword from its back. It was pure white, with a blackened edge, but it was strange in that it had no guard or hilt. It was just like a huge cleaver. And it was horribly familiar. Ichigo knew that he'd seen this before. He knew it. But what shocked him the most was that he knew it truly belonged to _him, _not to the look-alike standing before him.

"That's mine," he said suddenly, pointing to the sword.

"Nope, this one's mine," the thing said. "Dunno what ya did with yours. Probably lost it, as much of an idiot as ya are. Still," he moved the sword so that it was pointed straight at Ichigo, "it ain't gonna help ya now." Suddenly, he jumped forward, lunging with a huge strike. Ichigo yelped and dodged it, hitting the ground and rolling to the side before jumping back up. The thing only cackled at him.

"Ichigo!" the man called out from where he was standing. "You must fight! You cannot run forever!"

"How the hell am I supposed to fight this guy?" Ichigo demanded, just barely dodging each attack that his doppelganger threw at him. "I'm just barely missin' gettin' skewered!"

"You must call my name!" the man instructed. "You know it!"

"No, I don't!" Ichigo cried out, running towards the edge of the building. "I don't know you!"

"Yes, you do," the man insisted. "It may be hidden within the corners of your memory, but it is still there. If you look hard enough, you will find it."

"Easier said than done!" Ichigo yelled over his shoulder. He looked over his shoulder and dove towards the ground when he saw that the thing attacking him had thrown the huge sword. "Would you quit that?!" he demanded.

"Why the fuck would I do that?" the thing asked, grinning savagely. "This is fun!"

"Like hell it is!"

"I finally got ya right where I want ya," the creature said, suddenly using shunpo to tackle him and pin him to the ground. He picked up his sword and pushed the tip of it to Ichigo's throat. "I win this time, King."

"Why do you keep callin' me that?" Ichigo demanded, squirming as he tried to get free.

The thing above him scowled. "So ya really don't remember anythin', do ya?" he asked, studying him. "That's a pity. Old man over there won't lemme kill ya just yet. Says it ain't fair to kill ya when ya got no way of defendin' yourself. But you're a right mess, King. Ya better get yourself together soon or I'm gonna kill ya whether he wants me to or not. Still…didn't say anything 'bout doin' this." He smirked menacingly. He slowly, painfully excruciating, drug the tip of the sword across Ichigo's chest, pushing deeper the farther along he got.

Ichigo screamed in pain. It was so intense, like a fire was burning along his chest. The look-alike slowly pushed himself up from where he was and stepped back, staring down at Ichigo while licking his lips. As soon as he was free, Ichigo scrambled backwards, standing up dizzily. His head swam with the heady, sickly sweet scent of blood in his nose and the pain staggering him. What the hell was this guy doing?! Was this for real?

Suddenly, the thing barked out a laugh. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen, eh, King?" he asked, licking his lips again. He took a step forward again teasingly. Ichigo – who obviously didn't see it as teasing – took several hasty steps backwards. What he didn't see was that he was at the edge of one of the buildings. That last step put him horribly off-balance.

"Shit," he muttered as he lost his fight with gravity and careened off the edge of the tower. He fell through the air head-first, not even able to scream. The wind rushed his ears and stung his face. The thought that he was going to die rushed through his head several times, but he wasn't able to focus on it. The pain was just too overwhelming. And all the while, that thing was laughing its head off at the top of the tower, looking down at him with a maniacal grin on his face…

* * *

"Ichigo?" Renji asked. He looked up from his paperwork. The kid had been making very strange noises for a few moments now. It was like whimpering…as if he were in pain. Every time he'd resolved to get up and see what was wrong, the noises would stop for a while. So he'd reluctantly go back to his paperwork, only to have the noises start up a few moments later. Since when had Ichigo even fallen asleep? Was he that tired?

He bent back down to his papers when there was no answer and started to scratch his name out along the lines on one particularly nasty form. Shit, but he hated paperwork. Why couldn't he just give it to Momo to do? She was perfectly capable of forging his signature. And he honestly didn't give a fuck about the law in that case. Everyone knew that even if a Captain didn't sign their paperwork, things would still be done. It was just a formality, really.

Suddenly, Ichigo let out a blood-curdling scream. Renji whirled around just in time to see blood spurt everywhere over his living room. "Shit!" he said, dropping the pen immediately and rushing over to see what had happened to Ichigo. Something – or someone – had really slashed Ichigo up good, right across his chest. And it looked deep. But…Ichigo was still asleep. Or rather, his eyes were closed; but dreams couldn't physically hurt you.

He felt his blood grow cold. _That Hollow_. "SHIT!" he cried out again, instantly picking up Ichigo in his arms and running out the door. He couldn't waste time running; despite the fact that shunpo generally disoriented those who used it, Ichigo was losing blood fast. If he didn't hurry…no, he wasn't going to think like that. He couldn't. Not now. Unconsciously, Ichigo had grabbed onto his shirt, his entire face wreathed in pain.

He skidded to a stop right before the fourth division's emergency relief station. Luckily, Captain Unohana was just coming outside, a peaceful expression on her face. She saw Renji, and then her dark blue eyes traveled to Ichigo, lying in his arms, unconscious and bloody. "Follow me," she said quickly, turning on her heels and striding back into the ward purposefully. Renji rushed to catch up with her, not bothering to apologize to those fourth division members he bumped into as he passed.

"What happened, Renji?" Unohana asked quietly as she led him into a room. "Put him on the bed, there, gently." Renji did as she said, gently placing Ichigo down on the bed. He had to fight with the hands though; apparently, Ichigo didn't want to let go of his shirt. She looked up from what she was doing to see Renji struggling to get Ichigo to let go. "It would probably be better if you just took your shirt off, Renji," she said quietly. "It doesn't look like he's letting go anytime soon."

"Yeah," Renji said, slowly slipping the tee-shirt off. Once it was off his body, Ichigo's hands only clenched it more tightly, as if he was afraid he was going to lose it. "Can you heal him?"

"Of course I can heal him," Unohana said, coming over to stand beside Ichigo. "But I'm afraid you'll have to wait outside. I can't guarantee that this is going to be pretty. That's a very severe wound, you know."

"What?" Renji asked. "Wait outside?" Unohana nodded as she put on a pair of gloves. He didn't want to wait outside! He wanted to be there for Ichigo! Well, he wanted to make sure the kid was alright, of course. That was all. "Fine," he said, walking outside the room and shutting the door behind him. He sank down into a chair by the door, clenching his hands angrily into fists. He sat there quietly for a few moments, anxious. And then the screaming began.

His eyes whipped around towards the door, but it didn't open. Unohana must have had it under control. She better have, Renji thought, clenching his jaw. But the screaming didn't stop. He found himself having to keep himself sitting in the chair; he had to clench the armrests as a precaution. Wasn't there any relief from this? It was torture, having to listen to Ichigo scream in agony and not being able to do anything.

"Renji!" someone called out from down the hallway. He looked up, welcoming the distraction. It was Rukia, running towards him with a stricken expression on her face. "What happened?" she asked, taking in his appearance. She immediately sank down into the chair beside him. "What's wrong with Ichigo? Hanataro told me he'd been brought in."

"I dunno myself," Renji said darkly. "He just screamed suddenly and there was blood…everywhere." He shook his head. "Has to be somethin' with that Hollow inside him. I swear, if I ever meet that bastard, I'll fuckin'-"

"His Hollow?" Rukia gasped. "Renji, that's serious!"

"You think I don't know that?" he demanded, glaring at her. "That's all it could be. He was just sittin' on the couch."

"Well, what were you doing?" she demanded back. "You were supposed to be watching him!"

"He was just sittin' there!" he protested defensively. "All of a sudden he just screamed and there was this huge gash on his chest! I can't prevent anythin' that happens in his own head!"

"I know," she said, sighing. "I'm just worried. If his Hollow can affect what happens to his physical body…oh, no, Renji, Ichigo doesn't have his powers back yet!" He just stared at her blankly, not quite understanding what she was getting at. She leaned forward across the armrest, her violet eyes worried. "What if the Hollow takes over since Ichigo can't defend himself right now?"

"I never thought of that," Renji said quietly, putting his face in his hands. The screams in the room continued. He couldn't help but think back to that one time, during the war…that one time when the Hollow had almost taken control, had almost beaten Ichigo. It was always such a gamble with that thing, he thought angrily. Sometimes, it saved Ichigo's life – but always out of a selfish desire to live. And Ichigo would constantly beat it down, fighting for his own sanity. It just wasn't fair.

* * *

It was early evening by the time Unohana finally retreated from Ichigo's room. She smiled wearily at Renji and Rukia, who stood up immediately. "He's stable," she said quietly. "Something must have been going on with his inner Hollow." Renji tensed at first, but then realized that Unohana was one of the few others who actually knew about that – she'd had to heal Ichigo many times during the war, after all. They could trust Unohana; she wouldn't tell anyone.

"So he'll survive?" Renji asked quickly.

Unohana nodded. "He might have to stay here a few days, but he should come out of this with no permanent damage," she said. "I have to warn you though…he didn't only suffer from the one wound. Apparently, anything that happens in his inner world affects his physical body."

"What else is there?" Rukia asked nervously.

"Well, the gash itself was the nastiest wound," Unohana explained. "Since it was so deep in the abdominal cavity, several of his internal organs were punctured. There was some internal bleeding, but I was able to stop it before it was severe. However, the biggest problem was that it pierced his intestines. You were lucky that you arrived when you did, Renji; any longer, and Ichigo might have died from a severe case of peritonitis."

"But he'll live?" Renji pressed. He didn't know what peritonitis was. He didn't want to know how close it had been.

"Yes," Unohana said, smiling softly. "I've fixed all of the internal bleeding and cleaned up the infection. Now, all that Mr. Kurosaki requires is several days of rest and some looking after. He should wake up in a few moments. Would you two like to see him?" They both nodded vigorously. "Alright, then, but I'm afraid only one of you will be able to stay the night with him in the room. We'll release him in the morning depending upon his condition."

She stepped out of the way and let them rush the room. The sight of Ichigo lying in a hospital bed, bandaged up and with needles in his arms and equipment monitoring all of his vital statistics sickened Renji. It wasn't right; it wasn't Ichigo. The person lying in the bed, a slightly painful expression still lingering on his sleeping face, wasn't Ichigo; it was just…not him. There were several different cuts on his face, though they were small and inconsequential. His left arm was bandaged as well. What he wouldn't give to know what had happened!

Rukia moved over to his side, looking down at him with an incredibly sad expression on her face. She looked as though she might cry. Renji came up to stand behind her; he put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It'll be alright," he said quietly. "Unohana said that he'd live."

"I know," she said, sniffling. "It's just hard, because I know that we can't do anything about this. This is Ichigo's battle, and we can't fight it for him. I just hope he wins."

"Of course he'll win," Renji said in a reproachful tone of voice. "He's Ichigo. He's too damn stubborn to lose. Ya know that as I well as I do, Rukia." She let out a watery laugh. After a few more moments, she turned around and made as if to leave. "Where are ya goin'?" he asked, surprised.

"He doesn't remember me," Rukia said softly. "He doesn't need me right now. It's _you _that he needs, Renji. Just…just keep me posted on what happens." She smiled sadly before having to leave the room quickly. He heard her light sobs echoing down the hallway, despite her doing her best to muffle them. He sighed and pulled up a chair to sit beside Ichigo. He noticed that the boy was still clutching his shirt as if his life depended on it; for some reason, the thought made Renji smile.

It was amazing to him how different Ichigo looked when he slept. There was no scowl, and no frown. In fact, the only expression was the slight twinge of pain that Renji had noted earlier. But it was so slight that anybody who didn't know Ichigo as well as Renji did would've missed it. His mouth was slightly open; Renji found that incredibly cute, though he'd never admit it to anybody. Ichigo may have been an adult now, but he still seemed like an innocent kid when he slept.

Suddenly, Ichigo stirred. His brow creased for a moment, and then relaxed as his chocolate-brown eyes slowly opened. He blinked at Renji, and then blinked again, moving his eyes to see where he was. "Renji?" he said sleepily. "Where am I?"

"The fourth division's emergency relief station," Renji said quietly. "Do you remember what happened?"

Ichigo frowned, and then sighed. "Yeah," he said. "What's wrong with me this time?"

"This time?" Renji asked, frowning.

"Well, the first time I lost all my memories," Ichigo explained, "so what's it this time?"

Renji chuckled despite his best intentions not to. "Nothin' like that, Ichigo," he said softly. "Just the gash in your chest and a few other scratches. So you gonna tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing," Ichigo muttered.

"Obviously it ain't nothin'," Renji said reproachfully.

"I said it's nothing!" Ichigo said, half-sitting up in anger. But the movement made the wound on his chest pull uncomfortably. He groaned and fell back into the pillows, closing his eyes. "Sorry," he muttered.

"Don't be sorry," Renji said, standing up and looking down at him. "Just don't do anythin' stupid like try and move again." He grinned.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Was it bad?" he asked after a few moments.

"You've had worse," Renji admitted. "Bad enough to gimme a scare there."

"Yeah, right," Ichigo said, smirking. "You probably would've been glad to get rid of an invalid like me."

"You're not an invalid," Renji said firmly.

"Oh, really?" Ichigo asked, turning his face to stare him straight in the eye.

"Really," Renji said, leaning down so that his face was closer to Ichigo's. "You're not a burden or anything."

"Good to know," Ichigo said.

"But you owe me," Renji said, smirking suddenly.

"For what?" Ichigo asked indignantly.

"Ya got blood all over my living room," Renji reminded him. "So when you're done in here, I fully expect ya to clean everything up."

"Seriously?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep," Renji said. Suddenly, his eyes started twinkling mischievously. "Don't worry – you'll find a way to make up for it, somehow or another. I'm sure 'bout that."

* * *

Aw, this chapter was so sad to write. It was fun to write, but still sad. I try to put as many emotions into my writing as I can, so obviously, it makes my own emotions go all over the board. I hope I didn't make it too awful sappy. Cause I am, you know, a total sap. Anyways, lol.

Tell me how I did? Oh, and also, if there's something you'd like to see (like a certain reaction to someone or a certain fluffy part) I'm always open to suggestions. I try to work most things in unless they're completely not doable with the story line. Hopefully I met everybody's expectations!!


	8. Visions of the Past

So, I actually had to do something for this story that I've never done for any other piece of writing in my life - this morning, in class, I started making an outline for Phantasmagoria - **le gasp!!** - Shocking, I know. Because you see, I'm normally a very freelance, spontaneous writer. I just get an idea...go with it...and see where it takes me. I'll be typing, and all of a sudden, I'll go "Ooh, that'd be good to put in for shit 'n giggles!" and so I do it.

But I got that far with this story, and I was like, "um, okay, what am I going to do with this?". I know what I'm doing now, lol, but I didn't think I'd ever have to resort to an outline. Normally, I just use my brain. Haha, that reminds me of one of my friends (If you want to just skip this and read the freaking story, I don't blame you, lol). We were sitting in the auditorium once and were waiting for things to get rolling when he turns to me and says "You don't talk a lot." And I was like, "Um, I know that." So then he says, "So what you are doing when you're not talking!" Then he gets this like crazy-idea look on his face. "OH MY GOD, you're totally like coming up with your own world and languages and stuff, right?? Do you like hear voices in your head in other languages?!" I just kinda stared at him XD. He's such a nerd.

Anyways, I'll seriously shut up now. I can't help it, I'm a total rambler. Thanks again for all the reviews!! Also...anything that's _italicized_ is a dream. Just clarifying, lol.

* * *

The next morning, Unohana had declared that Ichigo was fit enough to go back to Renji's house, under the conditions that he rested and did nothing physically strenuous. Ichigo had reluctantly agreed; Renji knew how hard it for was the young man to sit around doing nothing, but he fully intended to use force if necessary to keep the kid from doing anything stupid. They'd put Ichigo in Renji's bed for now. Renji had willingly taken the couch – after he'd had a cleaning crew come in and clean up the mess, of course. Couldn't sleep on a bloody couch.

It had been three days since Ichigo's little mishap, and he still wasn't talking about it to anybody. He'd had some visitors, people coming to see him and wish him well. He'd even taken to talking to a few of them. Shuhei in particular seemed to be the one Ichigo remembered the most about. They'd sometimes talk for hours about things. The division nine Captain had taken over Renji's job of explaining the nuances of life in the Soul Society – not that Renji minded. He hated history lessons, and never figured himself for much of a teacher. Shuhei was just better at it than he was.

Though to be honest, he was wondering where Shuhei was finding the time for this. His lieutenant – a new person transferred over from the sixth after the war – must've been pretty good at paperwork, Renji thought ironically. Momo made sure to leave him all the paperwork he needed – or at least, the crap Yamamoto needed him to do. He technically didn't _need _any paperwork to achieve perfect happiness.

He sighed and set down the pen he was holding. It was late at night and his eyes were going blurry every time he tried to read something. It didn't help that it was mainly reports about missions to the world of the living. Honestly…he just didn't care about it, now or ever. It was boring, and someone else should've been able to read it and then decide whether it was worth bothering his time or not. Maybe he'd talk to his third seat later.

With a grunt, he pushed the chair back from the table and moved over to the couch, flopping down on it exhaustedly. He didn't even know why he was so tired; all he did was paperwork and then made sure Ichigo didn't kill himself. Or have someone kill him. It wasn't a hard task. He sighed again and closed his eyes, bringing a hand behind his head to serve as a pillow. The other was lying limply on his stomach. Man, he needed to do some training in the practice grounds. Yeah, that was it. Some good ole' training sessions with Zabimaru would have him feeling better in no time. It was to that comfortable thought that Renji fell asleep…

_There was blood, everywhere. Spattered on the walls, on the floor tiles, on the ceilings – or at least, what was left of them. Rubble was littered around the room, chunks of stone and tile and piles of dust and debris. There were bodies positioned at odd angles, unnatural ones, even in death. Their vacant gazes stared up at Renji accusingly, as if to ask, Why didn't you save me? He couldn't save them. He'd been nowhere near them._

_He looked up when he heard a harsh cry from the other side of the room. Ichigo was there, lying on his back in the middle of the room, sprawled out in an uncomfortable looking position. Above him, Aizen was standing there menacingly, the tip of his zanpaku-to at the base of his throat. Ichigo was breathing heavily, and there was a long gash running across one of his shoulders. It was almost identical to the one Renji had given Ichigo during their first encounter. _

_"You cannot win," Aizen said coldly, pressing the sword tip against Ichigo's throat so that it drew a little blood. "This is foolish, and you know it, Ichigo Kurosaki. You should not have come here, should not have put the lives of so many others at stake. How does it feel to know that they're all dead because of you?"_

_"Shut up!" Ichigo said furiously. "This is your fault! Don't blame me!"_

_"My fault?" Aizen asked innocently. "I didn't do anything. You were the one who came here to rescue Miss Inoue. I didn't do anything to make you come here. In fact, I thought it would be foolish for you to do so. Leaping headfirst into your enemy's lair is never a very good strategy. But then again…you never think about strategy, do you?" The sword pressed against his throat a little harder._

_"I said…shut up," Ichigo said, struggling to talk now with the steel pressed against his voice box._

_"How low you have fallen, Kurosaki," Aizen said contemptuously. "I would kill you, but I don't think that would be a suitable enough punishment for the things you have done to my plans. No, I won't kill you. But it is high time you learned that there are some things far worse than death." He raised a hand and beckoned to a figure at his side. Renji saw Ulquiorra bring over a blindfolded child, small and frail. It was a girl, with dark shoulder length hair and boyish clothes. "Restrain him, Ulquiorra."_

_The pale Espada moved behind Ichigo and drew his zanpaku-to, pressing the tip of it against his throat. Aizen then released his own sword and brought it out to his side. Ichigo squirmed around a bit, trying to get a better view at the child. When he could tell who it was, his eyes widened in panic. "No, don't!" he yelled. "Please, don't, take me instead! Don't touch her!"_

_Aizen looked over him, mildly surprised. "Kill her?" he asked. "I'm not going to kill her." He dropped the sword, and it instantly began to use its deadly technique to form an exact duplicate of Ichigo himself, minus his current injuries. "You are."_

_"Ichi-nii?" the little girl asked. "Are you here? I can't see anything."_

_"Karin, please, run away!" the real Ichigo yelled. "He'll kill you! Dammit, run away, Karin!"_

_"Don't listen to him," Aizen's imposter said quietly, moving forward to lean down so that he was at Karin's level. He reached behind her head and took off the blindfold. "He's just another one of this place's tricks. He's tryin' to confuse you, make you think I'm not real."_

_"He's not real!" Ichigo protested, glaring up at Ulquiorra. "He's just an illusion! Karin, please, listen to me!"_

_Karin grabbed the imposter by the shoulders. "Are you really Ichi-nii?" she asked skeptically._

_The imposter apparently saw the doubt in her eyes because he smiled gently and drew her towards him in a hug. "Of course it's me, you idiot," he said softly. "Now come on, let's get out of here." Karin nodded and let him take her by the hand. _

_Ichigo grabbed hold of Ulquiorra's sword and wrenched it away from his throat, trying to stand up. But just as he lurched towards his sister, Ulquiorra slashed the tendons at his knees. With a cry, he fell to the ground, his legs unable to support him. "You are not to move," the Espada said coldly. "Do it again and I will kill you, despite Lord Aizen's orders."_

_Ichigo pushed himself up from the ground with his arms, grunting with pain. Karin was looking at him oddly. "Please, Karin, don't go with him," he begged her. "He's not real! He's not your who you think he is!"_

_"You're just an imposter," she said, scowling. "Don't lie to me."_

_"Karin," Ichigo whispered painfully. _

_"Don't talk to me!" Karin yelled at him. "You're not real!" She turned around to the imposter. "I wanna go home, Ichi-nii." She took a step towards him. "I wanna get away from this place." _

_"Of course," the imposter said. He raised his sword and suddenly slammed it through Karin's chest. Her eyes widened and she stared down at the sword protruding from her chest in shock. "Go home."_

_Her body slowly fell to the ground while Ichigo yelled out in anger. Her eyes rolled over to the real Ichigo. "Ichi…nii," she said softly, blood welling up at the corner of her mouth and spilling over onto her face. "I'm…sor…ry." And with that, her movements ceased. _

_Suddenly, Ichigo's reiatsu skyrocketed. He jerked up, his sudden burst in reiatsu allowing him to temporarily ignore the broken tendons of his legs, knocking Ulquiorra back a few steps as he rushed Aizen, the bankai form of his zanpaku-to in his hands. Aizen beckoned for the copy his sword had made to come over to him. When it was within arm's reach, he turned it back into a sword, and easily parried Ichigo's downward thrust. Ichigo couldn't see what was happening behind him, but Renji could. Ulquiorra moved forward quickly to help his leader._

_"No," Renji said, moving forward to help his friend. But his legs wouldn't move! He looked down at the ground and realized with horror that his legs were completely rooted to the spot. They wouldn't obey him! They wouldn't move! "No, no, no!" Looking up again, he saw that Ulquiorra was almost upon Ichigo. "Ichigo, watch out!" he cried, hoping to alert his friend._

_Ichigo whirled around just in time for Ulquiorra to stab him through the stomach. He grunted in pain, and then fell to the floor, unable to move. "I believe I told you not to move," Ulquiorra said in distaste, sheathing his sword. "I apologize for that, Lord Aizen."_

_"Don't worry about it, Ulquiorra," Aizen said. "It's finished now." _

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Renji felt the scream torn from his throat even as he jerked awake and sat up. His entire body was covered in a cold sweat and he was panting. He leaned forward, resting his face on his hands. "God, not again," his whispered quietly. That particular nightmare had plagued him annually since the war's end. It was painstakingly, excruciatingly real. And the worst part was that it was all real. Well, Ichigo dying wasn't real; he'd obviously lived to die another day. But Karin had died and Ichigo had been severely wounded with Renji able to do nothing but watch. Aizen had put a binding spell on him, the bastard.

"Renji?" a voice called out from down the hall. "What's going on?" Ichigo hobbled out into the main room, rubbing at his eyes. He didn't sound like he'd been asleep, but he did sound tired. He frowned when he saw Renji's current position. "Renji?" he repeated.

"Ichigo?" Renji asked, raising his head. He must've looked like shit, because Ichigo's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in surprise. "I thought ya went to sleep."

"Can't sleep," Ichigo said, shaking his head. He moved over to the couch and sat down beside Renji, moving cautiously so as not to pull on his still-healing wound. "Too much to think about, and then you started screamin'." He smirked at his friend, but when Renji didn't even meet his eyes, it faded away. "What's wrong?"

"Just…a nightmare," Renji admitted, turning around and sitting next to Ichigo inside of at the other end of the couch. "'Bout the war."

"What happened?" Ichigo asked quietly. He might not be able to remember anything about the war, but he could at least try to help his friend. He owed him that much at the least.

"Ya almost died," Renji said. "And I couldn't do anythin' to help ya." He decided to skip the parts about Karin; after all, Ichigo didn't remember his family any more than he remembered anyone else.

"Oh," Ichigo said. What did one say to something like that? "Did it happen in real life?"

"Yeah," Renji said, leaning back into the cushions and closing his eyes. "That's the worst part. I remember it as clear as day."

"A lot of your nightmares seem to involve me," Ichigo said jokingly. "Can't be good, can it?"

Renji snorted. "As much as you get into trouble, no," he said. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, just comfortable with the other's presence. With Ichigo here, Renji noted, it was easier to not think about the nightmare he'd just had. His presence was…soothing, he supposed. That'd probably sound corny if he said it out loud. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Hey, Ichigo-" he broke off when he saw that the young man had fallen asleep. He smiled. The kid had to be even more tired than he was. Oh well. His question could wait until the morning.

* * *

When Ichigo woke up the next morning, he groaned. He wasn't in a bed, that was for sure. And yet…he was oddly comfortable. He was warm and his pillow was very soft, yet firm. Not wanting to get up just yet, he snuggled deeper into the pillow, burying his face in it. But then his pillow groaned at him. Wait…pillows didn't groan. He opened his eyes and, instead of seeing a black pillow, was greeted with an expanse of dark red fabric. He blinked, and then tilted his head upwards.

Renji was still sleeping beneath him, looking strangely content. Ichigo frowned and raised his head. How did they get in this position? What had happened last night…? Oh, now he remembered. The nightmare. They must've fallen asleep on the couch. He began to move away, but to his surprise, he found a pair of strong arms linked around his waist tightly. That was odd. He scooted over slightly, and pried at Renji's hands, trying to get them apart. But the man wasn't budging an inch.

Finally, Ichigo just sighed and leaned back against the couch – and into Renji's shoulder, he noticed – as he decided to wait until the red-head woke up. He didn't have to wait long. His movements apparently woke up the other to a certain degree, and a few moments later, he opened his eyes. He shifted a few times, stretching out, and then noticed that he wasn't alone. He turned and looked at Ichigo – who was neatly wrapped in his arms, and blushing furiously – and blinked. His eyes slowly ran down from Ichigo's face to his own arms, wrapped around the younger.

"Ichigo?" he asked, confused. "What-?"

"I dunno," Ichigo muttered, interrupting the red-head's question. "I guess we fell asleep on the couch last night and just ended up like this."

"Oh," Renji said intelligently.

They sat like that for another moment or so until Ichigo looked up at him and asked, "Um, are you movin' anytime soon?" His blush shot up a few more notches in intensity. As he spoke, he gestured to Renji's arms – which were still firmly wrapped around his slim waist.

"Shit, sorry," Renji muttered, blushing himself. He moved away so quickly it was as if he'd been shocked from being in contact with Ichigo's very skin. "Didn't mean to do that."

"Yeah, I know," Ichigo murmured softly. "Forget about it. It was just an accident."

"Yeah, okay," Renji said, standing up. He stretched up, groaning as several of the bones in his back popped noisily. "Dang, sleepin' sittin' up ain't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world, is it?" He moved over into the kitchen, rubbing the back of his noise. "So why'd ya come in here last night anyways?" He moved over to the sink and got himself a glass of water.

"Couldn't sleep," Ichigo answered softly. "I just…no, never mind, it's not important."

"No, tell me," Renji insisted, turning around to walk back over to the couch with his glass. He sat down on the arm opposite Ichigo and leaned back.

"I dunno," Ichigo said quietly. "I just…I just have this feelin'…that there's somethin' I'm not gettin'. But I have no idea what it is."

"Well…" Renji said, taking a drink. "Do ya have any inclinations or anything?"

Ichigo paused for a moment. "Renji," he said finally, after several minutes of silence, "did I have a family? No, that's a stupid question – everyone has a family. I guess…what I meant…was…is my family still alive?"

This was the one question that Renji had known was going to come up at some point in time. He also knew it was going to be one of the hardest ones to answer, especially with Karin. But it was also one that needed to be answered. "Well, yes and no," he said quietly.

"Yes _and _no?" Ichigo asked, frowning. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Well, some of 'em are dead, and others are alive," Renji clarified. Ichigo just stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate some. So he continued on. "Your dad's still alive, and one of your younger sisters, Yuzu."

"What about my mother?" Ichigo asked.

"She died when ya were young," Renji said softly. He had to step carefully here, or else Ichigo might go off into one of his sullen mood periods. And God knew he didn't need that right now. "And…well, ya had one other sister, Ichigo."

"What happened to her?" Ichigo asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"She…she was killed in the war," Renji muttered, looking away. "By Aizen." He decided to spare Ichigo the details. He wasn't ready for that.

"He killed my sister?" Ichigo asked, scowling. "Bastard."

"He's already dead, Ichigo," Renji said. "You avenged her. There's no reason to worry 'bout it now anyways."

"How the hell am I not supposed-"

He was interrupted when the living door suddenly swung open. Renji rolled his eyes. Did no one here know how to knock on a door?? There _were _laws against breaking and entering, for heaven's sake! Now he knew how Ichigo must've felt whenever they'd come knocking at his window at night around five years ago. He waited, scowling lightly, for the intruder to come through the door, but when they finally did, he definitely wasn't expecting who it was.

"Ichi-nii?" a quiet, frantic voice asked. "Are you here?"

* * *

Ahh, I feel so bad for what I did to Karin XX!! But, if you haven't guessed by now...she's not like gone forever or anything, lol. And I hope that what I made Aizen's zanpaku-to did was realistic...he did say that it's limits were his own imagination. And obviously, for it to be effective in any battle, the illusions would have to be able to move...so I think I'm okay there. If not...well, it _is _fanfiction. And some people wanted to know a little about Renji and Ichigo's past, so I'm trying to incorporate that in the story.

Also, like last time, if you have a request or you think something should be added in, just tell me!! I'm more than willing to add in scenes like that, as long as they fit in with the plotline in some way, shape or form!!

Tell me how I did? Pwease?


	9. Intruder Alert!

Hey guys...here's the next chapter. I have no idea when the next one will be out, considering the fact that I'm sick as a dog with something that I have no doubts is turning into pneumonia X-X. I'm trying to sleep a lot and get it out of my system, but I can't make any guarantees. When you have to wear jackets, sneakers and long pants in September...you know you're sick, lol.

Anyways, thanks again for all the reviews!! I may not be able to respond like I normally do cause my e-mail's doing this weird thing where all my e-mails from fanfiction show up in my inbox a day late...I have no clue what's going on, but I'm trying to work it out, lol.

* * *

Ichigo looked up to see a girl standing in the doorway. She looked to be in her mid-teenage years, with slightly longer than shoulder length black hair and large dark eyes. She was wearing a set of robes that looked similar to the ones the Soul Reapers wore, only they were white with red markings. She even had one of those zanpaku-to things strapped at her waist. "Ichi-nii," she said again when she saw him, rushing over to hug him.

His first reaction would have been to tense up or shrug her off. But that didn't seem like the right response, for some reason. So instead, he loosely put his arms around her. He frowned when the contact brought a headache upon him; it wasn't the intense, aching pain that had accompanied him when his memories of Chad and Renji had returned. There were no mental images playing in his mind. But he could remember a few things about this person.

The girl pulled away and then glared at Renji. "What have you been doing to him?" she demanded crossly. "He looks like he hasn't slept in ages! And why is he all bandaged up? You're supposed to be taking care of him!" She put her hands on her hips angrily as she glared at him; it was the same glare Ichigo always shot him.

"It wasn't my fault," Renji protested. "His Hollow did that to him! I'm tryin' the best I can here!"

"Well, obviously, that isn't good enough!" the girl snorted, moving her arms to cross over her chest. She turned back to Ichigo and sat down on the couch beside him. "Sorry I didn't come see you earlier, Ichi-nii," she said. "But the stupid idiots at the Academy wouldn't let me take off from classes to come see you. Some shit about how they couldn't make exceptions, even for me." She rolled her eyes.

"Academy?" Ichigo asked, confused. "What Academy?"

"There's an Academy for people to go to in order to be trained to be Soul Reapers," the girl explained. "I go there now, third year, one of the best in my class." She smiled proudly. "But you wouldn't remember that, would you?"

"How much do ya know?" Renji asked.

"Orihime came and visited me after the headmaster told me he'd been found," she jerked her head at Ichigo to acknowledge him. "She explained things to me, and who he remembered." She smirked. "Though I can only guess why he remembered you." Renji flushed, and she turned back to Ichigo. "So, do you remember me, Ichi-nii?"

Ichigo blinked. "You're my sister, aren't you?" he asked. "The one that died in that war?" She nodded. "I…you used to play sports, didn't you? It was…soccer, I think. And…you always…reminded people of…me. But I can't remember your name."

The girl shrugged. "Well, that's better than nothing," she admitted. "It's Karin." She smiled slightly. "And yeah, I played soccer back when I was alive. Best damn girl to ever play on the middle school team. And I do NOT remind people of you. I'm much nicer than you are, Ichi-nii." Renji snorted, and she shot him a glare. "Don't listen to whatever Pineapple here tells you." Renji squawked indignantly at the resurrection of his old nickname.

"Pineapple?" Ichigo asked, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "You mean Renji?"

"Course," Karin said, ignoring the frantic, silent plea Renji sent her. "You used to call him that all the time since he called you Strawberry."

"You didn't tell me that, Renji," Ichigo said sternly. "Or should I say Pineapple?"

Renji growled at him. "I'm not a freakin' pineapple, bastard!" he hissed. "Shut up!"

"Oh, please, like you'd do anything to him," Karin said, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Ichigo, once again effectively shunning Renji from the conversation. "Anyways, Ichi-nii, I just came to see you. Make sure you're doing alright and everything."

"I'm okay," Ichigo said, actually smiling softly. "And what about you? I guess you're gonna be a Soul Reaper then?" Renji watched as Karin went into an animated answer to her brother's question. She gave him all the details – who she was friends with, all about her zanpaku-to (whose name she'd just recently learned), how good she was at kido, and how all the boys were scared shitless of her. He couldn't help but smile as he watched Ichigo's reactions.

He could tell that Ichigo didn't remember everything about Karin. But he did remember bits and pieces, and that was good. He had a soft smile on his face, and a warm gleam in his eyes that had to be affection. She had his entire attention; nothing could have distracted him now. Renji couldn't help but grin a little when he saw it. It was just so…nice, he guessed, was a rather tame term for the emotions he felt running through his system. It was good to see Ichigo being so normal again. He'd missed this Ichigo.

Sure, Ichigo hadn't really changed even when he lost his memories. But he wasn't the cocky, self-assured man he'd used to be. He was more cautious, quieter, and more inquisitive than ever before. He always wore a frown on his face, it seemed, or a scowl or glare. Renji didn't like it; hell, he even missed the cocky grins Ichigo had given him whenever they'd sparred. Anything was better than the tortured frowns or painful grimaces. He wanted to make Ichigo smile again. He wanted to make him feel like himself again, to help him regain his memories. But he wasn't sure how to go about things. It was like trying to help a blind person when you were visually impaired yourself.

"Hello, earth to Pineapple!" Ichigo said loudly, staring at Renji.

Renji jerked when he heard the nickname called and looked up. Ichigo was staring at him, a slight frown on his face. Karin was smiling at him knowingly. "What?" he asked gruffly.

"What're you starin' at?" Ichigo asked.

"Nothin'," Renji said, sighing.

Ichigo looked as if he wanted to argue the point further, but Karin interrupted that when she stood up and sighed. "Well, I'd better get back to the Academy," she said. "I still have some exercises I need to complete before classes begin again tomorrow." She gave Ichigo one last hug. "It was good to see you though, Ichi-nii. I'll come back again soon, I promise." She nodded once to Renji before heading towards the door, closing it behind her.

As soon as she was gone, Ichigo turned to look at Renji. "Was there a reason you were grinnin' at me like an idiot?" he demanded crossly.

"What?" Renji asked, frowning.

"You were starin' at me like I was some form of entertainment or somethin'!" Ichigo said, standing up and moving closer to Renji.

"What?" Renji asked again, confused now.

"Don't you dare make fun of me," Ichigo threatened. He was now standing right in front of Renji, who was still seated on the arm of the couch. Were Ichigo to push him, he'd fall onto the cushions with a plop.

"Ichigo, I wasn't makin' fun of ya," Renji said quietly.

"You weren't?"

"No," Renji said, shaking his head ever so slightly. "Why would I do that?"

"Because it seems like somethin' you'd do," Ichigo admitted. "And I don't like it."

"Why?" Renji asked. "Touch a nerve?"

"It…it hurts sometimes," Ichigo said softly, looking down and flushing slightly. "You keep makin' all these smart-ass jokes about things I don't even fuckin' remember. How would you feel if someone made jokes about somethin' you didn't even remember doin'?"

"I…" Renji trailed off, not quite knowing what to say to that.

"It's because you never think about anything before you say it!" Ichigo said angrily. "Have you ever heard the saying 'look before you leap'? God, Renji…I don't even know what to say." He cut off, looking down. After a moment or two, he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I even said anything. Just…forget it, okay?" He made as if to walk away, clearly looking as if he wanted to say more but was reluctant to say it.

Renji wasn't having that. He grabbed Ichigo by the front of his shirt before he could retreat any farther so that he wouldn't go away. But the motion set him off-balance. With a curse, he fell backwards onto the couch, his hold on Ichigo's shirt tightening. He ended up pulling Ichigo over the end of the couch with him, making the younger man end up on top of him.

"Renji, what the fuck?" Ichigo demanded, pushing against Renji's chest to get up. But once again, Renji stopped his movements. He grabbed the younger man's wrists and pinned them with his own hands. Ichigo looked up at him, a bewildered expression on his face. "Renji, what-?"

"You ain't movin' until ya say what you were gonna say," Renji interjected. "And don't gimme any of that bullshit you would normally say. Don't hold back – say exactly what you fuckin' mean. I can take it."

"It's just…I dunno," Ichigo said, looking down at Renji's shirt in favor of looking him in the eyes. "I don't like it when you make fun of me. The teasing I can take. But I mean…you didn't even tell me about the Pineapple thing. I didn't even have a clue about why you were callin' me Strawberry, other than because of my name. I didn't know the other half of the fuckin' story."

Renji felt himself cringe; he'd never even thought of that before. Truth being told…he hadn't considered Ichigo's feelings when he'd immediately started acting as if Ichigo was the same as he'd always been. He'd been so concerned with treating Ichigo the same as always that he hadn't even remembered that Ichigo didn't remember much.

"Ichigo," he said quietly, "look at me." Ichigo slowly looked up at him, his brown eyes guarded. They stared at each other for a moment. "I'm sorry," Renji said softly.

Ichigo blinked at him. "Your eyes really are red," he said absently.

Renji rolled his eyes. "Geez, way to totally make me feel like an ass," he huffed.

"Well, you should," Ichigo said, staring down at him.

"I really am sorry, though," Renji persisted, frowning up at him. "Ya don't have to accept it, but it's still-"

"I accept it," Ichigo said quickly.

"What?" Renji asked, startled.

"I – accept – it," Ichigo said, enunciating each word with careful precision. "Do you need me to fuckin' spell it out for you?" Renji glared up at him and he smirked. "Now, would you mind lettin' me go? This position's kinda awkward, in case you haven't noticed."

Renji looked down at his hands, which were currently grasping Ichigo's wrists. It was only then that he noticed that their bodies were flush against each other, with almost no space in between them. He hadn't noticed before, but Ichigo was still a substantial bit shorter than him. The top of his head only came up to about Renji's mouth. It was also quite a…well, sensual position. "What if I like this position?" he blurted out suddenly.

Ichigo frowned at him. "W-what?" he asked, his voice catching in his throat.

Renji didn't answer. He was too busy admiring the startled, vulnerable expression on Ichigo's face. It was amazing how much difference one little expression could make in a person. Without his scowl, Ichigo was actually very innocent-looking…wide-set brown eyes, full lips, sharp cheekbones –

"Hello??" Ichigo demanded, staring down at him. "What do you mean you like this position?"

Renji opened his mouth to answer when the door suddenly burst open for the second time that morning. Both heads jerked towards the door at the same time, their lips accidently brushing in the process. Of course, that set off the movement. Ichigo scrambled away, falling off Renji and onto the floor, blushing furiously. Renji simultaneously backed away into the corner of the couch, pulling his arms away from the soft skin of Ichigo's wrists immediately.

"Am I interrupting something here?" an amused voice asked from the doorway. It was Momo – accompanied by Hitsugaya – with a stack of papers in her arms and a grin on her face. "I can come back later if you want."

"Shut up, Momo," Renji growled, standing up and walking over to her, despite the fact that he was blushing furiously.

"Don't tell Momo to shut up," Hitsugaya threatened. "She didn't do anything to you."

"Oh, it's fine, Shiro," Momo said, smiling genuinely. "He doesn't mean it that way." She handed Renji the stack of papers. "I was just bringing over your paperwork from the past few days, Renji. You've really let it add up, you know." Her tone was slightly disapproving.

"Yeah, yeah," Renji said, accepting the papers and putting them on a table that stood by the door. "What're you two up to anyways?"

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Momo asked, surprised. "Apparently, there's been some commotion down at the Senkaimon. Something about a man trying to get in to the Seireitei." She dropped her voice a little bit. "He's asking for Ichigo."

"What?!" Renji demanded loudly. "Why? Who is it?"

"I don't know his name," Momo said, turning to glare impudently at Hitsugaya. "Shiro won't tell me."

"For the last time, Momo, don't call me that!" Hitsugaya said angrily. "I'm a Captain!"

"Oh, you Captains are all so uptight," Momo said, rolling her eyes. "Anyways, apparently Head Captain Yamamoto is going to meet with him! So everyone's going down there to see what's going on!"

"Hitsugaya, who is it?" Renji asked the other Captain. Surely if one Captain was allowed to know, another was privy to the information.

Hitsugaya turned to look at Renji, his arms crossed over his chest. "One named Shinji Hirako," he said quietly. "He's one of them." He put special emphasis on the last word, to make sure that Renji caught what he was saying. The both of them turned to look at Ichigo, who was staring up at them from the floor, completely lost. "You should probably come along, Renji, and bring him too."

"Why would you tell him and not me?" Momo demanded as Hitsugaya turned away and began walking down the street. "I'm your oldest friend!"

"Classified information for Captains only," Hitsugaya said easily. Momo huffed indignantly and then excused herself before going to catch up with her friend. Renji turned and shut the door behind him. This was interesting; he hadn't thought that the Vaizards would go so far as to contact Soul Society, especially when they'd been banished over one hundred years ago. They must really want to see Ichigo.

"C'mon," Renji said, moving into the bedroom to pull on a shihakusho and his Captain's haori. "We need to get movin'."

"Where are we going?" Ichigo asked, putting on his sandals.

"To the Senkaimon, the gate between the realms," Renji answered, striding back out into the room. He strapped his zanpaku-to on and smoothed his hair once. "You ready?" Ichigo nodded and he opened the door. "Then come on. This is gonna be one helluva a meeting."

* * *

It might be a little OOC...sorry!! I can only claim that the fever warped my brain. Anyways, like I said earlier, I have no idea when the next one will be out. I'm trying as best as I can.

Wanna drop a review? It would make this poor sick writer feel special, tehe.


	10. Emotions Laid Bare

Well, first things first...I really have to thank everyone who reviewed and left me get well wishes. I really appreciate it!! And apparently it worked, lol, because I went to the doctor the next day and got all nicely drugged up - no, just penicillin, lol, none of the good stuff XD. I'm still on the meds and still making up make-up assignments and stuff and I have about a million tests to take, but I figured I might as well upload something.

As always, thanks for all the lovely reviews!!

_Anything in italics is Ichigo talking to his Hollow. _

**Anything in bold is Shirosaki/Hichigo/whatever else you wanna call Ichigo's Hollow speaking**.

* * *

Ichigo followed Renji out the door, still confused as to what exactly was going on. Instead of using shunpo to get to the gate, they merely walked there, albeit at a hasty, clipped pace. Ichigo noticed that people tended to get out of their way as soon as they saw the two of them coming. He wasn't sure if that was because of him, or because Renji was a Captain. He didn't really care, to be honest.

"The gate's close," Renji muttered to him as they turned round another corner. "Stay close to me."

"Why?" Ichigo asked, looking over at the red-head curiously.

"I don't want them to do anything to ya," Renji said gruffly. "You're the reason they're here, after all. These people're dangerous, Ichigo."

"Why?" Ichigo asked again.

"Because they're not human," Renji said darkly. "They're not Soul Reapers, but they're not Hollows, either. They ain't good or evil; they're both."

"Then why do they want to talk to me?" Ichigo asked, blinking. He looked ahead. There was a large structure intersecting the large wall that surrounded the Seireitei. It looked like a gate. There was a small group of people surrounding the area, with a much larger crowd standing back near the buildings to watch from the shadows.

"Because you're one of them," Renji answered quietly.

Ichigo stopped in his tracks and looked up at the other man. "What?" he asked, his voice cracking in the middle of the word.

Renji stopped and half-turned to look at him. "You're not a true Soul Reaper, Ichigo," he said solemnly. "You're a Vaizard, one of the masked soldiers. You're part Hollow and part Soul Reaper."

"What the hell are you on?" Ichigo demanded, scowling at him. "That isn't possible!"

"We didn't think so either," Renji said, grimacing. It was those words that silenced any further attempts Ichigo had at protesting. What did you say to something like that? What _could _you say? His brain wasn't coming up with anything. He slowly walked over to where Renji stood and they continued on to meet with the group.

The old man Ichigo remembered from the Captain's meeting was standing directly opposite the gate, where a group of people dressed in normal clothes was standing. Ichigo noticed that the crowd surrounding the intruders was mainly comprised of Captains and a few other brave souls.

"Well, old man, 's been a while," one man said, stepping forward. He had a very wide grin on his face and blonde hair that looked as though it had been chopped off very roughly. He looked around a little and then returned his attention to the Head Captain. "Been what…hundred an' five years now?"

"Shinji Hirako, ex-Captain of fifth company," the old man intoned coldly. "What are you doing here?"

"Eh??" the man named Shinji asked, tilting his head to the side a bit and scratching at his nose. "No welcome?" He shrugged. "Well, can't say I was expectin' one."

"The Head Captain asked you a question," a short, dark-haired woman snapped. She had her arms crossed over her chest and didn't look too happy with the intruders. "I suggest you answer it."

Shinji turned to look at her. "I remember you," he said, smirking. "You're Yoruichi's little pet, ain't cha?" The woman bristled angrily. "Guess you're the Captain of second now, eh?" He turned back to the Head Captain. "Ya should know why I'm here, Yama." His gray eyes were serious, however mocking his tone of voice was. "Where's Ichigo?"

Ichigo felt a chill run down his spine when he heard the other man say his name. He recognized the man's face, his voice, even his name. But his memories weren't coming back. He could feel Renji tense up beside him as well, though he wasn't sure why the other man was doing that. Was he worried about him or something?

"What do you need him for?" the Head Captain asked.

"Well, he can't jus' go 'round without knowin' 'bout his Hollow," Shinji said. "'Re ya nuts?" He sighed. "We came ta explain a few things ta him, but if ya ain't gonna give 'im up, I'm afraid we'll hafta go searchin'."

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked suddenly, stepping forward so that the man could see him. "What Hollow?"

"Ichigo!" Renji hissed from behind him. "What the hell are ya doin'?" He grabbed for Ichigo's arm, but Ichigo shook him off irritably. This was something that he had to know.

"Oi, Ichigo," Shinji said, smiling broadly. "Heard 'bout your…predicament. Remember me?" He winked conspiratorially. Ichigo just stared at him, waiting for the answers to his questions. "Ah, guess not," Shinji said, frowning slightly. "What 'bout Shirosaki then? Remember 'im?"

"Shirosaki?" Ichigo asked, his frown deepening. "Who's that?"

**Me, idiot, **a voice whispered in his ear. **Yer Hollow.** Ichigo's eyes widened when he heard the voice; it wasn't external, he could tell that. It had a strange stereo quality to it, as if it was being processed through a filter of some kind. **Ya remember me, Ichi? Or doncha?**

"Ya gained a Hollow when ya were retrievin' your Soul Reaper powers," Shinji explained. "Dunno how ya did it, but ya got 'im. We're the same." He acknowledged the rest of the people behind him. "Vaizards. We trained ya, told ya how ta suppress the Hollow inside into submission. Probably pesterin' ya right now, eh?"

_Is that true? _Ichigo thought, directing the thought towards his mind. He hoped that the Hollow – Shirosaki? – would hear him.

There was a chuckle. **Of course I can hear ya, King,** the voice said arrogantly. **We share the same head, ya know. Yer still the King fer the moment, but ya ain't 'xactly strong right now. Ya don't watch yerself, an' I might make **_**you **_**the horse, an' have me be the King. Gotta get yer power back fast, Ichigo.**

"Your banishment is still in effect from a century ago," Yamamoto reminded Shinji stiffly, bringing him out of his thoughts and back to the present situation. "Why are you here?"

"Didja want Ichigo ta go mad if he'd lost control o' his Hollow?" Shinji asked nonchalantly. "None of ya can fight him on an equal footin'. We," he said, motioning to his fellow Vaizards, "can. Kid never did show much aptitude for Hollow powers. Still got that advantage over 'im." He sighed and put a hand lazily on his hip. "Basically, we're here ta make sure he don't lose control."

"And how long do you intend upon staying?" the Head Captain asked quietly.

"'Til he gets his memories back," was the easy answer. "Ain't safe 'til then."

"You can't just barge in here without permission from the Head Captain!" the same dark-haired woman who'd spoken up earlier protested. "It's against the law!"

Shinji looked over at her, irritated. "Ya ain't really in a position to be makin' accusations," he pointed out. "Besides, ya can't control Ichigo's Hollow. We can."

"Head Captain Yamamoto, you aren't really considering allowing this, are you?" the woman demanded of the old man. He remained silent, staring over at the Vizards. "We cannot go back upon a banishment that has been in place for over a hundred years! It's completely ridiculous!"

"Then I suppose it is your life on the line if Kurosaki were to lose control of his Hollow?" Yamamoto asked, fixing her with a silencing glare. The woman closed her mouth and dropped the accusing finger she'd pointed at the Vaizards. "Do not be so rash in your judgment, Soi Fon."

"Yes, sir," the woman said, stepping back and flushing.

The Head Captain looked up at the small group waiting patiently in front of the huge gate. "Shinjo Hirako, ex-Captain of fifth company. Kensei Mugurumo, ex-Captain of ninth company. Love Aikawa, ex-Captain of seventh company. Rose Otoribashi, ex-Captain of third company. You four had the highest ranking before your banishment was put into effect. As such, it is in your hands that I am placing control of this entire situation. You may stay in the Soul Society until Kurosaki regains his memories, and then you are to leave again."

A look of triumph entered Shinji's face, but apparently the Head Captain wasn't finished yet. "Still, if you are to attempt any sort of violence whatsoever, you will be removed from the Soul Society at once. You will be allowed to offer Kurosaki any assistance he needs in suppressing his Hollow but will not interfere with his wishes either to become a Soul Reaper or to abstain. But first, I would speak with you alone." He turned around and instantly used shunpo to leave the immediate area.

Shinji nodded to his group and they set off at once, all using their own shunpo to flee off in the direction of the Head Captain's office. The remaining crowd slowly dissipated, everyone going their separate ways. Ichigo wasn't quite about what to do when Renji grabbed his arm and suddenly shunpo-ed off. "Wha-?" Ichigo got out before the wind cut him off. Afraid of falling off, he clutched Renji's arm and clung to him for dear life.

When Renji let him go, they were back at his house. He pulled Ichigo inside and shut the door behind him, locking it this time. Ichigo looked at him, utterly bewildered, as the man gave him the most furious look Ichigo had ever seen. "What the hell were you doin'?" the red-head demanded, tearing off his haori and throwing it on the ground.

"What?" Ichigo asked, blinking. Suddenly, Renji grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him against a wall, making his head crash painfully into the hard surface. "Ow! Renji, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Do ya have any idea how much danger you were in?" Renji demanded, shoving his face close enough to Ichigo's that the younger man could feel the anger radiating from his eyes. "How stupid are you?!"

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked, trying to get Renji to release him. This really wasn't a comfortable position.

"The Vaizard are a group of criminals, Ichigo," Renji said hotly. "They were banned from the Seireitei, fuckin' _banned. _We had no idea what they came here for, an' you just walk out there and fuckin' ask 'em what the hell they're talkin' about! Are you fuckin' insane?"

"Did you think they were gonna kidnap me or something?" Ichigo asked, finally giving up on removing Renji's hands from his shirt. The red-head's grip was just too tight.

"How the hell was I supposed to know what they were fuckin' gonna do?!" Renji demanded. "But what if they had, Ichigo? What then? Do ya have any idea how upset that woulda made us?"

Ichigo stared back at his friend, not knowing what to say. Even though Renji had said "us" it sounded as though he meant "me". But why would he…? Oh. It was all so clear to him now. Who had been the one the most worried about him ever since he'd been found? Renji. Who had been the one always sneaking glances at him whenever he thought Ichigo wasn't looking? Renji. And who was the one most concerned over every little detail of what he did? Renji.

"You love me," Ichigo said quietly, still not quite believing the words even as they left his mouth.

Renji's eyes widened and his grip on Ichigo grew slack. "What?" he asked quietly.

"It's the only possible explanation," Ichigo said, talking more to himself than to Renji. "You're always so worried and freakin' overprotective of me. And you always make those stupid perverted comments. And you keep blushin' around me. It's because you love me." He looked up at Renji, a blank look on his face.

"Ichigo-" Renji began, but Ichigo cut him off.

"Wait, just lemme think a bit," he said, breaking away and going over to lie down on the couch. He stared up at the ceiling, tuning everything around him out. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Why else would Renji say that he had liked the position they'd been in just a short while ago? Why else would he blush whenever he'd be accused of being gay, or being even remotely more than friends with Ichigo? Why else would he have nightmares of Ichigo dying? Why else would he look at him the way he did – as if he never wanted to stop?

"Ichigo," Renji said again, his voice quietly shaking. He slowly started to move towards Ichigo, cautiously. "Look, I'm-"

"Don't you dare say sorry," Ichigo said, suddenly half-sitting up to glare at him. Renji stopped, taken aback. "Will you just sit down for a minute?" Renji plopped down at the end of the couch. "I wanna ask you a question or two."

"Okay," Renji said, quietly relenting.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Ichigo asked quietly, moving to sit all the way up.

Renji stared at him for a moment, his cheeks heating up, and then moved his eyes down towards the couch. "Yeah," he said, the word so soft that Ichigo could barely hear it.

"Then why didn't you say anything about it before?" Ichigo demanded. "Did you think I would hate you?"

"Hell, I don't know," Renji replied. "What would you do if someone just randomly told ya they loved ya?" His eyes narrowed. "You'd probably want nothin' to do with 'em."

Ichigo reached forward and grabbed Renji by the front of his shihakusho. "I wouldn't have abandoned you," he said fiercely. "Idiot." He let go and stood up, walking towards the bedroom.

"Where are you goin'?" Renji asked, turning around to follow his movements.

"To think," Ichigo said, just as he walked out of Renji's range of vision and into the bedroom. The door shut a moment later. Renji slapped a hand to his head and groaned, falling back into the couch cushions. Man, he'd really screwed this one up. How was he ever going to face Ichigo now? The kid probably thought he was some pathetic loser.

And wasn't he? He'd never felt this strongly for anyone before. Not even Rukia, and he loved her like a sister. He hadn't realized what it was that he'd felt for Ichigo for a long time. At first, he thought it was a brother-like thing, a camaraderie that had developed from fighting alongside each other for a while. But when he'd seen Ichigo nearly killed so many times, he knew that it wasn't that. It was so much more than that.

At first, he'd shrugged it off as a passing thing. He was just concerned, worried, didn't want the kid to die. But when he found himself starting to have fantasies about the other, he knew it wasn't just a phase. He'd never liked a man like that before, and he still didn't really consider himself gay. But that didn't stop the fact that he was attracted to Ichigo, intensely.

He wanted to be with Ichigo, in that way. He wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to touch him. He wanted to…he wanted everything. But he also knew that Ichigo had grown up in a world much different than Renji's world. Things were different in Soul Society. Biases weren't placed on people because of their sexuality here; in the world of the living, things were more complex. Here, the issue wasn't gender. It was love. There, the issue _was _gender. He didn't know what Ichigo felt in that respect. They hadn't exactly done much talking in that regard.

He didn't want Ichigo to reject him, so he'd stayed away, acting as if nothing had changed between them. But when you had sweat-inducing, erotic dreams about someone at night, you couldn't help but act different around them. That was one reason why they bickered so much, he suspected. He'd tried to take his mind off Ichigo's appearance and bring it back to Ichigo's personality, which was so much like his own.

But then he'd found himself attracted to the personality too. The determination, strength of will, hell, even the cocky arrogantness of the guy's behavior…it was all so much more enticing now than it had ever been before. It wasn't just Ichigo's body that attracted him; it was his personality. It had been when he'd realized that fact that he'd discovered he truly was in love with Ichigo, not just lusting after him.

And now his secret had been discovered. He tried telling himself that it wasn't that bad, that Ichigo hadn't rejected him - he just wanted to think things over. But telling himself that and trying to actually make himself believe it were two completely different things. He knew that the chances of Ichigo actually liking him back that way were slim. It had been an unrequited thing from the start, he knew that. But that couldn't change the way he felt now. He just had to accept the facts -

He was hopelessly in love with Ichigo Kurosaki.

And now Ichigo knew that.

* * *

-cringes- Oh, so sappy!! I thought about changing up the last bit just because I wasn't sure whether or not it was just too over-the-top. But...I couldn't think of any way to put those same points into different words, lol. So now it's really sappy. Ugh, I'm such a sap, it's ridiculous, lol. Really truly is. I can watch things like Saw - people getting ripped to bits and doing absolutely DISGUSTING things that make you nauseous - and just blink, but sit me down in front of P.S. I Love You with a tub of ice cream and I'm a quivering glob of jelly. Makes NO sense, eh?

Anyways, thanks again for the all the reviews!! I appreciate them all a lot!! And if you read this story and don't review (which is totally fine, lol, I'm not trying to be mean) because of whatever reason, don't be afraid - I don't bite...most of the time XD!! I take everything pretty well - unless you're just flaming for the point of flaming, or expressing your distaste at yaoi. If you don't like yaoi...why the heck did you decide to read this, lol? Anyways, ramble over. Thanks for reading!!

Also...tehe, long author note, I was going through the songs on my iPod the other day and found the absolute PERFECT song (in my opinion, lol) for this entire story. I don't know why I didn't think of this before...though it IS the absolute last song on my iPod, lol. Anyways, it's "The Story" by 30 Seconds to Mars. I highly recommend you go listen to it if you haven't already heard it. It's like...this story in song format, seriously, it fits soooooo well.


	11. Revelations

Well, howdy folks!! Corny, I know, lol, but we were discussing cowboys today in AP History and I just couldn't resist, tehe. Anyways, this is a long chapter!! I had intended to upload these as seperate parts, but they kind of go together, so I just was like, eh, whatever. Might as well upload it all as one chapter.

Also...as of this chapter, the rating is going up to M. Most - if not all, lol - of you know that what that means!! So if you don't like reading sex scenes, then just skip the part that's in italics. That way you won't have to cover your eyes. I've been writing more and more of this later so that I can go ahead and start working towards a conclusion, but I'm still not sure exactly where this is going to end. We'll just have to see!!

Thanks again for all the reviews!! You guys make me feel so loved!!

* * *

To say that Ichigo was confused would be a vast understatement. He wasn't angry, or upset, or even disgusted with Renji, as perhaps he should've been. He was a little angry at himself for not having seen it sooner – especially when it was so blatantly obvious in hindsight – but he'd always been pretty oblivious to that kind of thing. But to be honest, he wasn't sure where to go from here.

The obvious step was to analyze his own feelings for the red-head, and to see what he found out. Did he love Renji? He honestly had no idea. Sure, they were close, and sure, Renji was really all that he had left right now. He'd never really thought about liking Renji that way before. It was nice to know that someone was worried about you, wanted you to feel comfortable…but he just didn't know how he felt about the entire thing.

The events of this afternoon inevitably flooded back into his memory. When they had landed in that somewhat compromising position on the couch, he'd known that it was a pure accident. But Renji keeping him there had most definitely NOT been an accident. And then…when they'd turned around…their lips had touched. He could try and tell himself that it wasn't a kiss, but he knew that wasn't true. It had been a kiss, though accidental, and that was that.

He didn't know what this would do to their relationship. Obviously, he knew that Renji felt something for him that went far beyond friendship. Ichigo didn't know how far his own feelings went. But he had to find out, and find out soon. It wouldn't be fair to Renji otherwise. He had to give some kind of response to the other's feelings.

At this point, Renji was completely vulnerable to whatever Ichigo decided to do. He could reject the red-head and probably ruin their friendship, pretend it never happened, or…or, he could go along with it. But what then? What if he discovered that he truly didn't like Renji that way, but only after he'd started an intimate relationship with him? That wouldn't be easy to get out of, especially if they tried to keep their friendship intact.

He groaned and put his hands over his eyes. No matter what way he looked at it, it seemed as if he couldn't have both a relationship and friendship with the man. But did he want both? He honestly didn't know. This was just another thing that he really didn't need right now. Sure, he wanted to find love and he didn't mind being loved. But trying to figure out his feelings while trying to remember his memories was a bit much. Perhaps just ignoring it for now would be the best way to go about things.

It wouldn't be easy for either of them, he knew that much. Renji would no doubt feel awkward around him because Ichigo knew his secret now. And Ichigo couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't feel awkward just _knowing. _But he didn't want to make the wrong decision. That was one thing that he absolutely could not do. It would be catastrophic, and he didn't want to deal with that right now.

With a sigh, he pushed himself up off the bed and walked slowly to the door. He hesitated a moment before opening it firmly and then walking purposefully out into the main room. He was surprised when Renji wasn't here. He frowned, looking around. There was no sign of the red-head. He moved back to the bathroom, but it was empty as well. Where was the moron?

Moving into the kitchen, a small, folded piece of paper caught his eye. Frowning, he walked over and picked it up. On the outside, his name was written in Renji's scrawling handwriting. He opened the note and began to read.

_Ichigo,_ it said.  
_Sorry I'm not there, but I had to go. There was an emergency Captain's meeting at the first company's barracks. I don't know what it's about so I have no idea how long I'll be gone. I would've said I was leaving, but Shuhei said there really wasn't any time. Besides…kinda thought you might wanna be alone right now. I should be back by nightfall._

_Renji_

Ichigo closed the note and tossed it onto the counter. Well, there went his plans for the afternoon. What was he going to do now? He didn't want to spend it locked up in a house all by himself. Honestly, Renji's house offered no sources of entertainment whatsoever. It was annoying.

He sighed and walked over to the couch, plopping down and stretching out. There was one thing he could do…he just hoped that it wouldn't get him all wounded like last time. He closed his eyes and concentrated on completely relaxing his entire body. He wasn't sure exactly how he had done this the first time, but he figured it was worth trying to figure out.

Cautiously, he opened his eyes. Relieved, he saw that he was back in the strange place with the glass towers. His doppelganger was nowhere to be found, however. That was a first. He looked around. What was this place? He'd never been anywhere like this before. It was then that he noticed that the buildings were all turned sideways…but he wasn't falling down into thin air. "Huh," he mused, walking out a little bit. He looked up, but all he saw were slightly gray clouds.

"You've returned," a deep voice said from behind him.

Ichigo whirled around to see the same old man from before standing on the top of a pole that jutted out of the side of the building. "You," he breathed quietly. "So you live here too?"

"Of course," the man said. "This is your inner world, Ichigo. Your inner being, if you will, the core of your soul. Since I am your main power source, it makes sense that I would reside here. After all, I do not have a physical body in the real sense of the word."

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked. "Source of my power?"

"You are a Soul Reaper, Ichigo," the man continued. "As such, you have a zanpaku-to. I do not know how much Renji told you about the powers of Soul Reapers, but each zanpaku-to has a spirit that resides inside it. I am that spirit in your zanpaku-to."

"Really?" Ichigo asked. "What's your name?"

"That is up to you to remember or forget," the man said cryptically. "But you learned my name once. You can do it again."

"Can't you just tell me?" Ichigo asked irritably.

"That would be cheating," the man pointed out.

"Who said this was a game?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"It's not a game, per say," the man said quietly. "It's a race."

"A race?"

"Yes," the man said, nodding. "I do not know how much the fourth divison has been able to ascertain about your mental state, Ichigo, but I can tell you what they cannot. I reside inside you, thus I know more about you than perhaps anyone else. The process that Urahara used to attempt to maintain your memories during your change between forms obviously did not work. Because it did not work, it has started a counterreaction against you."

"Counterreaction?" Ichigo asked, confused.

The man's eyes flashed. "Like I said before, it is now a race," he said. "If you are not able to regain your memories by the end of the month, you will lose them forever. Already, things are beginning to slip and fade away. At the moment, you are just losing the most basic memories that you probably would not remember even if you gained your memories again. Inconsequential things. But if you fail, you will lose all knowledge of who you are."

"Everything?" Ichigo asked, a cold feeling sinking into his heart.

"More than just that," the man said. "Complete and utter darkness, no knowledge of who you are at all. And besides that, your Hollow would take over you and suppress all vestiges of your presence forever."

"What?" Ichigo asked, shocked. "You can't be serious!"

"I am afraid so," the man said, looking down.

"But it's already the twenty-first," Ichigo protested. "There are only thirty-one days this month! That means I have ten days left to remember everything about myself!"

"Not everything," the man corrected. "If you were to remember anything about you being a Soul Reaper, it would set off a chain-reaction, with you remembering all that you had lost. That is the main problem."

"So if I remember that I'll be safe?" Ichigo asked.

"To the best of my knowledge, yes," the man said.

"To the best of your knowledge?!" Ichigo demanded. "That's not very reassuring!"

"It is all that I can give you," the man offered.

"You can't be serious," Ichigo said.

"If you do not believe me, go to the fourth division and ask for a scan of your brain activity," the man advised. "I am sure that you will get much the same answer."

Ichigo felt himself fading from the world. In a few moments, he jerked his eyes open and he was back in his real body, in Renji's house on the couch. He sat up, recalling the man's words. "No," he said quietly, trying to make himself start breathing calmly. "That can't be true. It just can't."

The man had mentioned something about the fourth division. Should he go there? "I have to," he said to himself, standing up and moving towards the door. "I have to know!" He flung the door open and started running down the street, ignoring the odd looks people gave him. Now, he just had to find the fourth division. Where was it? He'd been there once, but he didn't really remember anything other than the room he'd stayed in. He'd been too drugged up to remember how he'd gotten back to Renji's house, let alone what directions he'd taken.

He turned corner after corner, rushing down streets like a madman. Every time he would see something with the kanji for four on it, he would stop and examine it, but he never quite found what he was looking for. He was beginning to get frustrated, not to mention tired. The wound on his chest was beginning to pull irritably, and itched as sweat began to form on his skin. But he couldn't give up.

"Ichigo?" a surprised voice asked from behind him.

Immediately, he stopped running and whirled around. Rukia was standing there, staring at him as if he was nuts. Well, he probably didn't look too lucid at the moment, he thought wryly. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Aren't you staying with Renji?"

"Where's the fourth division?" he asked hastily, going over to stand next to her. He was out of breath, and the question was quite breathless, but she seemed to understand.

"The fourth division?" she asked. "What, are you hurt or something?"

"No, no, not hurt," Ichigo said, waving a hand dismissively. "I just need to get there."

"Well, are you looking for the barracks or one of the relief stations?" Rukia asked, frowning at him.

"Hell, I don't know!" Ichigo said, frustrated. "Where would I go if I needed someone to run a brain scan on me?"

"A…brain scan?" she asked, blinking. "Why do you need a brain scan?"

"I just need to find out something," he said. "So which way is it? I'm kinda in a hurry here!"

"Here, follow me," Rukia said, grabbing his arm and running down the streets. He followed her, keeping up with her easily because of his longer legs. "Why do you need a brain scan?" she asked over her shoulder, panting slightly.

"Something to do with my memories," Ichigo huffed back at her. "I need to find out if I'm right about something." She didn't say anything else as she led him down the streets. She seemed to know exactly where she was going, which was good for him. A few minutes later, and they arrived at a large building, a proud kanji for the number four painted on a sign hanging on the wall.

"Here we are," she said. They slowed down to a walk. He nodded once and gave her a quick thanks before walking towards the door. But when he expected her to stop and go back to, well, whatever she'd been doing, she followed him.

He frowned at her. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"You really think I'm letting you go in there by yourself?" she asked, snorting. "I want to know what's going on, Ichigo. You can trust me."

He blinked. "Okay," he said quietly. Together, they walked into the small waiting room. Several Soul Reapers were walking around and others were talking quietly. A few of the chairs placed around the room were full, but most were empty. Rukia stepped forward and went over to the Soul Reaper working as a receptionist.

"Where can I find Lieutenant Kotetsu?" she asked.

"Oh, Lieutenant Kuchiki!" the Soul Reaper said nervously. "Actually, I'm, uh, not sure where she is at-"

"It's fine, Sakura, I'm here," a tall woman said in a kind voice. She walked out to meet Rukia. Ichigo looked at her; was this the lieutenant of the fourth division then? She was quite tall for a woman, with short silvery-gray hair and large black eyes. "What is it, Rukia?"

"Ichigo," Rukia said, motioning him forward. Ichigo stepped forward. The woman looked back and forth between the two of them, frowning. "This is Isane Kotetsu, the lieutenant of the fourth division. You tell her what you need."

"I need to have my brain scanned," Ichigo blurted out.

Isane blinked at him. Oh, great, she probably thought he was a raving idiot now. "Is there a particular reason why you need to have your brain scanned, Ichigo?" she asked, frowning.

"I think…that maybe…something is happening with my memories," Ichigo said softly. "The only way to know for sure would be a brain scan, right?"

Isane nodded slowly. "Yes," she said slowly, "and we can do that, but I would need to have Captain Unohana here. I don't think I'm experienced enough to know exactly what you're looking for."

Rukia nodded once. "I'll go get her," she said. "Surely the meeting can't be so important that she couldn't leave for an urgent patient." Isane nodded. "I'll be back soon." And with that, she ran out the building before shunpo-ing off.

Isane motioned for Ichigo to follow her into the back. She led him into a complex room with various medical equipment adorning the walls. "Go ahead and lie down," she instructed. "You can tell me what you think is happening while we wait for the Captain."

Ichigo did as she said, lying down comfortably on the firm examination table. It had a cushion, but it still wasn't much in the way of padded. He supposed that it would be better to mention his inner world, as well; surely everyone here had that kind of thing inside of them if they all had zanpaku-tos. "Well, I actually was in my inner world," he said. "And I was talkin' with this guy who said he was my zanpaku-to's spirit."

"Did you remember his name?" Isane interjected calmly.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "But he said somethin' that bothered me. He said that since that Urahara guy's memory technique thing hadn't worked on me, it was startin' to do this weird counterreaction thing."

"A counterreaction?" Isane asked, turning around to give him her full attention. There was a frown on her face; not good, Ichigo guessed.

"Yeah," he said, continuing. "He said that if I didn't remember my memories by the end of the month, I would never get them back, because of this counterreaction thing. Apparently, I'm already startin' to lose some of my memories, but it's just the non-important stuff right now."

"That's serious, Ichigo," Isane said solemnly. "If he was right, you don't have much time."

"I know. That's what worries me the most."

* * *

Rukia brushed past the guards who were standing outside the Captain's Meeting Hall. She had a feeling that whatever Ichigo was going through at the moment was a bit more important than this meeting. Steeling herself, she pushed open the doors into the meeting hall itself, instantly rushing forward and getting down on her knees and bowing her head low. All conversation instantly stopped.

"Rukia?" Ukitake asked, surprised. "Is something wrong at the barracks?"

Rukia lifted her head to look up at her Captain. "No, Captain, nothing's wrong there," she said. "It's Ichigo."

"Ichigo?" Renji asked, frowning. His voice was worried.

"What is the meaning of this, Lieutenant Kuchiki?" the Head Captain asked quietly.

"Ichigo had to go the fourth division for a procedure, and Lieutenant Kotetsu has requested Captain Unohana's presence," Rukia explained. She may have been calm on the outside, but internally, her nerves were completely freaking out. What if he denied permission? She didn't think Ichigo was in any immediate danger, but it was definitely a serious matter.

"What kind of procedure is it, Rukia?" Captain Unohana asked gently, taking a step forward.

"A brain scan," Rukia whispered.

There was silence for a moment. Then about five different comments broke out at once. Renji's was the loudest and most objective. "What the hell is goin' on?" he demanded loudly, moving towards Rukia. Unohana frowned and immediately began to question Rukia. Several other Captains began to talk amongst themselves, wondering what was going on.

"Silence!" the Head Captain roared suddenly. Everyone turned to look at him. "We are in the middle of a meeting," he reminded them all. "Captain Unohana, you are free to leave with Lieutenant Kuchiki to attend to Kurosaki. The rest of you are to remain here until the meeting is finished."

"But-" Renji protested.

"Not now, Renji," Shuhei said quietly from his side, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll go see what's wrong when the meeting is over. Unohana isn't gonna let anything happen to him."

"One must never forget their immanent duty," Byakuya added quietly. Renji flushed and crossed his arms over his chest, shrugging off Shuhei's hand.

Rukia stood and bowed once to the Head Captain before leaving with Unohana. As they made their way back to the relief station, the fourth division's Captain questioned Rukia thoroughly, asking for every bit of knowledge she had about the situation. Rukia answered to the best of her ability, but she didn't know much.

When they had reached the station, Unohana purposefully strode to the room where Ichigo and Isane were, while Rukia waited in the waiting room. She sat down and began to fidget with her hands. She knew that Unohana was worried, though the other woman hadn't really said anything. It was just a feeling. Soon, the minutes turned into an hour, and then two hours. Still, she waited nervously, helpless in that she had no idea what was going on.

The sun set and she still was sitting in the waiting room. Everyone, even the receptionist, had left by now, leaving her alone. She sighed; she wanted to go back and ask what was going on, but she couldn't just burst in. It was such a helpless feeling; she hated feeling helpless. Out of every possible emotion, that was the absolute worst.

"Rukia?" a voice asked from the door. She looked up. It was Renji. He walked into the room with an anxious expression on his face. "What the hell is goin' on?" He sat down in the seat next to her.

"I was just going on a routine scan of the thirteenth's barracks when I ran into Ichigo," she explained. "He was running around like an idiot searching for the fourth division, wanting to see about having a brain scan."

"Why?" Renji asked.

"I don't know," she said, shaking her head. "He just said that it had something to do with his memories." She looked over at him. "What if something's wrong, Renji?"

He put a hand over his face and sighed. "I dunno what we're gonna do," he said. "If it's not one thing, it's the other."

"What?" she asked, frowning. "What are you talking about, Renji?"

"I…he found out," he said quietly, flushing slightly. He knew that Rukia knew his true feelings for Ichigo. He'd never had to tell her; she'd just guessed. She was intuitive, that way. Luckily, she'd never teased him about that, though she'd always urged him to confess. Like hell he'd ever do that.

"He did?" she asked, her breath catching in her throat. "How?"

"Guessed," he said gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What did he say?" she asked, not able to help the excited note that had crept into her voice. She had been waiting to see these two together for years, after all! They were so pig-headed; it had taken nearly three years just for Renji to admit to himself that he liked Ichigo. Now they just needed to get Ichigo to recognize his own feelings.

"That he needed to think about it," Renji said miserably. "Which means he thinks I'm a complete bastard."

"You don't know that," she said. "You can't possibly know-"

"Eh-hem," someone cleared their throat across the room. Renji and Rukia both looked up to see Unohana standing there, a frown on her face. "I'm afraid there's been a complication."

* * *

Ichigo rubbed at his eyes groggily as the effects of the anesthesia wore off. He hadn't thought that they'd need to put him to sleep just for a simple scan, but Unohana said that she didn't want to take any chances. He was currently propped up in a medical bed, waiting to hear the news about the scan.

"Ichigo?" a voice asked from his side. He moved his head to the side, opening his eyes blearily. "You awake?" It was Renji, sitting in a chair anxiously. He was still in his Captain's uniform, and a half-eaten tray of food was on a small table near him.

"What're you doin' here?" Ichigo asked, yawning. "Is the meeting over?"

"Yeah, ended 'bout four hours ago," Renji said. "Rukia told the Captains what was goin' on when she came to get Unohana, and then she told me the rest when I got here."

"Then Unohana told you what's wrong with me?" he asked grimly.

"Don't be like that, Ichi," Renji said quietly. "Ya got ten days."

"Ten days," Ichigo said, shaking his head. "It's only ten days, Renji. That's not a whole lot of time." He frowned. "And since when have you called me 'Ichi'?"

"Sorry," Renji said, flushing a bit.

Ichigo looked at him for a moment, and the completely dejected set of his shoulders, before sighing softly. "Nah, s'okay," he said. "Don't really mind." He snorted. "If it ain't Ichi, it's just strawberry, right?"

"Probably," Renji said, smirking a bit.

"Stupid pineapple," Ichigo said, shaking his head. He yawned again; man, he was tired. What time was it anyways? He looked around for a clock, but didn't see anything.

"It's almost midnight," Renji said quietly, answering his unspoken question.

Ichigo looked over at him, frowning. "I came here about two in the afternoon," he said. "And Unohana started workin' on me about three. You've seriously been waitin' here that long?" He was surprised at the other man's concern for him; though he supposed he shouldn't really be surprised, considering the situation.

"Well, just wanted to make sure nothin' serious was wrong," Renji said, looking the opposite direction. "Serious enough though, ain't it?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said, sighing again. "Look, Renji, about this afternoon-"

"Ichigo, it's okay," Renji interrupted him, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Just…forget 'bout it, alright? It never happened. Just go on and pretend it never happened. Trust me, it'll be easier this way."

"If that's what you want," Ichigo said.

"It is," Renji said, swallowing nervously. "Let's just focus on gettin' your memories back, mmkay?"

"Sure," Ichigo said, though he wasn't really sure about things. Renji looked completely hurt and dejected, as if everything Ichigo said or did cut a wound in his chest. Which it probably was, metaphorically speaking, he supposed. "Are you goin' back to your place now?" he asked.

"What?" Renji asked, startled.

"Well, it's almost midnight," Ichigo pointed out. "And I doubt you wanna sleep here in a chair. I don't think they're gonna kick me out if I spend the night here."

"Yeah, probably should get goin', shouldn't I?" Renji said, chuckling lightly. He stood up, a few bones popping as he did so. "Okay then, guess I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Right," Ichigo said quietly, leaning his head back against his pillows. He could already feel sleep overtaking him. Just as his eyes were closing, he thought he saw Renji stop at the door and look back at him, but he didn't pay it too much attention. He was already fast on his way to dreams…

_He was lying down on his back, on a large fluffy bed with comfortable white sheets. It was early morning, and the sun was coming in through the window to warm his face. He sighed contentedly and opened his eyes. It wasn't a familiar room that he was in, but it was definitely nice and inviting. Everything was a light and friendly color, either white, or yellow, or orange. _

_He stretched out until his fingers hit the headboard and his legs were completely extended. After a moment or two of stretching, he started to bring his arms back down to his side…but then they connected with something warm and solid. He frowned and rolled over onto his side, looking to see what was keeping his hand from returning to his side. _

_It looked to be a body, but he couldn't see anything because it was covered in sheets and the pillow obstructed any view of a hair color. Frowning, he put a hand on the other's shoulder. To his surprise, it made a sort of deep rumbling noise and then rolled over to face him, dragging an arm across his chest. It…it was Renji. He was asleep. _

_"Renji," he breathed quietly, glad to know that it wasn't a complete stranger. _

_Renji opened his eyes to stare at Ichigo. He blinked once or twice and then smiled softly in a way that Ichigo had never seen before. "Mornin', Ichi," he said quietly, reaching over to brush a few stray strands of hair out of Ichigo's face. Ichigo didn't say anything; he was too busy analyzing the touches._

_Renji's hands were calloused and rough, but they felt gentle against him, almost a caress, but not quite. His hand fell at his side once he had finished fixing Ichigo's hair. But he was soon moving to do something else. He slowly wrapped his arm around Ichigo's waist and pulled him towards him, their lips finally meeting in a slow, lazy kiss._

_Ichigo didn't push him away. Instead, he leaned into the kiss, closing his eyes and just letting himself get lost in the feeling. It was…nice; Renji's lips were surprisingly gentle, forceful, but not too demanding, aggressive, but not pushy. A tongue slowly pushed at his bottom lip, asking for entrance. Not seeing a reason to resists, Ichigo opened his mouth ever so slightly._

_Just like that, the tongue slipped inside his mouth, moving around to caress every inch of his mouth. It rubbed against his own tongue, across his teeth, and then it would go out to lick at his lips before plunging in again. Ichigo couldn't but moan in response and pull Renji closer to him, tangling his fingers in the long, ruby locks. _

_Renji made a noise that sounded like a growl and moved a hand down to Ichigo's stomach, tracing patterns there on the skin. He broke off the kiss then and moved to Ichigo's neck. Ichigo rolled onto his back and let the other have his way. The feelings were just too good to pass up, after all. _

_He groaned when he felt sharp teeth bite into the junction between his neck and his throat. It hurt a bit, but when a tongue poked at the small wound apologetically and then when its respective mouth began to suck on it instead, Ichigo forgot all the pain. "Renji…" he moaned, moving his own hands to track along the inky dark tattoos on the other's chest._

_Renji smiled into his neck before pulling away and licking a trail up to his ear. He bit down on the soft lobe before pulling it into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. Ichigo shivered beneath him, twisting his head slightly so that the other had better access. Renji chuckled. "Like that, Ichi?" he asked sensually._

_"Yeah," Ichigo said breathlessly._

_"Then you'll love this," Renji said, relinquishing his hold on the ear to move down Ichigo's body. "How convenient, Ichi – we're already naked." He pulled the sheet away, exposing Ichigo completely. "Excited, are ya?" Renji asked mischievously. Ichigo couldn't help but flush at the suggestive words. But he didn't mind at all when the __other bent down and slowly licked a teasing trail from the bottom of his member to the top, going painfully slow. _

_"Renji, d-don't…" Ichigo stammered, trying to make a coherent sentence. But the feelings were just…so…damn…good…he couldn't seem…to make his mind think of anything else except…more. "Ahhh…" he broke off into a long, heady moan as Renji took him completely into his mouth. A teasing tongue licked everywhere, sometimes nipping gently for added emphasis. "Ngh, Renji, don't or…I'm…no, Renji, quit," Ichigo said frantically, trying to get the other stop. He didn't want this to end now; it was just too good to stop! _

_Renji pulled away, looking up at him with a clearly loving expression on his face. He moved up to capture Ichigo's lips with his own again. When he pulled away this time, he moved on to kissing every other part of Ichigo's face: his eyelids, the tip of his nose, his forehead, his cheeks, his chin…everything in reach. "I love you, Ichigo…"_

Ichigo woke up with a startled cry, jerking up to a seated position. He hissed as his pants rubbed against the sensitive skin around his groin. Great, now he had that to worry about too. He lay back down and rolled over on his side, tenting the sheet a little bit so no one would walk in and see him like this. That would be embarrassing.

But that dream…it had been so real. He blushed when he remembered the content of it. That had definitely been…well, unexpected. But the feelings – it had all been so real, every touch, every look, every word, every sound. It had felt good. He felt a slight chill – a good one, though - go through his body when he realized that he hadn't wanted the dream to end.

He hadn't wanted it to stop. He'd wanted Renji…in that way, in a completely sexual way. Geez, how much of this could a friendship take before it just fell apart? He couldn't help but wonder though if Renji had dreams about him like that. It was entirely possible. And if those dreams were to become reality…he felt his cock twitch as his thoughts turned in that particular direction.

He scowled internally at himself. He couldn't just jerk himself off here in a hospital room. He didn't even want to think about the poor soul who had to clean the sheets. Not to mention how they'd laugh whenever they saw him again. He angrily forced himself to try and think about something else, something completely and utterly non-arousing. …Dead cats?

The thought seemed to help a little, so he focused on it. Yes, little dead cats. That helped. A few minutes later and he was completely normal again. He sighed and rolled back over onto his back again. What did it mean though, that he'd had such a detailed and obviously erotic dream about Renji? Did that mean he loved the other back, and just didn't know it yet? He shook his head. He didn't know. But one thing he did know for sure –

He hadn't wanted that dream to stop.

* * *

Eh...what can I say, lol? I figured I should put in some action, considering that there's been next to nothing so far. Anyways, dunno how good it is. That's not like the only lemon - if it could even be called that, it's pretty tame - in this story. There will be more, lol.

Anyways, the part with the brain scan is based on something I saw on the Discovery channel once - I have no idea why I was watching that channel, lol, but I was - about how memories are all stored in one particular part of your brain, and any damage done to that part will effect your memories. Also, if a drug for some reason doesn't work on a person, sometimes the body will recognize it as a pathogen and try to kill it - Ichigo's body trying to kill the drug that Urahara gave him that attached to his brain and tried to restore his memories. Since it didn't work, his body is trying to kill the medication, which is killing that part of his brain in the process. Pretty serious, eh?

Anyways, hopefully that answers some questions!! Also, I have another question...I know where I'm going to end this particular story, but if I were to write a sequel that might include a few more couples and be a bit more expansive...would anyone be interested in reading it? You don't have to answer, but if you would, that'd be great!!

As always, thanks for previous reviews, and keep 'em coming!! I love hearing what people have to say about this story!!


	12. Advice from the Love Guru

Well, lol, my romantic muse was basically forcing me to write today, so you guys get an update!! I don't know why, but lately I've been writing longer chapters. Hmm. I doubt anyone else seriously minds. Anyways, lol, I like this chapter. You'll have to read to find out why, but it might have something to do with the music I was listening to...seriously, music can just be so darn romantic that it gives me goosebumps!!

Anyways, lol, thanks again for all the reviews and faves!!

* * *

Several hours later, after the sun had risen, Ichigo left the fourth division relief station. He didn't head back to Renji's house; to be honest, he wasn't ready for that just yet. So he was merely wandering around the Seireitei, not really having anywhere in particular that he needed to go. He wasn't in the mood for a drink, and he didn't want to find any of the other friends he'd made in the past week and a half. But what else was there to do?

He put his hands in the pockets of the pants and kicked at a loose rock on the ground. It flew through the air until it hit the side of a building and ricocheted off once before rolling to a stop. He sighed and walked past it. He hated this entire situation. He had ten days to regain his memories - or lose them all. And he had to figure out his feelings for Renji – who he was now having erotic dreams about. With a groan of frustration, he stopped and leaned against the building beside him.

The dream he'd had last night had obviously meant something. People didn't just have dreams involving…well, _those _kinds of things, with their friends unless there was something else going on in the relationship. But he had never done anything like that with Renji – except for that one accidental kiss. It might help if he kissed Renji in real life, just to see if he felt anything. But it wouldn't be awkward to just go up to the red-head and ask for a kiss. Of course not.

He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, thinking. Did he like Renji? **Heh, seems like it ta me, if yer havin' dreams like **_**that **_**'bout the guy,** a chuckling voice sounded in his head. Ichigo could sense the leer on the Hollow's face as he said the words. **Fuck, King, ya just had ta wake up, didn't ya? Woulda been pretty fuckin' hot if ya'd just kept dreamin'.**

_Like I have any control over when my dreams start and stop, _Ichigo retorted. _And keep out of my business! I don't even know you! _

**Ya do too know me, King, **the creature corrected. **Ya just don't remember me. There's a difference.**

_Whatever,_ Ichigo said wearily. _Just leave me alone._ There was a snigger at his ear, but no more snide comments. He sighed in contentment. It was bad enough that there was apparently a monster living inside him. It didn't help that said monster could apparently see all his thoughts and dreams.

"Oh, Ichigo!" a bubbly voice proclaimed suddenly. Ichigo opened his eyes and raised his head; Rangiku Matsumoto was just coming around the corner, a shopping bag clutched in one of her hands. The woman rushed over to him, her enormous chest bouncing as she moved; Ichigo flushed and looked away. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "Just walkin' around," he said quietly.

"You're not hiding are you?" the woman asked, grinning. "But who could you be hiding from, I wonder?" She put a finger to her bottom lip in thought. A few moments' later, her face brightened with enlightenment. "Oh, I got it! You're hiding from Renji, aren't you?"

"What?" Ichigo yelped, looking straight at her. "I'm not hiding! And especially not from Renji!" He crossed his arms over his chest defensively. "Why the hell would I be hiding from Renji?"

"I don't know," Rangiku said, shrugging. "Hey!" she said suddenly, brightening up immediately. "Why don't you come back to my office and talk with me for a little bit? I just bought some new sake!"

"Well, I don't–" Ichigo protested, but she cut him off immediately, waving her hand dismissively.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I have tea too," she said, grabbing his arm and beginning to walk down the street. "Honestly, you're such a prude, Ichigo! Loosen up a little every now and then! Look at me, loose as a feather and happy as can be!" She giggled at her own joke, and then frowned. "But then again, not everyone else seems too happy about it…" she trailed off, deep in thought.

Ichigo, realizing how futile it was to resist, started to walk alongside the woman, trying to remember where the turns were as she led him back to her office. She was in the tenth division, right? And the divisions were organized according to their numbers…ah, hell, he was completely lost now. There was no point in trying to keep up with all the twists and turns.

A few minutes later and the two of them were safely ensconced in Matsumoto's office, sitting on chairs with a table between them. Ichigo had indeed opted for the tea while Rangiku hadn't hesitated to pour herself a bit of sake. "So, why do you look so depressed?" she asked, sipping at her drink.

"Huh?" Ichigo asked, jerking out of his stupor. He'd been thinking, and had gone off into his own little world. "Sorry, what?" he repeated.

"You look sad, Ichigo," Rangiku noted. "Is something wrong?"

"Sad?" he repeated, frowning. She nodded. "I'm not…sad. Just…confused is more like it."

"Confused?" she asked. "What about?"

He sighed. "It's complicated," he said softly.

"Ah, you must be having a love problem!" she exclaimed suddenly. Ichigo – who had just taken a drink of tea – sputtered violently, tea spraying from his mouth indignantly. Coughing a bit, he turned red and looked away.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," he muttered, setting his tea down on the table.

"Yes, you do!" she chirped happily, apparently unfazed by the tea now on the floor. "So tell me, who's the lucky girl? Or guy, I guess." Ichigo refused to answer, and she frowned at him. "Come on, tell Rangiku who's on your mind! If you don't, I'll just have to drag it out of you!"

Ichigo gulped at the menacing tone that had crept into the woman's voice. "Well…" he said, trailing off, "I don't know where exactly to start."

"That's okay!" she gushed. "Just start with the name."

"Well," Ichigo said quietly. He wasn't sure about this…should he tell the woman that Renji loved him? He didn't know her well enough to decide whether or not she would tell anybody. "I don't really want this to get out."

"Oh, fine, don't tell me the name," she said, sighing dramatically. "Just explain the situation. I already have a pretty good guess where you're going with this though." She smiled deviously.

He blinked. "Well…suppose that one of your friends started to act strange around you," he said slowly, thinking of each word as he said it. "They're always really concerned about you, and they have nightmares about you dyin'. Then when they think you aren't lookin', they're starin' at you. And then you figure out they're…they're really in love with you."

At this point, Rangiku let out an excited squeal, clapping her hands together excitedly. He frowned at her. "Sorry!" she said, though she didn't really sound apologetic. "This is just so exciting! So did he tell you that he loves you?"

"I-I never said it was a h-he!" Ichigo protested, flushing.

"But you're blushing!" she said, giggling. "That means it is!"

"No, it doesn't!" he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"How cute – Renji loves you!" she said, sighing happily.

"I never said it was Renji!" he said, starting to get irritated now. Why was he irritated? Well how the hell did she know this much? It was completely disconcerting!

"But it's true," she said, winking at him. "Don't worry, Ichigo – Renji's as transparent as glass in that regard. I found out years ago. Actually, most people have figured it out."

"Most people?!" he sputtered. "How many people know about this?"

"Oh, most of our friends," she said, thinking hard. "And his old Captain, I guess. Probably anybody who works with him, and all the people in his squad. Well, actually everyone probably knows about it."

Ichigo groaned and leaned back in his chair. "Great," he muttered.

"What's wrong?" Rangiku asked, frowning. "Do you not love him back?"

"I don't know," he said quietly.

"How do you not know whether or not you love someone?" she asked, sticking her bottom lip out.

"Because I never thought about it before!" he said, his voice rising in irritation. "I only found out about this yesterday!"

"You mean you didn't know?" she asked, blinking.

"No!"

"But it was so obvious!" she said.

"Not helping," he said, glaring at her.

"Well, what are you going to do?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I have no idea," he said honestly, looking down at his lap. "I don't want to hurt his feelings…but I don't know how I feel about this whole thing. And he told me earlier to just forget about it."

"Oh, Renji!" Rangiku said, frowning. "Stupid Renji!" She sighed. "He shouldn't have told you that. Obviously, you aren't going to forget about it now that it's out there." He gave her a look that clearly said "no shit!" "But Ichigo, you have to think about what you really want before you do anything. Don't do anything you'll regret!"

"Yeah, I know," he said. "But what if it's not the answer he wants?"

"To be honest, he probably resigned himself to that answer a long time ago," she admitted after a moment or two. "He _has_ liked you for a long time now, you know."

Now didn't that just make Ichigo feel like an ass. How long exactly had Renji liked him for? Scratch that, he didn't want to know. It would only make him feel worse. "Then what do I do?" he asked. "I don't want to hurt his feelings…but I don't want to get in a relationship that I don't really want to be in."

To his surprise, Rangiku leaned across the table a put a hand on his arm comfortingly. "Just give yourself some time to mull things over," she said, smiling gently. "Don't knock it until you've thought of every possibility. And then you have to make sure you're right."

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks, Rangiku."

"Anytime, sweetie!" the woman said, her smile growing. "Me and my girls are always open for love troubles!"

"Your girls?" Ichigo asked, blinking. "Who're they?"

"Oh, you haven't met them yet?" she asked, the smile turning into more of a smirk. "Then I'll just have to introduce you!"

* * *

Ichigo slumped against a building, panting heavily. He'd been running from Rangiku for nearly an hour, but she still didn't want to give up! He hadn't known that when she'd said "girls" she really meant her ginormous breasts! And he certainly didn't want to get to know them at all. Not that there was anything wrong with them. He just wasn't interested. And now he needed a good place to hide.

He'd run all over the Seireitei, looking for a place that she wouldn't dare to habitate. So that excluded all the bars, clubs and any other place where they might be dancing, sake or food. Add in the fact that he was completely and totally lost and he was in a real bind. He was slinking down low against the building, taking advantage of all the shadow he could, but he had to give her some credit – she wasn't a complete idiot.

Holding a stitch in his side, he bent down low and started to run in an awkward fashion down the street. He had to keep on his toes; for some reason, she seemed to have an incanny ability to track him. He wasn't sure how she did it, but she could always sense where he was. It was downright unnerving. He looked up to the sky to see if she was using that shunpo method to jump around, but he didn't see anything. He returned his gaze to the street ahead of him just in time to see the arm that was stuck in his path.

"What the hell?!" he said irritably, jerking upright and stopping. He peered around the edge of the building to see who was there. A smiling man stepped out; oh, it was that one guy from yesterday. The one who'd done the talking about his Hollow. What had his name been again? "What are you doin'?" he asked. "What kind of idiot sticks their arm out in the middle of a street?"

"Why're ya runnin' like that, Ichigo?" the man asked in return, his grin widening. "'Fraid of somethin'?"

"I'm not scared!" Ichigo said vehemently. "I'm tryin' to get away from a madwoman who wants to introduce me to her…girls." He flushed at the connotation.

"Eh?" the man asked, tilting his head to one side. "Don't quite get whatcha mean, Ichigo. She got kids 'r somethin'?"

"No," Ichigo said quickly, "at least, I don't think she has any kids. I mean…well, she calls them her girls…but they're…well, you know…" He used his hands to gesture vaguely at his chest, which of course only made him feel more embarrassed.

"No, I don't know," the man said. "Whatcha talkin' 'bout?"

"Her breasts, you idiot!" Ichigo finally snapped at him; honestly, was this guy a complete ignoramous?!

"Her…breasts?" the man asked, blinking. Ichigo nodded, flushing. A confused look entered the man's face. "Why th' hell would ya run from a girl who wanted ta show ya her assets?" He was looking at Ichigo as if he were nuts. "Shoulda just let her do it!"

"I'll pass," Ichigo said darkly, stepping out of the way. "Now if you don't mind, I need to get movin' again before she finds me." He started to move away but a hand jerked on the neckline of his shirt, effectively stopping his movement.

"Ah-ah-ah!" the man said, smirking. "Ya ain't goin' nowhere yet, Ichi. We got things ta discuss, you an' me."

"Don't call me Ichi," Ichigo said, jerking himself away from the man's grasp. It was funny; he hadn't really minded when Renji had called him that. But hearing other people use the nickname just bothered him. That was odd. But he'd have to think about it later; this guy was unfortunately higher up on the list of priorities. "And who the hell are you anyways?"

"Can't even remember my name?" the man asked. "Geez, yer memory really _is_ shit."

"Shut up!" Ichigo said hotly, clenching his hands into fists at his side. "It's not my fault!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," the man said. He suddenly stuck out a hand for Ichigo to shake. "Shinji Hirako, ex-Captain o' fifth company, an' Vizard." Ichigo hesitantly took the hand and shook it. "Now, ya got a moment? I need ta talk wit' ya for a minute 'r two."

"Well, I'm kinda runnin' at the moment-" Ichigo said, looking around, as if he feared Rangiku was going to suddenly just jump out of thin air.

"Never said we had ta talk here," Shinji pointed out, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Then take me somewhere else!" Ichigo said. "As long as it gets me away from that woman I'm fine with it!" Shinji snickered, but led him down the streets to a nearby house. It was rather large, though Ichigo supposed it had to be, considering how many Vizards there were. Shinji led him into the house; it was relatively quiet inside. A man with long flowing blonde hair and pale skin was sitting in a chair reading while a gray-haired man with several ear piercings was sprawled out on the couch. Both looked up as the two of them entered the room, and then went back to what they were doing.

"Ichigo, this is Rose," Shinji said, pointing to the long-haired man, "an' Kensei. Both former Captains an' Vizards." Ichigo nodded at the two of them, but they were apparently absorbed in something else, because they didn't respond. Shinji jerked his head to a hallway; they went down the hallway and then into a bedroom in the back. Shinji closed the door behind him. "Sit down, make yerself comfortable," he said, sprawling out on one of the couches that lined the room. "Got lots ta talk 'bout, you an' me."

"Like what?" Ichigo asked, sitting down on another couch.

"Like that Hollow inside ya," the other responded, smirking. "Who do ya think taught ya ta suppress him?"

"You have a Hollow inside you too?" Ichigo asked incredulously.

"Um, Vizard?" Shinji said. "Seriously, Ichigo, am I gonna hafta ta tell ya everythin'?" He sighed at the blank look on Ichigo's face. "Guess so. Well, Soul Reapers can only get so powerful. We got a set limit on our strength from the get-go. But, we _can _get stronger though 'n illegal process called Soul-Reaperfication. A process that eliminates th' barrier between the two races. Vizards."

"If it's an illegal process then how do you exist?" Ichigo asked.

"Aizen," Shinji replied, his face growing dark. "Stupid bastard did it ta us somehow. Dunno what exactly he did, but it worked. So we got exiled, along wit' Urahara."

"Urahara?" Ichigo repeated. "What did he do?"

"He was accused of turnin' us into Vizards," Shinji said. "Though, of course he had nothin' to do wit' us other than creatin' th' Hogyoku."

"Was that the only reason you wanted to talk to me?" Ichigo asked. "To talk about your history?"

"Nope," Shinji said, smirking. "Ya need ta learn patience, Ichigo, geez. The whole point of us bein' here is ta make sure yer Hollow don't come out an' try ta kill ya. Shouldn't be too much of a problem, since ya ain't doin' too much fightin'. Once ya regain yer powers, ya should be alright."

"It all comes back down to that," Ichigo said, frustrated. He leaned back. "Why the hell can't I remember anything?"

"Ya will eventually," Shinji said, trying to be comforting. It wasn't working too well.

* * *

Ichigo spent a few more hours talking to Shinji, and then spent another few trying to figure out how to get back to Renji's house. 

When he finally saw the small building, it was nearly dark and he was exhausted. The lights were all off as well. Great – Renji wasn't home either. Well, he was probably out looking for him, since he'd been basically missing all day.

With a resigned sigh, he sat down on the doorstep and laid his head back against the door. He stared up the sky, which was just beginning to reveal the thousands of stars that dotted the sky. Today had been rather interesting. Despite how crazy she was, Rangiku had actually given him some rather sound advice. And Shinji had given him some pointers on how to suppress his inner Hollow without actually fighting him. And he had learned that he didn't have the best sense of direction.

His eyelids slipped closed and he took a deep breath, relaxing. He didn't know what he was going to do; and he meant about both his current predicament with Renji and his memory situation. What was he going to do? It was just all so confusing. He sat there for a few more moments, trying to think of possible ways to figure out what to do. He wasn't coming up with anything.

Suddenly, he felt himself being picked up by strong arms. His eyes flew open immediately as he stared up indignantly at the person holding him. It was Renji, currently wearing a shocked expression. "What the hell?!" they both yelled at exactly the same time. Renji dropped Ichigo, making him land painfully hard on the ground beneath him. Ichigo groaned as he felt a light trickle of blood seep down from his hairline to his eyes.

"What was that for?" Ichigo asked, wincing when his fingers probed the small wound. "You dropped me, you idiot!"

"I thought ya were asleep," Renji said, walking over to extend a hand down to Ichigo. The younger took it and was pulled to his feet. He staggered a bit; the wound was making him a bit dizzy. "Easy," Renji said, grabbing a hold of one of his arms and throwing it over his own shoulder. "C'mon, let's get ya inside before ya fall down."

"Shut up, bastard," Ichigo said, though he was glad for the help. He leaned on Renji easily as the other man unlocked the door and opened it. The red-head led him to the bed in the back. He then set him down.

"Hold on, I'll go get somethin' to clean that up," Renji said, pointing towards Ichigo's wounded head. Ichigo nodded and waited patiently for the other to come back; it took the red-head only a few moments. He sat down at Ichigo's side and made the younger man bend his head a bit so Renji could inspect it. "Well, it ain't too deep; don't think it needs stitches."

"Good," Ichigo said, gritting his teeth as Renji poked at the shallow cut painfully. He winced when the other applied a cleansing liquid to a cotton ball and then wiped at the blood. "Shit, that stings!"

"Well, what did ya expect?" Renji snapped, "It to feel good?"

"Why did you even pick me up anyways?" Ichigo asked.

Renji's ministrations paused for a millisecond, and then picked up again; the stop was so slight that Ichigo wasn't sure if it had really happened. "I thought ya were asleep," he said, finally answering the question. "Wasn't just gonna leave ya out there all alone."

"Oh," Ichigo said intelligently.

"Wouldn't a done it if I'd known ya were awake," Renji grunted out, moving on to wipe the blood off Ichigo's face. It occurred to him that he could probably just let Ichigo do this…but the younger didn't seem to mind. If anything, he was leaning in to Renji's touch. That was…strange, he thought. When he was finished, he pulled back and picked up the used cotton balls. He threw those away and set the cleansing liquid down on the bedside table.

"Are you finished?" Ichigo asked, surprised. His warm brown eyes looked wistful. Wistful for what, Renji wondered?

"Yeah," Renji said. "Listen though, I got somethin' to tell ya."

"What?"

"I've been assigned a mission to the world of the livin'," Renji said quietly. "I'll be gone for 'bout a week or so. I tried to get out of it, but it was my turn and the Head Captain can't make that many allowances, even if it is for you." He smiled ruefully.

"What?!" Ichigo yelped, standing up and taking a step closer to Renji almost unconsciously.

Renji blinked at him. "Whadda ya mean 'what?'" he asked. "I made it perfectly clear."

"No, I mean, why?" Ichigo asked, shaking his head a bit.

"I have to," Renji explained. "All the Captains have to do routine checks in the world of the livin'. Ever since the war ended, just to make sure nothin's happenin'. Anyways, I gotta do some talkin' to Urahara too. Orders from the Head Captain, Ichigo, can't avoid it. You gonna be okay here by yourself?"

"Course I'll be fine," Ichigo said. "I don't need a nanny."

"Then why're ya so upset?" Renji asked, blinking in confusion.

"…nothing," Ichigo said, sitting back down.

"Somethin' ain't wrong, is there?" Renji asked, worried now.

"No, nothing's wrong," Ichigo said, turning away.

"Then why do ya have that look on your face?" Renji asked, frowning.

"What look?"

"Like your cat just died."

"I don't like cats," Ichigo said, turning to glare at him.

"Ya know what I meant," Renji said, rolling his eyes.

"It's just…I dunno, it'll be weird without you around," Ichigo admitted, scratching the back of his neck absently as a light tinge of pink flushed over his cheeks.

Renji waited a moment to make sure that he'd heard Ichigo right. It would be weird without him around? "You'll miss me?" he guessed, taking a leap of faith here. Ichigo turned to look at him for a moment and then looked away again, his flush deepening. He grinned. "Ichi, I'm only gonna be gone for a few days. It's not the end of the world."

"Someone else called me that today," Ichigo remarked absently.

"What, Ichi?" Renji asked intently. That was _his _name for Ichigo. No one else was supposed to call him that. "Who?"

"Shinji," Ichigo said quietly. Renji was about to open his mouth to rudely say something else, but Ichigo wasn't finished yet. "It was funny though. I didn't mind when you called me that…but I didn't like it when he said that." He looked up at Renji, who had gone very still. "Funny, ain't it?" Renji didn't say anything. Ichigo frowned. "Renji?" Still, there was no response. "Renji? Is somethin' wrong?" He stood up and moved a bit closer to the other, frowning at him. "Renji?"

Suddenly, Renji closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to Ichigo's. Stunned, Ichigo just stood there, his eyes wide. He'd never known before, but Renji's lips were incredibly soft…just like in his dream, he remembered faintly, bringing a tinge of pink to his cheeks. Almost instinctively, his lips moved back against the lips on his, but as soon as he registered that, Renji pulled back, horror-stricken.

"Shit!" he said, backing away and slapping a hand to his forehead. "Dammit, I'm sorry, Ichigo! I didn't mean to-" he broke off mid-sentence with a frustrated growl. "I gotta go." He turned around and fled out of the room, grabbing a few things off the tables he passed.

"Renji?" Ichigo asked, still in shock about what had happened.

Renji turned around once, a tortured expression on his face, and sighed. "I'm sorry, Ichigo, I hafta to go, now," he said. "They're waitin' for me at the Senkaimon. I'll be back in a few days. And I'm sorry." He took one last look at the other before leaving the house, closing the door behind him.

Ichigo slowly sat down on the bed behind him. His hand seemed to travel to his mouth unconsciously, feeling the soft skin there, which still tingled from the contact. That kiss…it had definitely NOT been expected, but it was…nice. He let himself fall back down on the bed, his hand moving down to his chest. Why had Renji done that? Had it been what he'd said?

As he closed his eyes to sleep, a single thought entered his head: Renji had kissed him. It had felt divine. And now, Ichigo wanted him to do it again.

* * *

After getting a significant distance away from his house, Renji slumped against the wall of a random building, dejected. "Shit," he cursed softly, leaning his head back against the tiles. What had he done? He'd…he'd fucking kissed Ichigo! He didn't even know what the hell had come over him. But when Ichigo had said that he hadn't liked it when Shinji had called him by the same pet name Renji had developed for him, he'd just snapped. It had been instinctual, no thought going into it at all.

God, why had he done that?! He'd just ruined everything. In one night, with one gesture, he'd ruined the friendship he'd worked so hard to regain since Ichigo had physically died. Now it was gone, all because of a stupid kiss. And what a kiss it had been! Even though Ichigo had been too stunned to reciprocate and Renji had basically stolen it from him, it had been heavenly. Ichigo's lips were so soft and supple, like silk.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. This was not what he needed right now! "Renji?" a voice questioned from a few feet away. He looked up to see Momo standing there. "Is something wrong?"

"Everything," Renji whispered painfully, before pushing himself up off the wall. "No, Momo, I'm fine." He looked away in the direction of his house once before turning to look at her. "C'mon, then, we'd better get going." She nodded slowly, as if she didn't quite believe him, and they set off towards the Senkaimon where the other members of their party were waiting for them.

He had to get through his; he would get through this. He would do his best on the current mission and then come back and apologize to Ichigo. That was all he could do. He didn't even dare to hope that maybe Ichigo had liked it. He couldn't think that way. That would only set him up for disappointment. Because he was certain – absolutely certain – that Ichigo didn't like him that way.

* * *

Eek, I feel so bad for what I did to Renji in that last part!! But I have a weird thing for tortured souls. Yes, I know that I am a total loser. I embrace it XD. Anyways, this is the last of the chapters that I'd had finished previously, so the next chapter probably won't be out for another week. But who knows? If you guys really really really want me to I might be able to write a little faster -_hint hint- _You could probably twist my arm.

Thanks again for all the reviews!! I appreciate everything you guys say!!


	13. Urahara's Reverse Psychology

Ugh, well I tried uploading this this morning, but Fanfiction was being a total bitch and claimed that I wasn't logged in once I pressed the 'save changes' button. But I mean - if I wasn't logged in then how the hell did I even get to the story editer page in the first place, lol?? Oh well. So now I'm armed with my my Coke and Cosmic Brownie (no joke...that's what the things are called XD) and I'm ready to try and upload this...one more time.

Thanks again for all the reviews!!

* * *

Several days had passed since Renji had left for the world of the living. His mission was simple: scour Karakura Town for any traces of abnormal Hollow activity, visit those who had aided the Soul Reapers in the Winter War and then go and visit Kisuke Urahara to give him a progress report regarding Ichigo's condition. Well, the first hadn't been too hard; Renji hadn't even really needed to be there. He had mainly watched while Momo directed his subordinates. He would step in occasionally, but most of the Hollows that did appear were minor, nothing a regular Soul Reaper couldn't kill.

The second part had taken a bit longer. Apparently, Ishida and Orihime were now living together in a small apartment. Ishida was studying to take a position at his father's hospital while Orihime was taking classes to become some kind of nurse. Chad lived in the same old apartment while he was taking classes at a local college; after classes, he worked part-time at a dojo (he was the practice dummy). The rest of the Kurosaki family was alright, though still a little shaken over Ichigo's death. Yuzu hadn't taken seeing Renji too well; it had sent her into a fit of tears, seeing Ichigo's "weird red-headed friend". He would've normally taken offense to that, but seeing as how the girl had been crying, he couldn't really say anything.

It was now the third day since they'd been stationed in the real world, and it was time to go visit Urahara. He couldn't really say that he was looking forward to that too much. He'd always felt guilty being in that old shop (perhaps because of his days spent as a freeloader?). But he knew that he had to do it; he didn't trust Momo with an operation like that, nor did he want anyone else to handle Ichigo's case. It was…special to him, you might say. It definitely affected him more than it would anyone else.

He'd tried to push their last farewell out of his mind as much as possible; he didn't want to think about how awkward things were going to be when he got back. In many ways, he guessed he deserved it; he'd been the one who'd kissed Ichigo, after all. But he didn't regret it; that was the interesting thing. On one hand, he wished he hadn't done it, just so that things could go back to being normal. But…it had almost seemed – and he knew that this was probably false too – as if Ichigo had kissed him back, towards the end. It had been slight and perhaps unintentional…but it had been there nonetheless.

He sighed and stopped thinking about that. He was on the sidewalk in front of the Urahara Shop. This wasn't the time to be thinking about that. He needed to focus. He unconsciously clenched the report Captain Unohana had made regarding Ichigo's health. With a slight nod, he turned off the pavement and walked over to the small shop. The soles of his boots scuffed on the dirt ground annoyingly, sending up little tendrils of smoke against his jeans.

There was someone sitting out on the porch. It was a teenager wearing a pair of jeans and a tight-fitting tank top. She had long black hair that was tied up in pigtails. He stopped; no way…it couldn't be… "Ururu?" he asked, stunned. The girl looked up and smiled when she recognized him.

"Yes?" she asked. She stood up.

"Is that really you?" Renji asked, coming closer towards her. He looked her over once, making her blush. "Damn…ya sure changed a lot since the war." He stuck his free hand in his pocket. "How old are ya now, anyways?"

"Seventeen," she said shyly. "Come on inside. Mr. Kisuke's waiting for you." She turned around after giving him a small grin and opened the door, leading him inside the main room. "Mr. Kisuke!" she called out. "Captain Abarai is here to see you!" There was a muffled murmur from the back of the store. She looked back at him from over her shoulder. "He'll be here in a minute."

He nodded and looked around the store. It certainly hadn't changed much in the five years since the war. A grim look came over his face as he remembered the scene when Tessai had died defending the very shop – which had been one of the bases of the operation against Aizen – where he now stood. It had been an amazing sight – the large man had withstood the pressure from the enemies until his body had literally given out. Once the war was finished, he'd been given a funeral fit for a king. And he had deserved every bit of it.

Urahara entered the room then, drawing him out of his thoughts. "Ah, Mr. Freeloader!" he said, smirking. Renji scowled at him, but he waved his hand dismissively. "Here to see me, then? Whatever about?"

Renji held up the sheaf of papers in his hand. "Report from Unohana," he said, thrusting the papers away from him. "I'm on a mission for the week, lookin' around to make sure nothin's happenin'. Figured I should go and see ya, since I ain't been 'round since the war ended."

Urahara took the papers and looked over them briefly. "Well, perhaps we should take this into one of the back rooms?" he suggested, turning around and walking towards a room. Renji followed him as Ururu went away – presumably to get back to cleaning something. They walked along a small hallway until Urahara turned sharply into a small room with a low table on the floor. He sat down and spread the papers out, reading quickly over the material.

Renji sat down across from him. Thinking of Tessai made him think of the others that had been lost during the war – Komamura, who'd died with Tousen at the hand of an Espada…Nemu Kurotsuchi, who'd finally suffered too many ill experiments at her father's expense (and for which he still hadn't been forgiven)…Chojiro, the first division lieutenant. There had been many others as well, though those had been three of the most tragic. He shook his head bitterly. What he wouldn't give to have Aizen kneeling in front of him so he could kill him with his own two hands! But fate had given that burden to Ichigo.

"Ah, very interesting," Urahara said suddenly.

"What?" Renji asked, vaulted from his thoughts.

"Here," Urahara said, pointing to a line on one of the papers. "It says that one night during an argument Ichigo was able to recall that Yoruichi had appeared naked in front of him. Yet later when you asked her about it, he couldn't recall who she was. That is very interesting, indeed."

"Well, what does it mean?"

"It means that Ichigo is subconsciously remembering things from his previous life," Urahara explained, looking up at Renji. "That's a good sign."

"No shit, you serious?" Renji asked, his eyes widening.

"When have I ever given you the impression that I'm not serious?" Urahara asked, smirking behind one of his hands. Renji just rolled his eyes at that. "But this," the man went on, pointing to another section of the papers, "is much more serious." Renji looked down to where the other man was pointing. Urahara sighed. "I thought something like this might happen."

"What?" Renji asked, scowling. "Then why didn't ya tell us then?"

"I didn't want to worry you about something that only had a fifty percent change of happening," Urahara said. "As it is, this is very serious. Judging by the date of this report, Kurosaki has only seven days left in which he must regain his memories. That's not a very good time frame, considering who we're doing with."

"Then whadda ya suggest we do?" Renji demanded.

"There isn't anything we can do except hope that Ichigo remembers everything," Urahara said, somewhat forlornly. "You might be able to trigger something by putting pressure on him; he has responded well to techniques like that in the past."

"I ain't gonna do that to him," Renji muttered.

"Of course not," Urahara said, his smirk coming back once again. "But you have your reasons, of course."

"What?" Renji demanded sharply, his frown growing.

"Mr. Freeloader," Urahara began delicately, "we all know how you feel about Ichigo. There's no use in hiding anything. But why don't you make your move? You've got nothing to lose."

"Nothing to lose?" Renji repeated. "Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? I've got everything to lose!"

"So you do like him," Urahara said quietly.

Renji blinked. "I thought ya already knew that," he said.

"Not really," Urahara said, smirking. "Reverse psychology, a little thing I picked up in my spare time. You see, I convince someone that I know something when it's really only a suspicion. If it's true, they generally get upset and ask me how I know when in reality, they have just told me themselves."

Renji scowled at him. "Is this a game to you?" he asked viciously.

"Everything's a game to me," Urahara said, grinning.

"This isn't funny!" Renji said, his voice rising with his anger. "Ichigo's memories are at stake here and you're just laughin' it off! What the hell is your problem?!"

"Oh, don't get so wound up," Urahara said, sighing. "I was only joking around."

"Well, it sure as hell ain't funny," Renji snorted, putting his head on his hand.

"Evidently not," Urahara murmured. In a louder voice, he asked, "But why don't you do something? Or didn't you know how Ichigo felt about you back when he was alive?"

Renji lifted his head at that, his heart nearly missing a beat from shock. "W-what?" he asked.

"Ichigo never took a girlfriend," Urahara explained, quietly gathering up the papers into a larger stack again. "And it was widely speculated that he was, well, gay. Of course he never elaborated on the point – you know how he is, never opens up to anybody." Renji nodded slightly in understanding. "But anyways, there were several occasions when Ichigo was out with friends when you dropped in for a visit. At all of those, Ishida said that his reiatsu would flare every time, in a nervous sort of way."

Renji waited for Urahara to say more, but he didn't. "Is that it?" he asked, blinking. The shopkeeper nodded, and he sighed. "That don't mean shit, Urahara!"

"Then perhaps you'd care to read his diary?" Urahara suggested.

"What?!" Renji asked, shocked. "Ya can't be serious!" Urahara nodded. "Ya read his fuckin' diary?! That's…that's not right. Ya shouldn't do things like that!"

"Why not?" Urahara asked. "He's dead."

"Don't say that," Renji growled menacingly. "Where's his diary?"

"Right here," Urahara said, procuring a small black book from his pocket. Renji snatched it out of his hand and stuck it inside his jacket pocket. "Ya don't go around readin' peoples' diaries."

"Why not?"

"Because it's meddlin'!" Renji said, angry now.

"But meddling is fun," Urahara protested.

"Oh, shove off," Renji said, standing up. "Ya got your papers. I'm leavin' now. Send me a message or somethin' if anything comes up. I'm outta here." He stormed off out of the room, not making it hard to tell how angry he was.

Urahara watched him leave with a sigh. A few moments later, Yoruichi appeared in the doorway Renji had left open. "What was that all about?" she asked, leaning against the doorjamb.

"He got upset when he found out I was reading Ichigo's diary," Urahara explained.

Yoruichi's expression turned reproachful. "Kisuke!" she said, sighing. "You shouldn't do things like that. It's not good to read other people's private thoughts. Renji was right. What did you do with the diary anyway?"

"He took it," Urahara said, smiling faintly.

Yoruichi smiled. "Those two need to get a move on," she said. "They've been in love for longer than I can count yet they're too oblivious to do anything." She walked into the room and sat down across the table from him. "What're those?" she asked, pointing to the report from Unohana.

"A report documenting Ichigo's progress," he answered.

"And?"

"It's not going well," he said, shaking his head. He then proceeded to tell her the facts about the counterreaction that Unohana had discovered. Yoruichi's expression turned grim. "In short, there's very little we can do," he summed it up. "It's all in Ichigo's hands right now."

* * *

Renji trudged back to the Kurosaki household, where he and Momo were currently staying. Isshin had been kind enough to let them stay in Ichigo's old room. At the moment, however, Momo was leading patrols around the surroundings town, making sure that Hollow activity hadn't traveled there. He walked into the kitchen, pocketing the key Yuzu had given him. She wasn't there at the moment; she was at school. Isshin was probably in the clinic, helping some patient. But for some reason, the TV was on.

He paused for a second, staring at the TV screen. It looked like one of those movie things – though it wasn't one he'd seen before. A skeleton figure was walking up a very curly hill, a large moon behind him. And he was singing a song. He listened to the words absently. _"Oh, there's an empty place in my bones that calls out for something unknown. The fame and praise come year after year does nothing for these empty tears." _

He kept watching as the skeleton man trudged up into what looked like a very haphazardly constructed house. At that moment, Isshin came into the room, looking from the TV back to him. Then the older man chuckled nervously. He picked up the remote – which was sitting on a table near him – and clicked the TV off. Renji looked over at him questioningly. "What is that?" he asked.

"Oh, one of those American movies that comes on 'round Halloween," Isshin explained. "The Nightmare Before Christmas, I think it's called. Dunno why the TV was on though." He shrugged. "Must've been an alien!" He suddenly shrunk down into an odd, contorted position and began to make strange noises while moving his arms in odd patterns. Renji just stared at him oddly.

"Um, I'll just head on up now," he said, edging slowly out of the room. He shook his head at the strangeness that was Ichigo's father before opening the door to the room he was staying in. It just so happened to be Ichigo's old room. He shut the door behind him and looked around. It really hadn't changed much since Ichigo's death; he privately suspected that his family was still too sad over the event to move any of his stuff out. Renji didn't blame them.

He sat down in the chair at Ichigo's old desk, pulling the diary out of his jacket and laying it on the desk. He looked away pointedly. He didn't want to read it. He shouldn't read it. It contained Ichigo's private thoughts, and it wouldn't be right to read it. But then again…Ichigo would never know…no, he couldn't think that way! He shook his head violently to get the thoughts out of his head. He shouldn't read the diary.

But he wanted to. His eyes involuntarily shifted to the little black book. And then his mind began coming up with excuses for him to open it. Like what if it had something in there that might help Ichigo recover his memories? What if there wasn't anything in there that Ichigo wouldn't have let him read anyways? Was was the point in being tempted if you were never meant to have resisted in the first place?

With a sigh, he opened the book. Damn his weakness for temptation!

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the Soul Society, Ichigo slammed his fist against the wall in irritation. He'd been working all day to try and remember what his zanpaku-to's name had been. He'd spent hours – long, exhausting hours – in his inner world, talking to both his inner Hollow – or Shirosaki, as the creature preferred to be called – and the old man in the long coat with the sunglasses. And yet he hadn't learned anything.

"What am I gonna do?" he asked himself quietly. Of course it hadn't help that he could't keep himself from thinking about that kiss from three days ago. It had just felt so good! Far better that it should have. Renji's lips had just felt so right, up against his. He didn't necessarily want to keep thinking about them, but he just couldn't help it. His mind was obsessed with thinking about the red-head. But that didn't change the fact that he still had no clue about whether or not he liked the guy.

**King, if yer havin' dreams 'bout kissin' an' holdin' him an' all that shit, ya gotta like him, **Shirosaki commented dryly. **Ain't no other explanation.**

"What if it's just because I've never had that kind of relationship with anyone?" Ichigo asked, blushing slightly. He found that talking out loud helped when he was all alone, despite the fact that he didn't have to speak out loud for the Hollow to hear him.

**But why him? **the Hollow questioned. **Why not that girl tha' was chasin' ya 'round yesterday? The woman wit' th' huge knockers?**

"Do you have to be so horny all the time?" Ichigo demanded. "Honestly, you can't go an hour without making some kind of perverted comment."

**That a problem? **Ichigo didn't answer. **Didn't think so. **

"It's annoying," Ichigo said, sitting down on the couch and leaning his head down against the cushions. "I should be havin' dreams like that about girls. But I've never thought this way about a guy before. I mean…what gives?"

**King, I don't think it's just lust 'r somethin', **Shirosaki said slowly.

"What are you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked.

**Tch, have ya noticed that all yer dreams 'r really sappy? **the Hollow asked. **Ya don't have dreams like that 'bout someone who just gets ya hot. Dreams like that 'r rough an' hot an' –**

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Ichigo said, interrupting Shirosaki before the drescriptions got any more graphic. He got a snicker in response. "It's not just some passing thing! I get that! But then…what the hell is it?"

**Ain't it obvious? **

"Not to me," Ichigo said, sighing. He moved so that he was laying down on the couch, flinging a hand behind his head for support. He lay there comfortably for a few moments, simply enjoying the comfort and silence. But just as his eyes slid closed, there was a knock on the door. He looked over in that direction. "It's open!" he called out, not really wanting to get up. He watched as someone opened the door; Rukia walked in then, an annoyed expression on her face.

"You know, it's rude to not get the door when someone comes knocking!" she said; she wasn't really angry. He could tell that. There was amusement in her eyes as she shut the door and came over to perch on the edge of the coffee table. She looked over at Ichigo and studied his face for a few seconds. "You look tired," she noted.

He shrugged. "Just been thinkin' a lot lately," he said.

"What about?"

He shrugged again. "Nothin' really," he said quietly. "So why are you here, anyways?" In the past few days, she'd stopped by a few times, to check on him. He guessed that Renji had put her up to it…stupid bastard. What was he going to do? Set the frickin' stove on fire?

"Actually, today I just came over to talk to you," she said, scooting back on the table so that she could draw her knees up to her chest.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No," she said. "I just wanna talk to you. Is that a problem?" He shook his head. "Okay then. What do you wanna talk about?"

He scowled at her. "You come over here to talk to me and then don't know what to talk about?" he asked. "What the hell is up with that?"

"Well, forgive me for trying to be social!" she snapped. "Geez, just pick a freakin' topic and I'll talk about it!"

"No need to be so rude," he said. "You're the guest after all, you're supposed to be nice." She rolled her eyes, but opted not to say anything. He thought about it for a few minutes, but couldn't come up with anything that he wanted to talk about. Well…there was one thought…but he wasn't sure how to phrase his request. "Well…" he said, wondering what to say.

"Yes?"

"Tell me about…Renji," he finished, flushing slightly.'

She blinked. "Renji?" she asked. He barely nodded. "What do you wanna know about him? I mean, what in particular?"

"Well, I only remember him and his personality," Ichigo explained. "I don't really remember his background or anything. How'd he get to where he is?"

Rukia smiled faintly. "Alright, I'll tell you about Renji," she said softly. "Well, the two of us grew up together, in Rukongai. We were street rats, with our own little band of friends. But eventually the two of us were the only ones left. So then we left for the Soul Reaper Academy." She frowned. "I was always upset by the fact that he got placed in the advanced class and I wasn't."

He snorted at that. "Renji, advanced?" he asked. "Gimme a break."

"Seriously!" Rukia said, giggling. "But anyways, while we were there, we…somewhat drifted apart, due to…my adoption by my older brother. After he graduated, he was put into the fifth squad, but he was found to be too troublesome." She shook her head fondly. "So he was moved to the eleventh division, where he moved up to the rank of sixth seat before being transferred to the lieutenant of the sixth division. And then you came into the picture."

"He doesn't have any family?" Ichigo asked, surprised.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "We were each other's only family."

He was silent for a few moments. "Has he always had such weird hair?" he asked absently.

She smiled softly. "Yes, it's completely natural," she said. "Why all the questions about Renji?" she asked, frowning slightly. "I would've thought that you would've wanted to talk about something else."

He looked over at her briefly before sighing and sitting up. "It's just that…" he trailed off, not sure how to put it.

"Yes?"

"I think I might love him."

* * *

Renji flipped open the journal on his desk to the entry that had caught his eye the first time he'd read it. It was…interesting. It wasn't really very revealing…none of the entries were, to be honest. In fact, if a total stranger were to read the notebook, they probably wouldn't have any more knowledge about Ichigo than if they hadn't read 

it. But this one entry…it seemed to be hinting at something that he found somewhat odd, for Ichigo.

_I don't know what to do anymore, _it read.  
_On one hand, I know that what I want isn't right. It goes against everything that society teaches us. But…how can something like that feel so wrong? I had thought that certain things were always acceptable, even if the little details of it weren't quite normal. Apparently I was wrong.  
I had another dream last night. It was the same thing as they all are. It freaks me out that I seem to have the same dream over and over, with only tiny little changes. Does this mean something? I never really believed in fate or anything, but this borders on creepy. But what if it's a sign? What do I do, then? I have no idea. Am I supposed to act the way I want to then? Or am I supposed to do as much as I can to stop it from happening? Stupid dreams.  
I would say that I wish these feelings had never started, that they would all just go away. But then again…I don't want them to leave me. I don't want to forget them. There's nothing that I would hate more than forgetting everything. And yes, even _that. _I can't act on them, though; that would be completely ridiculous, not to mention retarded. I'm not an idiot, contrary to popular belief.  
But…what the fuck do I want? I don't know what to do, but I w-_

And from there the journal entry stopped, as if Ichigo had been in the middle of writing something when he'd suddenly been called away to do something else. Renji wanted to know what the rest of the entry would've been, if perhaps Ichigo would've given more details. But none of the entries were detailed; there were all infuriatingly vague. He'd read every one of them carefully, scoured every one of them for any clue that might help Ichigo remember who he was.

With a sigh, he flipped the book shut. It was late that night, and there wasn't anything else that he was going to learn from it. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers a few times before looking out the window. It was a full moon tonight. It reminded him of the movie that had been on TV earlier; its lyrics began to throb through his head. Irritably, he stood up and walked over to the window, looking up at the moon more closely. He smiled ruefully; though this world seemed so different from the one he'd lived in his whole life, the moon and stars were always the same. They were constant, never changed.

He sighed again and turned away. So many things changed in the world. It wasn't always a good thing, but it wasn't always bad either. He didn't always want things to change. He hadn't wanted his relationship with Ichigo to change until he knew for sure that the other returned his feelings. Too late for that now. "Ichigo…" he said, 

going over to the notebook. He flipped it open to the page where he'd read that last journal entry and picked up a pen. Using his most cautious handwriting, he finished the last sentence with his own words before closing the book and then moving to prepare himself for bed. He took off his jeans and pulled on a pair of sweats instead and shrugged off his shirt. He threw those onto the floor and braided his hair quickly before pulling down the sheets on the bed and climbing into them. He was always almost instantly.

_"I just wish that you loved me back."_

* * *

Oh, angsty Renji. But this is the lowest for the entire story, angst-wise!! I promise. It can only go up from here!! So yeah, about the little Nightmare Before Christmas part...well, I was watching it the other day while I was writing this. And if you haven't seen it, you totally need to. Tim Burton is like a freaking genius and Jack Skellington is my hero. Hands down, favorite cartoon character ever. And those lyrics are part of the song "Jack's Lament" and I didn't come up with them. They're not mine, unfortunately.

Thanks again for all the reviews and faves!!

Speaking of reviews...feel free to leave one if you want!!


	14. Dream a Little Dream

Well, it's been a while since I updated last, so I figured I should probably put this little thing out, lol. As far as this chapter goes...well, I don't like it as much as I've liked other chapters, but I think it's okay, I guess. I tried to figure out another way to have this chapter change up, but I just couldn't come up with anything, haha. That's okay, though, I suppose.

Thanks again for all the reviews!! You guys are awesome!!

* * *

It had now been exactly seven days since Renji had left for the world of the living. He still wasn't back yet, and Ichigo was starting to get worried that something had happened. Everyone told him that these assignments were never very precise things, and that the time of arrival varied depending on what each team found. But saying things like that didn't make him feel any better. To put it simply, he missed the red-head.

There was absolutely nothing to do at Renji's house when you were the only person there. Occasionally, people would come by and talk to him, but generally they could only stay for an hour or so because they had their own work to do. Karin had come and visited him a day or so ago, but even she could only stay until lunch. Then she'd had to get back to her classes.

Of course there was that stupid Hollow inside him to keep him company, but he didn't particularly like talking to Shirosaki. He made Ichigo feel dumb and stupid when he constantly talked about things that Ichigo couldn't remember. He'd always taunt him, dangling things from his memories right before his nose, as if wanting him to look like an idiot and jump up to try and get them.

The one good thing that had happened this week was that he'd finally recognized his feelings for Renji. There was no point in denying it now; though, come to think of it, he wasn't sure if there had ever been any point in resisting anyways. To be honest, he didn't know precisely what love entailed; it was too powerful a force to be described by mere words. But he did know that love made you feel like you didn't need anything else. Love made you feel like as long as you had that one person by your side, you could do anything. And that was how he felt with Renji by his side.

When he'd first learned that he only had ten days to regain his memories, he'd been scared. He hadn't admitted it to anyone because that wasn't the way that he operated. But of course Renji was going to find out eventually, and when he did, nothing really changed between them. Now that Renji wasn't here, he felt slightly more vulnerable, and he didn't like it. He hated being weak, and being vulnerable was being weak. He just wanted the other man to come back so that they could resolve this whole relationship thing. That would at least be one problem solved.

**Tch, doesn't solve th' other one, King,** Shirosaki grumbled.

"Why are you in such a bad mood?" Ichigo asked, annoyed. "You've done nothing but complain for the past few days."

**In case ya hadn't noticed, King, yer almost outta time, **was the Hollow's only answer. **An' if ya lose yer memories, I'll be gone too.**

"You'll be gone?" Ichigo asked. "Like you'll die?"

There was a sigh inside his mind. **No, I ain't gonna die, **he explained. **But if ya go an' lose yer memories, then I lose all my memories too. We'd be back ta square one all over again. **

"Well, I'm trying!" Ichigo said defensively. "I don't know what to do!"

**Then try harder! Ya obviously ain't tryin' hard enough!**

"Then what would you do?" Ichigo asked savagely. "Do you have any bright ideas?"

**Anythin's better than just sittin' around like yer doin', mopin' cuz yer boyfriend ain't here ta entertain ya, **the Hollow accused.

"He's not my boyfriend," Ichigo said coldly.

**Whatever,** Shirosaki said, mentally rolling his eyes. **Ya could at least try an' do somethin' with me an' th' old man. Try an' remember somethin'. Dammit, get in a fight 'r somethin'!**

"What would fighting solve?" Ichigo asked.

**Nothin'! **the Hollow said; he was almost screaming at Ichigo now. **But at least there's a chance ya could remember yer zanpaku-to's name. An' that's better than nothin'. **

"That's not gonna work," Ichigo said. "I've been practicin' with a bunch of people from that eleventh division, and I haven't remembered anything yet. Fightin' isn't gonna solve anything."

**Fine, sit on yer ass an' lose all yer memories,** Shirosaki snapped. **Yer pathetic, King, goddamn pathetic. I almost wish I'd never been born. Then I wouldn't be stuck with a dumbass like you.**

Ichigo wanted to give the Hollow a quick retort to tell him just what he thought about that, but he found that he wasn't in the mood. He stared towards the window; the sun was just setting, sending a hue of bright colors throughout the sky. He eventually felt his eyes begin to grow heavy. He tried to fight to stay awake, but weariness overcame him, and he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Renji wasn't there when Ichigo woke up. He'd done all the normal morning things – shower, eat breakfast, get dressed – and gone outside to look for his friends, but they said there'd been no news yet. They weren't worried though, he could tell. He seemed to be the only one that was worried.

He spent the majority of the day out wondering around. He'd been here long enough to start to recognize where most things were. It didn't hurt that Shuhei had brought him a map too. It constantly stayed in his pocket, so that he wouldn't get lost. He spent some time in eleventh, where everyone seemed to like him a lot for some reason, and then went to talk to Rukia and Shuhei, who had quickly become his best friends apart from Renji.

When the sun was going down, he headed back to Renji's house. But to his surprise, there was light glowing out from the window. That was odd…he hadn't lit any candles, or left a fire burning. Frowning, he went up to the door and pushed it open. He looked around cautiously, but there wasn't anyone in the main room. He slipped inside then and shut the door behind him. Just to make sure no one was there, he went into the back bedroom. To his bewilderment, there wasn't anyone there either. So why the hell were there candles lit in the main room?

With a shake of his head, he went back into the main room and sat on the couch. For about an hour, he talked to the two spirits in his inner world. They couldn't give him any new information, and gave him no advice save to hurry up and find himself again. But that was much easier said than done. After the hour was over, he had a headache and was bone tired. So he went to the bedroom and took off his shirt before climbing into the bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

_He was in a dark, dimly lit hallway. The walls gave off a faintly grayish-white glow that was the only source of light. There were no adornments on the walls, no paintings, no lights, not even windows. It was just a never-ending hallway. He walked along the hall, letting his hands trail over the smooth stone. His footsteps made no sound on the floor. _

_He stopped in surprise when his fingertips felt something different. He turned to look where his hand was; there was a door there, a plain wooden door with a brass handle. He blinked and then moved his hand to the knob, turning it. It opened with a creak and he looked into the darkness. There wasn't a room behind it, but instead he saw images floating past in the dark._

_There was a tall man with short black hair and a scraggly bread. He was wearing what looked like a white lab coat. Beside him were two little girls – one he recognized as Karin, though much younger and with short-cropped hair. The other looked frailer, more vulnerable than Karin; she had longer, soft brown hair and big gray eyes. Both the girls were clinging to the man's body, though Karin slightly less so than the other. _

_He frowned; just as he moved his hand forward to touch the family, it suddenly ripped in half, and Karin was gone, cut out of the picture entirely. He withdrew his hand in surprise and jerked back as the door slammed shut. He tried to open it again, but it apparently was locked now. With a slight shrug, he moved on. _

_About ten yards later, there was another door. He opened this one too. Inside was a vision of Rukia, dressed in strange white robes. She looked to be suspended from some great pillar, hanging in the air with a frightened, yet strangely calm, expression on her face. He didn't know what was going on in that picture. But again, just as he reached out to touch the picture, something else happened. He saw a vision of himself jump onto the top of the stand and stick a huge sword into the top of it. Then the door slammed shut. He didn't even bother trying to see if it would open._

_Frowning now, he began to walk faster down the hallway, throwing open each door as he passed all. All of them had visions of things that looked vaguely familiar, but that he had no memories of. There were people wounded and hurt, lying in pools of their own blood, still scenes from fights, happy moments, various pictures of people that he recognized from around the Seireitei. _

_He stopped when he suddenly reached the end of the hallway. There was a big, golden door there, illuminated by a light that hung from the ceiling. He frowned, curious as to why this door was so much different than all the others. With a step forward, he looked for the handle. But there was none. It wasn't a sliding door, either. Annoyed, he just pushed on it. It groaned slightly and then began to creak open. _

_He blinked when the door moved enough so that he could see the interior of the room, for this door actually had a room behind it. But it was completely dark; there was no light. He stood there for a few moments, unsure of whether to go into the dark or not. Just as he took a step forward, he noticed the dark liquid seeping out of the room on the floor. He bent down and touched it with his fingers; it was thicker than water, thick and cloying and it gave off such a strong scent. He felt a chill go down his spine when he recognized it as blood. _

_Standing up again, he stepped into the room purposefully. Where was all this blood coming from? To his surprise, as soon as he stepped into the room, light began to suffuse it. But what he saw in the room was even worse than being in the darkness. Blood smeared the walls and ran in rivers down its sides, so much so that he couldn't even tell what color the walls had originally been. But when he saw the people, the blood seemed completely insignificant._

_All along the walls were people that he knew, people he had become friends with. They were all impaled on the walls, held there by stakes through their hands and feet. All were pale as death, hair hanging limply from heads that gave off frozen expressions of sadness. They looked like dolls more than anything. Underneath each body was a small plaque with their names written on it. He walked slowly along each wall, the horror in his gut growing as he read each name. Each set of glassy eyes seemed to be staring at him, accusative._

_His breath caught when he looked up. There was only one body on the back wall of the room. But that one body was enough to make him cry out. He screamed in horror as he rushed to the bottom of the body. He looked up. The eyes that stared down at him weren't glassy this time; they were alive, filled with pain and agony. Long crimson hair was stuck to the wall, drenched with both sweat and blood. "Ichigo…" Renji whispered quietly; his voice was completely broken._

_"Renji!" Ichigo said, shocked. "You're alive?!"_

_"I can't die," the red-head whispered tortuously. "Not until ya die first."_

_"What?" Ichigo asked. _

_"I'm bound to whatever ya do," was the quiet answer. "Ya can kill me, but I can't die by anyone else's hand. Please, Ichigo, kill me." _

_"NO!" Ichigo said. "Are you outta your mind? I can't kill you!"_

_"Why not?" Renji asked. "Please, Ichigo, do it! End this nightmare!"_

_"I can't do that," Ichigo said, shaking his head._

_"I'm begging ya, please."_

_"How can you ask me to do that?" Ichigo demanded, his heart literally hurting as he heard his best friend beg him to kill him. "I can't possibly do something like that!"_

_"Please," Renji said, continuing to beg. "Just do it."_

_"No!" Ichigo protested, taking a step back. Renji's eyes followed his movements. "I won't kill you!"_

_"Ya have to," Renji said. _

_"Or what?"_

_"Or I'll be here forever," was the red-head's answer. "Only ya can end this hell."_

_"No!" Ichigo screamed at him. "You're lying!"_

_"Am I?"_

_"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled, clapping his hands over his head. He had to get out of here; this wasn't real, it wasn't real! He turned on his heels and ran out of the room, slipping on the blood on the floor. At one point, he fell completely onto his face. The blood got in his mouth; it was sharp, metallic and acrid. He spit it out in disgust, picking himself up and continuing to run._

_"Ichigo, wait!" Renji called after him; he was so injured that his yell was no stronger than a normal speaking voice. Blood poured from his lips as he spoke louder, agitating the lacerations on his chest and throat. "Ichigo!" Ichigo ignored the yells, running down the hallway, not even noticing the tears that were falling down his face. He just had to get out of there! "Ichigo!"_

With a jerk he woke up, a stinging pain burning across his face. He blinked at the sudden pain, rubbing at his eyes to clear them. It took him a minute to realize that there his vision was fuzzy because there were tears in his eyes. Irritably, he pushed them away, looking to see what had slapped him. "Renji?" he asked quietly, his voice hoarse and cracked.

"Ichigo," Renji said, relieved. "What happened? Ya were screamin' an' thrashin' like someone was beatin' ya." He had his hands on Ichigo's forearms, to keep him from moving. "I had to slap ya to wake ya up." Well, that explained the stinging pain.

"You're here," Ichigo whispered. "You're not…it was just a dream."

"Bullshit," Renji spat out, scowling at him. "What kinda dream does that to ya?" He yanked up one of Ichigo's hands and made him unclench the fist. On his palm were crescent-shaped wounds from where his fingernails had broken the skin.

"It was just a dream," Ichigo said, the visions of said nightmare running through his mind still. Every time he looked at Renji, he saw the Renji who had been pinned to the wall, covered in his own blood. He took his hands away from Renji and wrapped them around his chest, bending over slightly as tremors began to wrack his body. "It wasn't real. It was just a dream." He said the words like a mantra.

"Ichi…" Renji said quietly. "What the hell happened?"

"It was just a dream," Ichigo said, looking up at the red-head with haunted eyes. Renji was startled by the emotions he saw in those chocolate brown pools. Ichigo looked like he'd just seen a ghost. He looked like he wanted to cry, but wasn't letting himself.

"No, don't say that," Renji said. "Let it out." He shifted a bit closer to the younger man. "Tell me what happened."

After a few moments' silence, Ichigo explained to Renji what had happened in the dream, giving his narrative in a dead and numb voice, not expressing any emotion at all. Renji listened on, growing more and more worried for Ichigo's state of mind as the retelling went on. "But it wasn't real," Ichigo said, summing it all up. He unconsciously pulled his arms closer around him. "It wasn't real."

"Course not," Renji said firmly, putting a hand on Ichigo's shoulder. "I ain't dead 'r dyin', an' I ain't gonna leave ya." He gave the muscle beneath his hand a soft squeeze. "But ya gotta let things out, Ichigo. Ya can't just hide everythin'. Don't be afraid to cry or ask for help. We ain't gonna think less of ya if ya do."

"I don't want you to die," Ichigo admitted, looking up at Renji.

"Good to know," Renji said, smirking. His smirk faded when Ichigo just looked away. "Seriously though, Ichigo, ya need to go back to sleep. Ya look like shit."

"I can't sleep," Ichigo said dully. "Not after that."

"You need to get some rest," Renji persisted firmly. "It'll do ya good."

"Do you want me to have more dreams like that?" Ichigo demanded, glaring back at Renji. "I can't sleep!"

"You're gonna get some sleep if I have to stay here all night an' force ya to!" Renji growled, scowling at the other.

"Would you?" Ichigo asked.

Renji blinked. "What?" he asked, confused by Ichigo's response.

"If you had to stay here with me for me to sleep, would you?" Ichigo asked, tilting his head slightly as if appraising Renji.

"Course I would," Renji said. Suddenly, it dawned on him that that might be what Ichigo really wanted; perhaps he just didn't know how to ask. "Do ya want me to stay?"

Ichigo flushed a little and looked away, but nodded. Renji grinned a bit before standing up. "Where are you going?" Ichigo asked, surprised.

"Just lemme change into a pair of pajamas," Renji said, digging around in the chest of drawers for a pair of sweats and a plain white t-shirt. "I'll be back in a minute 'r two." He left then for the bathroom. True to his words, a few minutes later, he was back. He threw his dirty uniform to the side of the room and laid his zanpaku-to down on the floor. Ichigo looked up at him, not sure of what he was going to do next. Renji gestured for him to move. Ichigo just stared up at him questioningly. "Move over, I ain't climbin' over ya!" Renji said.

"Oh, sorry," Ichigo said, scooting over on the sheets. Renji climbed into the bed beside him and lay down. Ichigo slowly laid down himself, putting his head on the crisp, cold pillow. "Why did you get the warm side?" he grumbled, shifting around to try and get warmer. "Now I'm freezin'."

"Well, excuse me," Renji said. "What, do ya want me to hold ya or somethin'?" He had asked the question as a joke, but when Ichigo didn't give a quick retort, he looked to the side. He saw the younger man staring at him. "What?"

"I don't care," Ichigo said, turning over suddenly so that his back was facing Renji.

Renji was completely taken aback by his answer. He…didn't care? In Ichigo's phrasing…that meant that he wanted to. Part of him was telling him not to do anything like hold Ichigo; that was close to intimate contact, too close to a thing only lovers did. But another, stronger part of him was telling him that Ichigo needed this right now. He needed the physical contact. Over time, he'd learned that the kid didn't always say what he meant. He was weird that way. He scooted closer to Ichigo and sat up a bit so that he could look over Ichigo's shoulder down into his face. "Do ya want me to?"

Ichigo, evidently not realizing exactly how close Renji was, turned over. However, his new movement put him directly underneath Renji. He flushed slightly.

"Ichigo, answer me," Renji said firmly.

"I don't care," Ichigo muttered. "I already said that."

"Do ya _want _me to?" Renji asked, stressing the word "want". "It's a yes 'r no question, Ichi."

"I just don't wanna be alone," Ichigo said after a few moments, turning his head away from the red-head.

Renji sighed; he figured that was as much of an answer as he was going to get from the stubborn guy. He rolled his eyes slightly and then lay down beside him. He flung an arm out over Ichigo's stomach and pulled him a little bit closer to him. "Just go to sleep," he said.

Ichigo couldn't help but flush a bit at the intimate contact. But it did feel nice, being in Renji's arms. It was definitely warmer this way. "Renji…" he said quietly.

"What?"

"Thanks," Ichigo murmured, surprising himself by turning his face over so that it rested in the crook of Renji's neck. He closed his eyes.

"Heh, no problem, Ichi," Renji replied after a moment. "Now go to sleep. We can talk more in the mornin'."

* * *

Eh...I still don't know whether or not I like it. It's really up to you, though, I guess, since you guys are the ones reading this story. Either way, I've already started the next part of the next chapter, so that should be out Friday or Saturday. Speaking of coming out...(no, I'm not gay XD)...I'm so excited, know why?? Well...I used to have a website where I combined all my original stories and put them out online. But one of my other friends suggested that I combine a site like that for a site with all my fanfiction on it. And I thought it was a pretty good idea. So, I now have my own website for both kinds of stories!! It's not completely up to date yet but I'm working on getting everything edited and up. It's still on line though, so the site will appear. You can visit it if you want, here's the site address, just take the parentheses out: www(.)freewebs(.)com(/)djewellz

That being said, I hope this chapter was okay and I didn't totally botch it. And sorry if his dream offended anyone...it wasn't meant to, lol.

Wanna drop a review?


	15. Can't Run Anymore

Haha, okay, so here's the next chapter!! I wasn't going to update until tomorrow but I'm just so happy that I couldn't stand it!! Why?? I just got my driver's license!! Woohoo, I'm so excited!! I know I'm getting it late, but you know - parents. -shakes head- Anyways, I like this chapter better than the last one. And it's so long!! I haven't even started the next one so I really don't know when it'll be out.

Thanks again for all the reviews!!

Also...I think that if you listen to the song "October" by Evanescence, it really helps the mood of this chapter. It's actually one of the few happier songs by them, and Amy Lee's voice is just amazing in it. Obviously, you don't have to listen to it, but I think it helps. Anyways. On with reading!!

* * *

Renji woke up the next morning after the best night's sleep he remembered having in a long time. Of course that could just be because it was the first time he'd slept in his own bed in several weeks. But he thought it was much more likely that it was because he had the object of his affections in his arms. It felt right in a way; he couldn't really explain why it felt that way. It just did.

They hadn't really shifted at all during the night. Ichigo was still pressed against his chest, his head buried in the crook of his Renji's neck. He looked like he was still asleep; it was cute, how he still wore a slight scowl even in his sleep. His mouth was slightly open, his warm breath hitting Renji's skin every few seconds.

He wasn't really sure what had happened last night to make Ichigo that vulnerable. Of course, the younger man had explained everything to him, but it wasn't the same, hearing something and experiencing it firsthand. It had to have been pretty intense though, for Ichigo to want someone to sleep in the same room with him, just to give off a comforting presence.

Not that Renji minded. Of course, he realized that once Ichigo woke up, they would go back to their normal friendship routine, and probably forget about this. He was fully prepared for that, and was just focusing on how good this felt at the moment. Live in the moment - that was a good motto for him. Carpe diem, and all that shit. He'd never heard the phrase around Soul Society, but Ichigo had mentioned it on one of his visits to the world of the living. Some phrase about seizing the day.

Suddenly, Ichigo groaned. Renji looked down at him; was he waking up? Ichigo turned slightly so that his entire body was facing Renji and burrowed closer into the warmth. Renji had to fight to keep his thoughts in check. Ichigo needed a comforting friend at the moment; definitely NOT a horny one. There was another groan a few minutes later and Ichigo flopped onto his back again. He rubbed at his eyes with a hand a few times before opening his eyes blearily.

"Renji…?" he asked, his voice still hoarse from sleep. It didn't help Renji's train of thoughts that it was a pretty sexy voice too. "What time is it?"

"Dunno," Renji said, not really wanting to move to look at the clock. "Don't care. I'm off today."

"Good," Ichigo said, sighing contentedly. "'Cause I really don't wanna move."

"Heh, ain't it a bit awkward for ya, Ichi?" Renji asked, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. He expected Ichigo to just shrug it off or make some smartass remark about how he was warm, but to his surprise, the younger man didn't say anything at all. Instead, he just looked up at Renji with a serious eye.

"Can I talk to you about that?" he asked shyly.

"'Bout what?" Renji asked, though he already had a fairly good idea what Ichigo was referring to; he couldn't help the sinking feeling that spread through his stomach. Well, this was it; he started preparing himself for when Ichigo was going to tell him that he just didn't like Renji the way Renji liked him. Preparation for rejection – what an impossible thing to prepare yourself for.

"You…and me," Ichigo said quietly. "I've been doin' some thinkin' while you were gone…and I-"

"Look, Ichigo, I get it," Renji said, smiling sadly. "It's okay, don't worry 'bout it." He pulled away and started to move to get up. "I'll just make somethin' to eat, okay?"

"Don't you dare go anywhere!" Ichigo yelled at him, grabbing him and yanking him back onto the bed. He glared at Renji angrily, who just stared back at him, confused. "I wasn't finished yet, you moron!"

"That was what ya were gonna say, though, wasn't it?" Renji asked uncertainly. "I'd rather not have ya say it out loud, Ichigo. Just lemme go." He made as if to move away again.

"It wasn't what I was gonna say, you idiot!" Ichigo said, pulling him back once again.

"Then what were ya gonna say?" Renji asked, baffled.

"If you'll just stay here for a fuckin' minute maybe I can tell you!" Ichigo snarled angrily. Renji finally consented and lay back down on his side, looking over at Ichigo. "Are you gonna listen to me, now?" he demanded. Renji nodded. "Good. Now, like I said before, I've been doin' some thinkin' while you were gone."

"Good things, I hope," Renji interjected.

"Shut up," Ichigo snapped. "Don't make this any more difficult than it has to be." Renji stopped moving and looked away forlornly. "Aw, shit, I didn't mean it that way, Renji," Ichigo said, groaning. "Come on, you know I'm not good with words."

"Just say what ya want," Renji muttered.

"I don't wanna mess it up," Ichigo said. "But…would you mind if I tried something?"

"I don't care," Renji murmured, fully expecting to be slapped or something. What he didn't expect was the pair of soft lips that pressed against his. His eyes widened as they moved back to stare at Ichigo. The younger man had his eyes closed, and there was such a peaceful expression on his face, he couldn't help but feel stunned. He was so shocked that he couldn't even kiss the other back, despite wanting to desperately.

Ichigo pulled away, his eyes opening languorously. "Are you gonna make me do all the work?" he asked softly.

"Ichigo – what are ya doin'?" Renji asked.

Ichigo just let his lips tug up in the barest of smirks before moving forward and kissing Renji again. This time, Renji responded, roughly pulling Ichigo closer to him, not hiding his need for the other. He moved his hands up to that bright, vivid orange hair, wrapping his arms around strong shoulders. He felt Ichigo's own arms wrap around his waist and pull slightly. Getting the picture, Renji rolled them over so that he was on top.

A soft groan slipped past Ichigo's lips when Renji pulled away, staring down at the younger. Ichigo stared up at him questioningly. "If you're just doin' this for some stupid reason," he warned, "just to make me happy 'r somethin'-" he broke off, unable to put his thoughts into words.

"Renji," Ichigo said, making the red-head look at him – straight at him. "Don't. Do you really think I'd be doin' this if I didn't wanna be with you?"

Renji's shrugged. "Well," he said slowly, "no, probably not."

"I want this," Ichigo said firmly. "I thought about it a lot while you were gone. It…it was different when you weren't here. And not in a good way."

"I just don't wanna make ya feel like ya have to make me happy," Renji said quietly. "I want you to be happy too, Ichigo."

"I'm happy right now," Ichigo said. "I don't have anyone else, Renji. No one else gets what I'm going through because they're not always here. Don't think I'm doing this just for you. I need it, too." He suddenly scowled up at the red-head. "And I will be damned before you take it away from me!"

"I can't believe ya think I have the strength to do somethin' like that," Renji muttered. "Ya really think I could ever leave ya?"

"Well, no," Ichigo admitted. "Not unless you thought you were helpin' me out by leavin' me. Which is dumb, by the way, so don't even think about it."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Renji said. He leaned down a bit so that he was resting his chin on Ichigo's chest. For a moment or two, they just stared at each other. But the silence was beginning to feel uncomfortable to Renji; it was awkward, instead of peaceful. Well, Ichigo didn't look uncomfortable; he looked just fine. But Renji felt weird. "What happens next?" he blurted out.

"What?" Ichigo asked absently, looking intently at him.

"Sorry, I shouldn't of-" Renji began, flushing slightly. He moved a bit to get up, but Ichigo grabbed his wrist and made him look at him.

"Whaddya mean, what happens next?" Ichigo asked. "Isn't that obvious?" Renji just blinked at him. Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Dumbass. We just see where this goes. We don't have to go fast or anything." His eyes grew puzzled for a moment. "Isn't this what you want?"

"Shit, of course, Ichi!" Renji said, running his fingers through his hair absently. "But I mean…shit, this is just a lot to take in, ya know? I mean, I've loved ya for so long that I-" He broke off, realizing what he'd just admitted, and groaned, rolling over onto his back. "Always got my goddamn foot in my mouth!"

"Renji," Ichigo said, bending over so that it was now him who was looking down at the red-head, "I already knew that. Rangiku told me."

"Rangiku?"

"Yeah, we had a…talk before you left," Ichigo admitted. "That was actually what got me thinkin' about you and me."

"You and me," Renji said thoughtfully. "I kinda like the sound of that."

"Well, good, cause you're gonna be hearin' it a lot more," Ichigo said, bending down and pressing his lips to Renji's. When he drew away, Renji had a huge smirk on his face. "What?" Ichigo asked.

"Ya know what this means, don't ya?"

"What does what mean?" Ichigo asked.

"You _are _gay," Renji pointed out.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "You're gay too though, so we're even," he pointed out.

"But I was right," Renji protested.

"And so was I!" Ichigo said, glaring at the other.

"I'm not gay!" Renji said. Ichigo just shot him an exasperated look. "Well, only for you."

"Could've fooled me," Ichigo muttered playfully.

"Hey!" Renji said, sitting up and glaring back at the other. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, look at you!" Ichigo said, sitting up as well. "Your hair is so frickin' girly it's ridiculous! What, do you condition it and everything? And I've never seen any guy focus more on what they look like than you!"

"Well, you've obviously never seen Yumichika get ready in the mornin's!" Renji snarled back. "I am _not_ girly!"

"Yes, you are, Renji," Ichigo taunted. "Or should I say Renjina?" He laughed at his own little joke.

Renji growled at him and lunged for him, pushing him over onto his back. Ichigo stopped laughing and looked up into Renji's furious face. "I am _not _a girl, an' I don't act like one either," he said menacingly. "Got that?"

Ichigo nodded. "Geez, no need to be so uptight about it," he said. "I was only kiddin' around."

"Well, don't," Renji said. "Enough people tease me 'bout the hair and shit. Don't need you startin' too." He pulled away, though he was still straddling Ichigo.

Ichigo snorted. "Guess we're two of a kind, then," he said, looking up at his own orange hair. "Not to mention everyone calls us fruits."

"Don't even start on that!"

* * *

A few hours later, after they had sufficiently woken up, showered, and eaten breakfast, they were sitting on the couch together, their sides lightly touching. Renji still couldn't believe what Ichigo had confessed earlier; it was a pleasant kind of surprise, but he couldn't help but feel as if something was going to jump out and yell "Just kidding!" at any moment. But Ichigo surely didn't seem like he was just joking around. He looked too peaceful, just sitting there next to Renji, looking at the sunbeams that danced from the window across the room.

"Oi, Ichi," Renji said suddenly. Ichigo turned his head a little to look at him. "Don't think I'm doubtin' ya 'r anythin', but…I mean…how…well, shit, how…" he broke off, unable to find a way to put his question into intelligent words.

"When did I realize I wanted this?" Ichigo asked. Renji nodded. "Well, to be honest, I probably always felt some attraction to you."

"Really?" Renji interjected, unable to keep quiet.

Ichigo blushed and nodded. "I dunno why, though," he said. "I keep thinkin' we have to have been lovers or something before I lost my memories. Because I think I always did like you that way and just didn't know it."

His answer made Renji think back to Ichigo's diary. He felt guilty for reading it, but he'd left it with Isshin. That might have been a bad move, considering how crazy the man was, but he felt that if he'd kept it, he'd feel so bad about reading it that he would've told Ichigo and then given it to him.

"At first, I just thought it was weird that I would think…things like…_that_ about you," Ichigo continued. "And it was weirder that you would like _me_ that way. But then you left the very next frickin' day. I…I missed you, Renji. I had nothin' to do except sit around; plus the stupid Hollow kept on makin' me feel like shit. And I still do kinda feel like shit."

"Why?"

"I don't have much time, Renji," Ichigo said quietly, turning to look at the red-head. "I'm almost out of it, actually." He smiled wryly. "But at least now you know how I feel."

"Don't ya even start about that!" Renji said suddenly. "You are not gonna lose your memories! You can't," he added in a quieter voice.

"I don't want to," Ichigo said. "But I have no idea what to do. That's what I did this past week. I tried to remember anything, everything. But I can't come up with anything." He leaned forward, putting his head in his heads. "And no one can help me either. I just feel like shit."

"Ichi," Renji said, moving forward. "Look…I dunno how to really say this an' all…but even if ya can't remember anythin'…I'll still always be here for ya…ya know that, right?" He wrapped his arms around Ichigo's shoulders, drawing him tight against him. "I ain't gonna leave ya."

"Yeah," Ichigo said, leaning into the comforting embrace. "I know." They sat there like that for a few moments, just taking in the other's warmth, the ease the presence brought. He laid his head down on Renji's shoulder then, not wanting to look feminine, but still desiring as much contact as he could get. Suddenly, a thought came into his head. What…what if he did lose his memories? Would he be a completely different person?

Of course he would be taught things, and there were certain things that wouldn't change about him. Or at least, that was what that Urahara person had said. But what would it do to his existing relationships with people? The friendships that he'd reformed…would they all be gone? And what about his new relationship with Renji? Would that be gone too? But they'd only just started to be together. He didn't want to miss out on anything. He wanted something to remember Renji by…just in case.

"Renji," he said softly. He paused as he considered how to tell the red-head what he wanted. There shouldn't be any objections. Renji was a rather…well, a rather physical person…surely he wouldn't have any objections. But how did one just ask for something like that? All the ways he was coming up with were incredibly awkward.

"Yeah?" Renji prompted after about a minute of silence had passed. "What is it?"

"I…I wanna ask you to do something," Ichigo said uncertainly. He raised his head and looked up at the other. "For me."

"Sure, what?" Renji said easily, frowning down at him.

"Will…will you…geez, this is harder than I thought," he said, breaking off with a flush.

Renji's confusion only deepened. "Will I what?"

Ichigo turned to look at him, considering things for a moment. Renji wasn't the world's brightest thinker; he knew that. But he'd responded pretty well to physical demonstrations before… Without a further thought, he launched himself over and captured Renji's lips with his own, displaying a ferocity that shocked even himself. Renji seemed taken aback at first, but responded eagerly enough, pushing back against his lips fervently.

Wrapping his arms around Renji's waist, Ichigo moved so that he was straddling Renji. Renji made the movement easy for him, leaning up a bit to accommodate his added height. Ichigo was glad that Renji hadn't pulled his hair up yet; he moved his fingers up to run through it, scratching lightly at the other's scalp as he petted the silken strands.

Renji moaned and broke away. "Ichi…" he said, looking at his new lover with half-dazed eyes, "what's this all about?" He leaned forward so that his forehead was pressed against Ichigo's shoulder. He rotated his head so that his lips just barely touched the other's neck. He pressed his lips there gently. "Not that I mind," he quickly clarified.

"I want you," Ichigo said quietly. He waited until Renji's head slowly rose up to look at him straight on. He flushed at the intensity in those reddish-brown orbs. "My first time…I want it to be with you. And I wanna have it before I have a chance to lose my memories." He had a feeling that he sounded pathetic, like he was begging. But to be completely honest, he was. He'd never wanted something so badly in his entire life (well, what he remembered of it, anyways). He wouldn't want anyone but Renji to have that from him.

Renji stared at him for a moment, his gaze calculating. But he nodded. "Come on, then," he said, standing up. Ichigo, afraid of falling to the ground, threw his arms around Renji's shoulders. The red-head chuckled and put his own arms around Ichigo's back, pulling him closer to him. "I ain't gonna drop ya," he murmured into Ichigo's ear.

"I wasn't worried about that, you bastard," Ichigo muttered. "I didn't know what you were gonna do. You could've warned me that you were getting up!"

Renji kicked the door to his bedroom open and deposited Ichigo down on the bed before going back to close it. When he turned around again, Ichigo felt something stir inside him when he saw the gaze in Renji's eyes. It was so…intense, so hot and so passionate. It was love, mixed with lust and desire and the passion that was uniquely Renji Abarai.

The red-head walked over to the bed and climbed on, straddling Ichigo. "Are ya sure ya wanna do this?" he asked. "We don't have to…"

Ichigo shook his head vehemently. "I don't have much time," he said. "I want you – now." He looked up and shot Renji a firm gaze. "Please, Renji…I want it to be you…it has to be you."

"Why?" Renji said, leaning forward so that his hair dangled over the other's face like a concealing curtain of red velvet.

"I…I love you," Ichigo admitted. He felt something swell to near bursting within his chest when he saw the expression that crossed Renji's face. The only word he could possibly find to describe it was bliss. Slowly, with an almost excruciating tenderness, Renji reached out and put his hands on the sides of Ichigo's face. Never once tearing his eyes away from Ichigo's own chocolate brown orbs, he leaned down and kissed the other.

His lips were soft and yearning, slightly aggressive, but not overly demanding or pushy. Ichigo responded eagerly to the kiss, keeping his eyes open as well. It was a strange thing, seeing all the emotions as the passed through Renji's eyes: lust, desire, pure heat, sensuality, passion, but most of all, love. Renji poured himself into everything he did with a passion that most people found staggering, including Ichigo. It was astounding to him now that he found Renji could also be gentle, his fingers moving lightly against Ichigo's face with feather-like touches, graceful and soothing.

Finally, his eyes slipped closed when Renji's tongue poked at his bottom lip, wanting entrance. He complied immediately, letting the other completely explore his mouth. Every nook and cranny…he offered it up completely. He wanted Renji to have every part of him, every single little tiny part. He was Renji's. He moved his hands unconsciously to Renji's forearms, moving his fingers up and down the smooth skin. It was riddled with tiny scars and bumps, but that only made it more interesting.

Renji moaned into the kiss at the touches, lowering his body so that he was almost lying on top of the other. The desire for contact was overpowering all other senses. Luckily for him, his own shirt was already off. But Ichigo's…that problem had to be remedied. Renji broke away, panting, sitting up just enough that he could pull Ichigo's shirt off. Ichigo brought his hands over his head, making it easier for the red-head. He flushed when Renji stared at his chest, drinking in the sight of him. "What?" he asked, embarrassed by the other's rapt attention.

"You're just so…beautiful, Ichi," Renji murmured, bringing his lips down to touch the skin of Ichigo's chest. His mouth was like fire to Ichigo; flames burned wherever his mouth touched. He gasped when that mouth found one of his nipples, capturing it with sharp teeth. When the red-head began to suck on it, he moaned. Who would've ever thought that such an action could feel so good, so sinfully delicious?

"Mmm…'m not…not beautiful," Ichigo murmured out, wrapping his arms underneath Renji's arms and grasping his shoulders. One of Renji's hands had moved up to his other nipple, playing with it as the other one was teased with his teeth. He gasped in pleasure when Renji bit down, hard enough to draw blood. The noise turned into a moan when Renji licked at it apologetically, stemming the bloodflow.

Renji relinquished his current position, dragging his lips up to lick at Ichigo's neck. Ichigo could feel his breathing becoming more and more erratic, his lust growing with each touch. "Yes, ya are, Ichi," Renji whispered in his ear before he licked the shell of cartilage. "You're so fuckin' beautiful it hurts." He then pulled Ichigo's earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it.

Ichigo moaned again. He'd never realized that such little things could make a person feel so good. Even when he touched himself, even in his wildest fantasies…he couldn't come even close to the real thing. This feeling…it was so strong, so overwhelming, that it would've scared him if it wasn't for Renji being right there with him. But it suddenly dawned on him that Renji was doing all the work. Surely he should do something back!

Using what strength he had in his muscles – which were currently in a semi-jelly-like state – he rolled over so that he was the one on top of Renji. The red-head broke away, looking confused. "Ichi, what-?" he broke off with a heady moan as Ichigo began to reciprocate Renji's teasing, loving gestures. He licked his way down Renji's tattoos, loving the way the slightly sweaty skin tasted. It was salty, but there was something else there, too – something uniquely Renji. Ironically, it was spicy.

"Ichi…" Renji said, groaning with pleasure as Ichigo moved lower and lower, licking glistening trails over his abdominal muscles. The noises his lover was making only made Ichigo hotter. He made his way back up to kiss Renji again, letting the other retake control. There would be other times for him to take over...hopefully.

Renji broke away suddenly. He ran his hands down Ichigo's sides before he finally settled on the band of his sweatpants. He waited just a moment before pulling them down and throwing them out of the way. Normally, Ichigo would've felt exposed in nothing but his boxers, but at the moment, he didn't care. He didn't care if Renji saw him; in fact, he _wanted _to be seen. A few seconds later and his boxers joined the pants on the floor. He shivered when the cold air hit him, looking up at Renji.

The red-head was shedding his own pants as quickly as possible. After the interfering clothing articles had been removed he leaned back up to Ichigo, kissing him. He lowered himself as well, until his hips ground down into Ichigo's, making both of them moan at the friction. "God, Renji…" Ichigo breathed out, clutching at the other's shoulders. "Do that again!"

Renji obeyed willingly, increasing the pace of his thrusts. Ichigo felt as if there was fire coursing through his veins; he had never felt this way before, so hot and lustful and absolutely deliciously sinful. He wanted Renji so bad. He broke away from his lover's lips with a pant. "Renji…" he said breathlessly.

"Yeah?" the red-head asked, stopping his movements and looking down at Ichigo through hazy eyes.

"Please…just fuck me already," Ichigo managed out. "I can't…you're killin' me here." He shuddered when Renji leaned down and licked a long trail from his collarbone to the hollow right behind his ear. He felt the other lean over slightly and heard a drawer on the nightstand open. It suddenly dawned on him the seriousness of the act they were about to do. He'd never had sex with anyone before. He didn't want to seem like some clueless virgin…but he was, in all honesty.

"Ichi…" Renji murmured. "You've never done this before." It wasn't a question. Ichigo heard something flip open, but since his eyes were closed, he didn't see anything. "Open your eyes." Ichigo hesitantly opened his eyes, looking up to see the other looking down at him. Renji leaned down and kissed him gently on the mouth. "This might hurt a bit, but it'll get better," he warned. Ichigo nodded slowly, watching as Renji poured a little bit of the scented oil he'd taken out of the drawer on his fingers.

He lay back down on the sheets, making himself comfortable as Renji crawled between his legs. He shuddered when he felt something cool and slick circle around his entrance; his body told him to jerk away, and he had to force himself to stay still. He gasped when the first finger slipped inside. It…didn't necessarily hurt as much as it felt awkward. Things weren't supposed to go _in _there! But soon, Renji was kissing him deeply, taking his mind off what the red-head's fingers were doing.

He moaned when a second finger joined the first. That one twinged a bit. But Renji compensated for that too when he used his tongue to start probing around in Ichigo's mouth. He had just gotten used to it when Renji added yet another finger. He gasped in surprise and clenched his eyes shut. It was just such a strange feeling!

But then those fingers curled, hitting that one special spot in him that made him see stars. He gasped loudly, arching his back up off the bed. His vision momentarily went completely white and pleasure flooded his mind. When he could think again, he looked up at Renji. "What the hell was that?"

Renji smirked, withdrawing his fingers. "That's your prostate," he said, looking down at Ichigo teasingly. "Ya seriously didn't know that?"

Ichigo flushed. "Shut up," he said. Of course, he knew that! Hadn't the idiot ever heard of rhetorical questions?!

Renji just sniggered and opened up the cap to the oil again, obviously moving to coat his own member with it. But Ichigo stopped him just as he was about to pour the oil onto his fingers. Renji looked over at him questioningly. "Let…let me do it," Ichigo said, flushing. The red-head paused for a moment, but passed him the bottle easily enough.

Ichigo poured the slick, sweet-smelling oil out onto his hands and hesitantly reached out to touch Renji. The other groaned as soon as his hands touched skin. "Ichigo…" Ichigo took that as his signal to keep going. Once he was finished, he drew away, wiping the excess oil on the sheet. Then he lay back, putting his head on the pillow. Renji followed his movement, kissing him slowly and sensually. He drew back looking into Ichigo's eyes. "I love ya, Ichigo."

Ichigo's only response was to take one of Renji's hands and clasp their fingers together. That apparently drove Renji wild because he suddenly picked Ichigo up by the hips, raising him up and lining himself up at the other's entrance. "Ya ready?" he asked. Ichigo only nodded. Slowly, Renji pushed inside, going until he was all the way in before stopping to let Ichigo adjust.

Said strawberry groaned at the intrusion; he felt like he was literally being split apart. All he could think of at that moment was that Renji had better be right about the getting better part! Once he felt as if he was ready, he whispered, "Move." Renji complied, pulling back before slamming back in. Ichigo groaned at the feeling. Sure enough, the burning sensation was beginning to fade, being replaced by a pleasurable warmth.

Renji started out slow, thrusting into his lover until the other was used to it. "Faster," Ichigo choked out, clenching the sheets beneath him at the myriad of sensations flooding through his body. Renji suddenly altered his movements so that he slam back all the way to reach that one spot. Ichigo arched up off the bed at that, throwing his head back in a silent scream. "Do that…again," he breathed out.

The red-head groaned at the pleasure he was feeling. "Ichi…ya feel so good," he said, leaning down to capture the other's lips in a fierce kiss. He hit that spot again, Ichigo actually screaming that time. "I love ya so…damn…much." Sensing that neither of them were going to last much longer, he reached down between them and grabbed Ichigo's neglected member, pumping it in time with his thrusts.

"RENJI!" Ichigo gasped. "I'm-" he broke off in a wordless moan as he finally came, falling back onto the bed. The sound of his lover releasing brought Renji over the edge, coming all over Ichigo's stomach with a growl of his lover's name. He dropped down onto the other man, exhausted. They lay there like that for a moment, just catching their breath.

Once Renji had regained the use of his limbs, he rolled off of Ichigo and moved to his side, pulling Ichigo against him. The younger curled up against Renji, pushing his head into the crook of the red-head's neck. "That…that was incredible," he breathed out, his chest still heaving.

Renji chuckled and reached down to pull the sheet up to cover them. "So much for goin' slow," he observed, throwing an arm over Ichigo's waist. The younger flushed scarlet, but didn't say anything. He was too happy to care. And like that, the two of them drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Yay, finally a happy chapter!! Hopefully this one's okay too. I know, I know...15 chapters in and we're JUST NOW getting to the sex? Yeah...I know XD. Anyways, the next few chapters will be the main point of the series. And there might just be more sex too!! We'll just have to wait and see, hehe.

Review?


	16. Have Ya Heard the News That You're Dead?

Ah, it's here!! The climatic turn of the series!!  
Wow...that's incredibly corny XD. Anyways, I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow, but we have a field trip to some random place out in the country - fIeLD tRIp!! - so I figured I should post it today since I'll be exhausted when we get back to civilization again. We're going hiking. Yeah, I can't see me hiking either XD.

Thanks again for all the reviews!!

* * *

Later on that afternoon, Renji was pulled from his peaceful slumber by the orange-haired man moving around in his arms. He groaned, bringing up a hand to rub his eyes a bit. He opened his eyes a few moments later, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. Ichigo had just woken up too, if the dazed expression on his face was any indicator. Renji couldn't help but grin at the cute expression on his face, and bent down to press a soft kiss to his cheek.

"Mornin'," he said. He frowned, remembering what time of day it was. "Eh, probably shoulda said good afternoon." He looked over his shoulder at the clock. "Shit, three-thirty already?" He turned back to look down at Ichigo. "Guess we really wore ourselves out," he said, smirking mischievously.

Ichigo flushed and rolled over, burying his head in the pillow. "Don't say it like that!" he said, clearly embarrassed.

"Ah, c'mon, Ichi, I'm only kiddin' around," Renji said, sitting up. His stomach rumbled angrily and his smirk turned into a grimace. "But holy fuck, I'm starvin'!" He yanked the covers off and got out of the bed, pulling on a pair of pants. "Ya want somethin' to eat?"

"Sure," Ichigo said, sitting up as well. He yawned hugely then, stretching his arms out above his head. They fell back in his lap on the downward motion. Renji, who was passing by at that moment, reached out suddenly and grabbed his chin, bringing him in for a quick, fierce kiss. Ichigo spluttered, pulling back. "What was that for?" he demanded of a smirking Renji.

"Eh, couldn't help it," Renji said, shrugging. "You're just so frickin' adorable."

He laughed when Ichigo growled at him and stood up, taking the sheet with him. He only laughed harder when Ichigo shoved him against the wall as he passed by on his way to the bathroom. "I'm takin' a shower," he ground out. "Just get me when you're done." He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Still snickering, Renji stood up straight and walked out into the kitchen. He began to get out all the necessary ingredients and cooking utensils that he'd need to make the food. He actually wasn't a bad cook, despite what some people tended to think. Hell, he'd had to learn, as bad as the standard division cafeteria food was. Well...it wasn't bad, but it didn't have any flavor. Personally, he preferred flavor – though nothing spicy, of course.

Just as he finished cutting everything up, he heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. He couldn't help but grin when he thought about Ichigo. His wildest dreams had come true. It was surreal right now. He couldn't believe that Ichigo felt the same way about him that he felt about Ichigo. Ichigo loved him. Ichigo _loved _him! It was almost unfathomable.

And what had happened this morning…did he even need to explain that? It hadn't been the roughest sex or the gentlest. But the emotions behind the actual act…that was what had made it unique for him. He'd had sex with lots of people over the years. But he'd never really made love with anyone until just this morning. All the lovers he'd had in the past…those relationships paled beside what he felt for Ichigo. There just was no comparison. It was like comparing a lake to an ocean.

Having finished cooking everything, he split it up into two portions and put it onto plates. Too hungry to wait for Ichigo, he just sat down and began eating. God, he'd never been so hungry before in his life! He knew that sex could make you hungry, considering all the energy you expended, but…damn. He always forgot exactly how much it affected you.

Suddenly, he heard a loud thud. Frowning, he set his now empty plate down on the table. It sounded like it had come from the bathroom. But Ichigo couldn't have fallen or something…could he have? He wasn't that uncoordinated. He waited a few minutes to see if the water turned off or Ichigo cursed. But there was nothing. Starting to get concerned, he stood up and walked down the hall to the bathroom. He knocked twice, laying his hand on the knob.

"Ichigo?" he called out. "Everything okay in there?"

There was no response.

He knocked again. "Seriously, Ichigo, say somethin'!" he said with a frown, starting to get annoyed.

Still, there was no answer.

"Dammit, Ichigo!" Renji said, yanking the door open so hard that it slammed against the opposing wall. "Answer me!" His eyes widened at what he saw. Ichigo was laying face-down in the shower cubicle, not moving, with blood seeping out from a cut on his head. "Shit!" Renji cursed, rushing forward and turning off the water. He dropped to his knees and picked Ichigo up, turning him over.

The other man was completely unresponsive. Renji frantically shook him a bit. "Ichigo, wake up!" he said. Nothing happened. "What s' matter with you?" he demanded, knowing full well that he wasn't going to get a response. Starting to get worried now, he bent down to lean his ear to Ichigo's chest. There…there was still a heartbeat, albeit a very faint one.

With another curse, he stood up and dragged Ichigo into the bedroom, putting clothes on him and then dragging a shirt on himself as well. It felt as if he were dressing a ragdoll. Luckily, the wound on the other's head wasn't serious; head wounds always bled a lot. Without further delay, he slung the limp form over his shoulder and bounded out the door, using shunpo to get him to the fourth division relief center as quickly as possible.

People stared as he entered the building, dragging a very pale Ichigo behind him. Isane saw him – and the worried, frantic look on his face – and ran off to get her Captain. Only a few moments later, Unohana strode briskly into the room, a concerned frown on her face. She paled when she saw Ichigo hanging limply in Renji's arms. "This way, bring him quickly!" she cried out, turning around and motioning to the nearest available room. "Put him on the bed!"

Renji did as he was told before moving out of the way as Unohana and Isane began dragging medical equipment into the room, hooking up various monitors and then sticking needles into the unconscious man's arms. Beeping noises soon filled the quiet of the room. Unohana was going over Ichigo's body with her careful, probing fingers and watchful eyes, listing random things to Isane, who was scrawling things down on a clipboard as fast as she could.

After she was finished and Isane had been sent off to retrieve some more supplies, Unohana looked over at Renji. "Renji…" she said softly, "what happened?"

"I dunno," the red-head said. "I was makin' somethin' to eat in the kitchen an' he was takin' a shower. He just collapsed an' when I went in the other room, I found him like this." He gestured to Ichigo's unconscious form. "Can ya tell what's wrong with him?"

Unohana shook her head bitterly. "Physically, nothing seems out of the ordinary," she said. "But mentally…Isane's gone to look into procuring the equipment necessary to monitor his brain activity. I think that perhaps one of the cortexes in his brain is shutting down because of the effect of Urahara's memory restoration techniques."

Renji felt his blood ran cold. "Then, ya mean…this is it?" he asked, his voice suddenly rough with emotion. Unohana nodded. "But, h-he can't! He can't lose his memories! Not now!"

"I'm sorry, Renji," Unohana said gently. "There is nothing we can do now if this is indeed what is happening. It's all up to Ichigo now. This is an internal struggle, and only he can win. This is one battle that we cannot fight for him. We can't even help him. I will be back in a moment." She turned then and left the room.

Renji looked down at Ichigo – his friend, his _best _friend…his lover. He sank down into one of the chairs by the bed, dragging it over until he was right beside Ichigo. He grimaced when he saw all the needles sticking in Ichigo's arms, monitoring various things and making sure that he stayed properly hydrated. It was so…it just wasn't right. It wasn't right, seeing Ichigo like this, pale and unconscious. It hadn't been right during the war, and it certainly wasn't any more right now.

He reached out hesitantly and took one of Ichigo's hands, wrapping his long fingers around it. "Ichi…" he said quietly, not caring to go and check to see if anyone was listening in on him, "ya gotta make it through this. You can do it, I know ya can. This is nothin', nothin' compared to some o' the shit we've pulled before." He paused. "Please, Ichi…just don't…don't forget everything. Don't forget…me."

* * *

Ichigo woke up slowly, staring up at the cloudy sky. He blinked. Where…where was he? He was lying on his back on a surface that definitely wasn't a bed. It was hard and smooth. He turned his head a bit, looking down to his side. He was surprised to see glass. Did that mean he was in his inner world, then? But how he'd get here? He hadn't come here on purpose…

Suddenly, there was a furious scream. He looked up to see that Hollow stalking towards him, an absolutely murderous expression on his face. He moved himself into a sitting position, wondering absently why the other was so upset. He was surprised when the Hollow yanked him up viciously off the ground, wrapping a hand tightly around his neck.

"What the fuck 'r ya doin'?" Shirosaki bellowed, seething with rage. "Yer outta time, you pathetic bastard!"

"W-what are y-you talkin' about?" Ichigo asked, spluttering at the tight hold around his neck. "S-Shirosaki, let g-go of me!"

The Hollow growled at him. "Like hell I will!" he yelled. "Thanks to you, we're dyin', you pathetic fuck! Ya lost! Look at this place!" Ichigo just continued clawing at the hand around his throat, trying to loosen its grip. "I said LOOK AT THIS PLACE!" the Hollow bellowed, setting him on the ground and smacking his head around so that he could look at the sideways buildings.

Dazed from the blow, Ichigo looked around. He frowned when he realized that the buildings were slowly but surely collapsing. What was going on? There'd never been a sign that the buildings were unstable. It suddenly dawned on him that this was why his Hollow was mad at him – his inner world was collapsing because his memories were fading. The final attack on that particular part of his brain was finally starting.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, no, no!" He backed away a few steps and then looked around wildly. "Where's the old man?" he demanded. "What the hell is goin' on?"

"I am here, Ichigo," a resounding voice said. Ichigo turned around slowly to see the old man standing there calmly, his face somewhat forlorn. "You are running out of time. But there is still hope. You must remember."

"But how?!" Ichigo asked. "I've been tryin' to remember for days and nothin's coming back to me! How the hell am I supposed to pull this one off?" He was panicking, and he knew it, but really, what was he supposed to do? He didn't want to forget everything; especially not now. He'd have to be taught everything all over again, like some pathetic little baby.

"Ichigo!" the old man's voice was sharp. He nodded to the Hollow – who was now right behind Ichigo – and the young man suddenly felt something cold and strong clamp onto his arms, pulling them behind his back and forcing him to his knees. Ichigo thrashed wildly for a moment until he realized that it Shirosaki that was restraining him. "This is not the time to lose your head!" the old man continued. "You must think clearly if you are to have any chance of redeeming your memories!"

"Yeah, okay," Ichigo said, nodding. He knew that the old guy was right. He took a few deep breaths to get his heart rate back to normal and then looked up. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"Remember somethin', goddamit!" the Hollow behind him growled.

"Think back, think of everything that you have learned about Soul Reapers since Renji and the others found you," the old man instructed, in a firm but quick tone of voice. "You must find some way to connect what you have learned with what you already know. Think of your dreams!"

Ichigo blinked at that, pausing in his memory searching. "My…dreams?" he asked. "What do they have to do with anything?"

"Dreams reveal more than one might think," the old man said. "Subconsciously, your body can tell you things that you wish to know. Take those dreams and match them with what you have been told about Soul Reapers."

"Alright," Ichigo said, closing his eyes and concentrating hard. He went back to that one dream, the horrible one with Renji crucified to a wall. He went back, before the visions had turned bad, to when he'd been seeing pictures in the doorways. He saw Rukia high above the air in white robes. He saw himself stabbing a huge sword into a tall platform. He saw a picture of what he assumed was his family.

And what had he learned about Soul Reapers? The Thirteen Court Guard Squads, zanpaku-to, shunpo, kido…he thought of all the times he'd practiced sparring with the members of the eleventh division, Renji's zanpaku-to and its transformation to shikai. He thought of how everyone seemed to fear and respect him. He thought of the Vizards, and Shinji, who had told him about his inner Hollow.

But nothing was linking!

He stubbornly shook his head, bending down over his bent knees. There had to be something, one pinnacle memory that would set off the chain reaction! But what could it be? It wasn't Renji; that much he knew. Renji wasn't the cause of all this; Renji was the reason he needed to succeed in regaining these memories. No, it was someone else, someone he'd known longer but trusted just as much as Renji. There had to be one person who could set off that chain reaction.

"There has to be someone!" he said out loud.

"What're ya mumblin' 'bout, King?" Shirosaki asked, bending down close to Ichigo's ear.

"There has to be someone who can set off that chain reaction you were talkin' about," Ichigo said, looking up at the old man. "There is, isn't there?" The old man nodded. Ichigo made a sound of frustration. "But who the hell is it?"

Someone he knew, someone he trusted. Renji was out, he knew that. From what Shuhei had told him, they'd really only met during the war, when they'd been forced to work together. That threw him out too. But who…his eyes widened. "Rukia," he murmured quietly. "Rukia. It's Rukia!" He was yelling now. He stood up suddenly, brushing the Hollow off his arms. He was staring at the man across from him now. "Rukia did this to me!"

"Did what?" the Hollow inquired.

Ichigo blinked. "I dunno," he said finally. "But it was her! She's the key to all of this!"

"Hurry, Ichigo," the old man warned. "You don't have much time left!"

Ichigo left his hands wander up to his head in confusion, pulling at his orange hair. "What's she got to do with this?" he questioned himself. For some reason, the vision of her in white robes, hanging high above the ground wouldn't seem to get out of his head. He tried pushing it away, but it kept coming back unbidden. Finally, he just accepted it and focused on the picture. Why was she in the air? Why did she look calm, yet slightly afraid? What was going on?

Suddenly, he remembered a conversation he'd had with Rukia on the day when Renji and the others had found him. He played back the words exchanged in his mind, focusing hard now. He had to get this!

_"Oh, come on, how do you think you met all of us? It was my fault. You know, you came to rescue me when I was going to be executed. I made you a Soul Reaper."_

That was it!

The revelation of those words – spoken by Rukia several weeks ago – brought Ichigo to his knees. A sudden pain in his head blocked out all other conscious thought. It was agonizing, rending and absolutely gut-wrenching. It was nothing like when he'd regained his memories of Chad and Renji. That was like comparing a papercut and a slash made by a huge sword.

He screamed as the feeling took over his entire body – it was raw, hot and viscous, as if vitriolic lava was being pumped through his veins. He fell to his knees and clutched at the glass as he did his best to work through it. But it was hard. It was the most intense feeling he'd ever felt, all-encompassing and exhausting. He couldn't even move, the pain was so intense. All he could do was scream and scream and scream until his lungs cried with frustration. His fingernails dug tiny trenches into the glass, so hard was he raking his hands across the surface.

It was like hell had come early.

* * *

Renji watched as Unohana scribbled down some numbers and facts on the charts in her hands. Every so often, she'd look up to see if anything had changed on the screens that were monitoring Ichigo's statistics. But nothing had changed. It was as she had said. Physically, there was nothing wrong with him. But the brain scan she'd performed on him about an hour ago had proved her theories right: his brain activity had increased tenfold.

He sighed lightly and looked down at his hand, still entwined with Ichigo's, laying on the white sheets limply. He had meant to let go when Unohana had reentered the room, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't care what others thought anymore, he didn't care who knew. He just wanted to keep that contact with Ichigo; perhaps he was subconsciously there with Ichigo, wherever his mind was at the moment. He knew it was a stupid thought, but it made him feel more comfortable.

Suddenly, there was a loud gasp and Ichigo's entire body arced up off the bed. Renji looked up, startled. Had Ichigo woken up?! …No, his eyes were still closed. But…he looked like he was in pain. Unohana laid her charts down and drew closer, frowning. Then, a blood-curdling scream was ripped from the orange-haired man's mouth, loud and ear-shattering.

Renji recoiled involuntarily at the harshness of the emotions in the scream. Unohana immediately went over to his side, looking at the monitors frantically as they went completely haywire. Isane burst into the room as well, looking to see what she could do to help. Over his initial shock, Renji stood and moved to the bedside, grabbing onto the man's shoulder. "Ichigo?" he questioned. "Can ya hear me?"

If Ichigo heard him, he gave no sign of it. He began to thrash around wildly, still screaming like a wild animal. "Restrain him!" Unohana commanded, both to Renji and Isane. "Don't let him jerk around like that! He'll hurt himself!" Renji immediately hopped onto the bed and sat on one of the legs, pinning the arm above it with his hands. Isane did much the same on Ichigo's other side.

"What's happening?" Isane asked, frightened.

"He's going into shock," Unohana said. "But I can't do anything while he's in this state!" She looked torn between decisions, as if she couldn't quite figure out what she was supposed to do. Renji couldn't be mad at her; he had no idea what to do either.

Ichigo sucked in a huge breath of air and then let out a scream unlike any of the others before it. It was desperate, it was wild, it spoke of rage and defiance and pain and agony. And along with it, his reiatsu flared wildly, spiraling higher and higher as it climbed up to peaks that had even Renji gasping for air.

And then…just as wildly as this fit had begun…it stopped. Isane slumped over, clearly exhausted. Renji, breathing heavily, looked up at Ichigo. There was no sign that anything had happened. He had fallen back on the bed, completely limp. His reiatsu was back to its normal level.

"What's goin' on?" he demanded Unohana.

"I have no idea," the quiet Captain commented. "It must have something to do with what's going on in his inner world." She looked up at the screen that was monitoring his brain activity. "That's…strange," she said, commenting on the patterns. "His brain activity…it's decreasing."

"Decreasing?" Renji repeated, a horrible feeling growing in his stomach.

"Yes," the Captain reaffirmed. "It's almost as if he's…no." She looked down at Ichigo then, a horrified expression on her face. "No, it can't have happened that quickly!" She suddenly grabbed Ichigo's face, looking down into it. "It can't be…" she whispered.

"Be what?" Renji asked frantically. What the hell was going on here?!

"Renji," Unohana said, slowly letting Ichigo's head fall back onto the pillow. She looked over at him, shock clearly written on her face. "He's…he's braindead."

* * *

Ahh...yes, I know I am so evil!! Leaving it there...that is mean, isn't it? -cringes- But the next chapter should be out Friday!! So you won't have to wait too awfully long for it!! But don't worry...this story has a happy ending (and take that however you want to, lol) so nothing horrible happens. I don't write tragedies, so don't expect anyone important to die.

Tehe, wanna review and tell me how much cliffhangers suck? -avoids random things being thrown at her-

But I promise - FRIDAY!! I will have the next chappie done!!


	17. Resolve

Well, I decided to update early XD. I knew you guys wouldn't mind, especially after that cliffhanger!! I know, I know, evil is my middle name. Blame George, my evil muse. Anyways, this is the next to last chapter. So sad. -_sniffles_- It's almost over!! That's kind of sad. But there's gonna be a sequel!! And I'm super excited about writing that one. Because it won't be as angsty, and there won't be very many cliffhangers.

Anyways, thanks again for all the reviews!! The last chapter should be out either this weekend or early next week.

* * *

"Braindead?" Renji repeated. Even though he knew what the word meant, his brain seemed to be having a hard time processing the meaning. How could Ichigo be braindead? Shouldn't he have just lost his memories? He was still completely confused about what was going on.

"His brain activity is at minimal levels," Unohana explained sadly, pointing to one of the monitors. "Do you see this?" Renji nodded. "His brain is only functioning at the base level, only just keeping his body in a state of homeostasis. You might say that he has been reduced to a comatose state."

"But…how?" Renji asked. He was completely floored. This couldn't be happening. He'd just spoken to Ichigo this morning. It was impossible! What was going on?!

"I do not know," the Captain said, shaking her head. "It's quite possible that he'll come out of this. Comas are serious, but they can be overcome. Your lieutenant was in one several years ago. Do you remember?"

Renji nodded. "But this ain't the same," he said. "Aizen did that to her. What caused this?" He motioned down at Ichigo's limp body.

"It must be something going on in his inner world," Unohana explained. "Do you remember when you brought him to our division several weeks ago for treatment?" Renji nodded again. "That gash was inflicted by a zanpaku-to. Since he was in your care and you didn't do that to him, the only logical explanation is that his inner Hollow did that to him." Renji's eyes flickered nervously to Isane – who still didn't know of that particular secret – but she was still out of it from the burst of reiatsu earlier. "Perhaps this is something similar."

"I'll kill that Hollow," Renji growled out, clenching his fingers around the sheets on the bed. "He's dead the next time I see him!"

"Renji, don't be rash," Unohana warned him. "I don't know if that's what's causing this. It has something to do with his inner world, yes. That is unquestionable. But I do not know if it malignant, or just a facet of a healing process that his own body is creating. We will just have to wait and see what happens in the next day or so."

"So he might not really be braindead?" Renji asked hopefully.

"No," she replied. "I have studied the way that Urahara's memory restoration technique works. It strips the person in question of all memories and then slowly regenerates them. Perhaps what we are seeing now is the complete wipe of his mind."

"Maybe," Renji allowed, looking back down at Ichigo.

"I am going to go and get a few things since Isane seems to be out for a moment," Unohana continued. "Notify me immediately if the situation changes." She flicked her eyes to the monitor once to tell him what she meant; he nodded in understanding, and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Renji sighed and sat down on the bed. "I swear, Ichi, you're the worst at comin' up with shitty situations," he said. "I'm beatin' up your ass later." There was no response. "Just make sure ya get out of this."

* * *

Back in his inner world, Ichigo stared blankly up at the sky. He felt so…numb. He felt completely and blissfully numb. The pain had ceased to plague him. Now he felt nothing. There was nothing to think of, nothing to hear, nothing to bother him. For the first time in weeks, he felt completely peaceful.

The pain that had been so intense just moments earlier wasn't there now. It was completely gone, leaving just as quickly as it had come on. Now, there was a strange absence in his mind. He closed his eyes, and immediately there was a barrage of images floating across his mind's eye. They were visions, moving pictures with words and actions – his memories. And they all focused on one person: Rukia.

_"It's close."_

_WHAM! Suddenly, Rukia went flying across the room as Ichigo kicked her roughly. "Hah! How's that for close, jerk?!" he crowed triumphantly as she hit the floor. "Pretty cocky for a burglar, ain't cha?! What's close? The safe? Is that burglar speak or something?!"_

_Rukia looked up from her position on the floor, startled. "You…you can see me?!" she demanded. "And…you kicked me!" She looked slightly angry now, though the major expression on her face was still confusion._

_"Huh?" Ichigo asked, blinking. Then he scowled at her. "Stop yammering! Heck yeah I can see you!" Just then, the door burst open and a man ran in, wrestling around with him for a few minutes and telling him to be quiet – his father. He then explained that he was yelling because of the "burglar" in his room._

_"What?" the man asked, scratching at his chin. "Look at who?"_

_"Huh?" Ichigo asked; now it was his turn to be confused. "The chick in the Samurai gear." He jerked a thumb back over his shoulder at Rukia, who had stood up._

_"It is no use," she said quietly. She closed her eyes. "Normal people cannot see me." Suddenly, those bright, violet eyes opened again, their gaze piercing. "I'm a Soul Reaper."_

Ichigo couldn't help but smile at that one; Rukia was just acting so…well, so like Rukia. She tried to act all cool and collected, but everyone knew that she was easily flustered. And the man…was that his father? Had he always been such an oaf? But he didn't have any time to think, for the next memory was coming on now.

_It was nighttime, and Ichigo was standing on a street, staring at Rukia. She was sitting down on the ground, leaning against a light post; she was injured too, blood on her face from a wound. A few feet away, a Hollow was screaming its rage, holding its injured face. "Gimme the sword, Soul Reaper!" Ichigo said, stepping forward. "We'll try your plan!"_

_"Not 'Soul Reaper'," Rukia said, smiling softly. "I am Rukia Kuchiki."_

_Ichigo only grinned back in response. "Oh…Ichigo Kurosaki, nice to meetchya. Let's pray this won't be our last meeting." And with that, he gripped her zanpaku-to, setting it right above his heart._

_"Ready?"_

_"Yeah." _

_And then the sword pierced through him. There was a blinding flash of light, and then Ichigo was in a shihakusho, holding a zanpaku-to that was as tall as he was, massive and screaming with destructive power. The Hollow didn't last long._

Is that what had happened? Had Rukia…had she really made him a Soul Reaper? The next memory came swiftly.

_He was lying down on the ground, a huge hole in his chest from a deadly sword attack. It was hard to breathe, hard to even think. But he couldn't give up! _

_"You must not want that hand," a cool voice intoned from above him. He looked up to see a cold, precise face staring down at his hand, clutching the robes of the other._

_And then his hand was violently kicked away. He looked up, startled at what had caused that particular movement. He frowned. What was Rukia doing? "What're you doing, Ru-"_

_"You're a mere human!" Rukia barked at him harshly, glaring down at him. "How dare you touch my brother's shihakusho! Know your place – boy!" _

_Ichigo was confused. What was she doing? Was she throwing away everything that had happened in the past two months? "What?" he asked feebly, not understanding._

_"Let us go, brother!" Rukia intoned, turning around. "The boy's actions have awoken Rukia Kuchiki! Take me to the Soul Society! I shall humbly pay for my crime." _

_With a bit of effort, Ichigo pushed himself up off the ground a little. "Wait…what're you…what're you saying, Rukia?!" he asked, wheezing. He spluttered when a foot pushed him back down to the ground. He looked over his shoulder in surprise; it was Renji, bending down and keeping him in place._

_"Give up," the red-head said lazily. "Stop flailin' about and die like a good little boy." _

_Rukia turned back and looked at him painfully for a moment before speaking to her brother again. "Why sully your blade further on him? He will soon breathe his last anyway. Let us go, brother."_

_But Ichigo wasn't done yet. "Wait, Rukia!" he cried out, trying to push himself up. He couldn't get past Renji's weight on his back, but he was able to raise his chest up enough to look at her. "Quit joking around! Look at me!" She ignored him. "Hey!"_

_"Be still!" she barked out suddenly. But this time was different; her voice…it was broken, cracking with suppressed emotion. "Move one inch from there…try coming after me…and I…I will never forgive you!"_

That one hurt. What had happened that night? Why was Renji his enemy? And why was Rukia betraying him like that? He recognized the other man; that was Rukia's brother. Why had he come to visit him? They didn't normally interact, or so he'd been told. But he was soon taken away to another memory.

_It was different from the other times. Now, they were in Soul Society. There were on top of a large, broken scaffold, and Ichigo was holding Rukia in one of his arms like a doll. "Quit telling me to leave you alone and go home," he told her firmly. "I told you, I'm rejecting your protests! This is my second try. And this time, I'm going to save you, Rukia."_

_"Don't expect me to thank you…fool," Rukia whispered out through her tears. _

_"Fine," he said with a smirk. "I didn't expect you to."_

* * *

Renji was still sitting at Ichigo's side. It had been about an hour since Unohana had declared Ichigo braindead. A few people had come in to check on him, to see how Renji was faring, too – a forlorn Shuhei, a weeping Rukia, and even a stiff Byakuya Kuchiki, who claimed to be merely expressing his need to evaluate a situation that could have his sister in tears. Top-notch excuse, but an excuse none the less.

He still had hope that Ichigo was going to make it through this. Every so often, the orange-haired man would turn his head and make small, very quiet noises. Sometimes, Renji wasn't sure if Ichigo had even made the noises, if perhaps his mind was just placating him. But Isane, who was still in the room, claimed to hear them too, so he knew that wasn't the case. But what he wouldn't give to be able to help Ichigo!

There was a brief knock at the open door and Unohana walked in. Isane smiled at her Captain wanly before going back to the report she was writing. Unohana walked over to the bed and did her routine inspection before checking all the monitors. "I don't see anything new," she said sadly, moving on to the last monitors. "But I don't want…wait…"

Renji's ears perked up at that last. He looked up at her hopefully. "This…" she continued, reading a particular monitor. Isane was looking at her peculiarly now too, her ink brush frozen in her hands. "This…his brain…it's starting to function again!"

"What?!" Renji exclaimed wildly, standing up in his excitement. He leaned as far over the bed as possible to stare at the monitor Unohana was pointing to. Sure enough, the line – that had previously been almost flat – was starting to dip and climb again, like a normal brain activity pattern. "He's comin' back?!"

"Quite possibly," Unohana said, nodding. "Isane, go and get Urahara!" she ordered. "I believe he is staying in a house near where the Vizards are. We shall need him here in the next few moments in case Ichigo does awaken." Isane dropped the brush, not caring that it made a huge ink blot in the middle of the page, and rushed out the door to go fetch the shopkeeper.

"Is he gonna make it through this?" Renji asked apprehensively.

"I believe so, Renji," Unohana said, smiling in relief. "I do believe so."

* * *

Ichigo's memories regarding Rukia had long been completed by now. He had seen all the early days of his becoming a Soul Reaper. He had all the pieces of the puzzle, and was able to piece it together bit by bit in his mind. It wasn't easy, and it didn't make sense at times. But he was remembering things. He remembered how those first two months with Rukia had been; he remembered learning the basics of being a Soul Reaper, and how easily he had been cut down while trying to defend Rukia. He remembered how he'd been too weak to save her, and how'd he'd forced himself to get stronger.

Another memory came to his mind then. It didn't involve Rukia at all, strangely. Part of him was telling him to shake it off, to move on to the next, more important memory. But another part was yelling at him to ignore the other part, to listen to this memory. It said that this memory above all others was important.

_"Why do you run, Ichigo?" a deep, resonating voice asked him. Ichigo looked up. It was the old man…the same old man who'd saved him from completely becoming a Hollow! But…what was he doing here? He didn't answer, too busy avoiding that crazy Urahara guy. Since when did that loon have a zanpaku-to?! _

_"You still haven't called me," the man continued. Ichigo looked over his shoulder at the man. "Face forward, Ichigo. You should be able to hear it now. What's plugging your ears is only fear."_

_Suddenly, Ichigo stopped straight in his tracks. The old man was right; he __**was **__afraid. But he shouldn't be. He had no reason to be. Fear only led to defeat. He had to stay strong; he had to get stronger – to save Rukia, nothing less than his absolute best would suffice. _

_"There is only one enemy…and one of you," the old man said, drawing close to Ichigo so that he was standing right behind the orange-haired teenager. "What is there to fear? Abandon your fear. Face forward. Advance. Don't give an inch. Retreat and you will age. Be afraid and you will die! Shout…my name!" His voice had gotten louder and louder, his words fiercer and fiercer until at the last he was shouting in Ichigo's ears._

_Ichigo grabbed the hilt of the sword in his hands tightly, bringing it around to wield. He knew the name; he had known it all along. The old man had been right; it had just been hidden from him._

_"ZANGETSU!"_

* * *

Just as Urahara burst into the room, Ichigo's reiatsu skyrocketed. Renji jumped up from his seat anxiously. Unohana rushed over to the monitors, surveying their messages as quickly as possible. Urahara moved to the bedside as well, talking quickly with the fourth division Captain about the situation.

This time was different from when Ichigo's reiatsu had jumped up earlier. It wasn't as harsh, as malevolent, as it had been then. That had spoken of anger and pain. This time it spoke of power, calm, clean and controlled power. Did…did that mean what he thought it meant?

But unlike last time, his spiritual pressure continued to rise. It rose so high that even Renji, Urahara and Unohana were starting to feel its effects on them. The glass on the monitors shattered and the equipment went haywire, making odd noises as it malfunctioned. Isane was on the floor, completely quivering under the grip of such an intense pressure.

"What's happenin'?" Renji shouted at Unohana, raising his voice over the clamor of the room.

"I don't know!" she yelled back. "But we need to get his reiatsu down quickly before he ends up destroying the entire building with it!"

"How?" Renji asked.

"He needs his zanpaku-to," Urahara commented. He looked up at Renji. "Where is it?"

"I don't know!" Renji said, exasperated. "He didn't have one when we found him!"

"Then he needs a sword that can be transformed into his zanpaku-to!" Urahara said. "Quick, go to the weapons storage facility and get a standard katana! Bring it back here!"

Renji nodded and staggered out of the room and down the hall, ignoring the startled and frightened looks that members of the fourth division were giving him. He rushed out of the building and used shunpo to flash away to the nearest storage facility, just as Urahara had instructed him to. He pushed his way past the guard, ignoring the man's protest, and grabbed the nearest sword that he could find.

Just as he turned to leave and head back to the station, Ichigo's spiritual pressure hurtled upwards yet again. He had no doubts that were it to keep rising, it would be very, very dangerous. As it was, Soul Reapers were already beginning to come out onto the streets, looking around for the source of the intense pressure. He grimaced and began to race back to the relief station.

"Hold on, Ichigo," he muttered under his breath. "Just hang on!"

* * *

Shirosaki watched with glee as Ichigo shouted the name of his zanpaku-to, releasing a dense cloud of reiatsu that shattered much of the glass around them. This was it; his King had finally decided to remember something, to get off his pathetic ass and do something about the situation. The guy wasn't in any pain, that much he could tell; he was just struggling now to remember everything as quickly as possible, to get out of his inner world.

Suddenly, those brown eyes flashed open and he went still. His reiatsu shrank back to normal. He blinked. "I remembered," he said absently, moving up into a seated position. "It's all there now." He looked up at the spirit of Zangetsu, who was peering down at him intently. He grinned. "Hey, Zangetsu," he said.

"Then you remember who are you truly are?" the spirit questioned.

"Yeah…everything," Ichigo confirmed, scratching absently at the back of his head. "From when Rukia first made me a Soul Reaper to when Renji found me in that field in Rukongai." His eyes widened suddenly. "Oh, god, Renji!" He groaned. "He's gonna kill me for this!"

A stereo-like chuckle met his ears just then. "Don't ya worry 'bout that," a deep, resonating said. Ichigo looked around wildly for the voice. He was shocked to see a white nue appear from behind Zangetsu's fluttering coat, its yellowish eyes sparkling with amusement. "He'll be happy just to see ya survived wi' all yer memories."

"Z-Zabimaru?" Ichigo guessed. The creature only chuckled. "How the hell are you here? In my inner world?"

"Ichigo, it gets very lonely sometimes," Zangetsu said quietly, the hints of a smirk tugging up at the corners of his mouth. "You have a tendency to space out, and completely block out everything else. Zabimaru here is kind enough to keep me company sometimes."

"Ah, I do?" Ichigo asked, flushing slightly. "Well, I don't mean to. Sorry 'bout that."

"Considerin' the situation, ya got no reason to be sorry," Zabimaru commented gruffly. Ichigo was surprised that Renji's zanpaku-to spirit shared his speech patterns, but he found it somewhat endearing. "But now, ya ain't go nothin' to worry 'bout. Got both yer problems solved."

"Both my problems?" Ichigo repeated.

"Yep. Got yer memories back. An' ya got Renji wrapped 'round yer little finger."

Ichigo flushed scarlet. "Eh…" he said awkwardly, crossing his arms over his chest. Zangetsu chuckled a bit, while Shirosaki and Zabimaru both crowed with laughter.

Zangetsu recovered first. "You should be getting back, Ichigo," he advised. "They're getting worried about you."

"Oh, yeah," Ichigo said. "Probably should do that. But thanks, guys." And with that, he allowed himself to phase back into his real world.

Zabimaru turned to Zangetsu, a puzzled expression on its face. "What's he thankin' us for?" he asked quizzically. "We didn't do nothin'."

Zangetsu shrugged. "That's just the way Ichigo is," he said. He sighed and looked out at the shattered glass buildings. "I hope that this gets fixed soon. It's really quite horrible to have to live in a world of shattered glass." He stared down at a particularly ragged shard with disdain, as if he thought that staring at it would make it go away.

"Eh, ya can come over to Renji's place whenever ya want," Zabimaru said dismissively. "He's got a jungle over there, ya know. Nice place. Good 'n warm."

"I might just take you up on that offer." Zabimaru nodded and turned to leave, Zangetsu following him.

"Oi, old man!" Shirosaki suddenly cried out. Zangetsu paused and turned around, staring at the Hollow. "What about _those _memories? Ain'tcha gonna tell him 'bout the ones he ain't remembered?"

Zangetsu stiffened. "In time," he said quietly. "All things will come in their own good time. But that time is not now, Shirosaki. Leave it be for a while. Just leave it be."

* * *

Renji stared down at Ichigo anxiously; his reiatsu had sank back to normal just a few minutes ago, and he was currently just lying there on the bed, as if he were sleeping. Unohana had stated that his brain functions were back to normal, but it would have to wait until he woke up before they could ascertain whether or not he'd managed to regain his memories.

They'd managed to get his zanpaku-to to reform again, however. Urahara had explained that since he hadn't materialized with his zanpaku-to, it hadn't made the world transfer with him. Therefore, if he were to remember his weapon's name, any standard katana could be fused into his real zanpaku-to. It was a complicated process, and apparently only prestigious members of the Gotei 13 knew the ins and outs of the technique, but Renji didn't want to contest it. Zangetsu was propped against the wall of the room, and that was enough for him.

He stared down at Ichigo's face. The orange hair was getting a bit long; it would need a trim in a day or so. The scowl that normally had the brows brought down in a deep ridge was smoothed out, so that he looked only minimally annoyed. His full lips were slightly open, and there was an audible noise every time he took a breath. He was just wondering when he'd get to see those warm, chocolate brown eyes again when they flicked open, blinking a bit.

Ichigo stared at him for a moment. Unohana looked surprised, but quickly got to work on giving him a quick physical examination. She told Isane to leave the room with Urahara, to work on a report to submit to the Head Captain. But it was Renji with whom he was currently fascinated. His eyes didn't leave the red-head's, even when Unohana's careful fingers checked his temperature. After finishing the examination, she excused herself quietly and then left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Ichi…?" Renji asked quietly; the word came out hoarse and stiff. He cleared his throat with annoyance and then tried again. "Ichigo?"

"Yeah?" Ichigo asked softly.

"Do ya remember me?" Renji asked, hoping for the best but preparing himself for the worst.

Ichigo stared at him for a moment. "Hmm…" he said thoughtfully, "red-head, tattoos, dumbass, horrible grammar…yeah, I seem to remember somethin'."

Renji blinked at him, and then it dawned on him that Ichigo was just joking around. He scowled and brought his fist up, slamming it into Ichigo's left arm. Ichigo just snickered weakly. "Don't do that!" Renji yelled at him, furious. "I was worried 'bout ya and you're actin' like a little kid!"

"I know," Ichigo said quietly, his laughter abating. "Sorry." Renji still looked mad at him. "I was just tryin' to…shit…" he trailed off, realizing that what he'd said probably hadn't been the best.

"Yeah, I get it," Renji said, shifting to sit down on the bed. He took a few deep breaths, letting his anger seep out. This was a happy moment, a _good _moment. They didn't need to be mad at each other. He looked cautiously up at Ichigo. "You sure ya remember everything?"

"I remember you," Ichigo said. His eyes flicked over to the huge sword lying against the wall. "And Zangetsu." A faint smile made its way over his face. Suddenly, the door burst open. Rukia was standing there with Shuhei, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Rangiku and Kira fast on her heels.

"Ichigo!" Rukia cried out, rushing over to the bed. "You're not dead!"

"Tch," Ichigo snorted. "Course I'm not dead, idiot." He turned his head a bit more, looking at the others. "Hey, guys." He would've lifted a hand to greet them, but he suddenly found that he was extraordinarily tired.

"Ya look like shit, Ichigo," Ikkaku pointed out dryly, drawing chuckles from a few of them.

"Feel like it, too," Ichigo said, grinning himself.

"Forget that! Do you remember anything?" Rukia asked quickly, cutting off anything else the bald man might've said.

"Sode no Shirayuki," Ichigo said quietly. Rukia paused; she hadn't told him the name of her zanpaku-to. Not once, not ever. The only time he'd heard it…had been when she released it during her fight with the Arrancar D-Roy all those years ago. "That's your zanpaku-to's name." His eyes flicked to his own weapon. "And mine's Zangetsu."

Rukia suddenly tackled him with enough force to completely knock the wind from his lungs. He gasped in surprise. "Rukia!" he cried out. "Let go of me! Can't-breathe!" When he started turning red from lack of oxygen, she finally released him, leaving him spluttering. "God, don't do that!" she said, scowling at her.

"Sorry!" she said, blinking rapidly to clear the moisture from her eyes. "I just couldn't help it! You're back." She smiled at him brightly.

"And I'm tired as hell," Ichigo said, after not quite being able to stifle a huge yawn. He looked over at everyone wearily. He didn't want to ask them to leave, but he really wanted to sleep. Apparently losing your memories and then regaining them took a lot out of you.

"Yeah, c'mon, you guys, get lost," Renji said gruffly, moving to shuffle them out of the room.

"Why do you get to stay, Renji?" Rukia asked teasingly; she, of course, was the only one who knew of the change in their relationship. He had told her when she'd come to visit him earlier. "Huh, why you?"

Renji flushed scarlet. "Fuck, you know why, Rukia," he muttered.

"What're you talkin' about?" Ikkaku demanded, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Yes, Renji, why aren't you leaving too?" Yumichika asked.

"Because…well…" Renji started, not sure of how to put things.

"They're in love!" Rangiku squealed suddenly, clapping her hands together. Everyone turned to stare at her, Shuhei, Ikkaku and Yumichika in shock and Rukia, Renji and Ichigo in exasperation. She frowned when she saw everyone staring at her. "Well, it's true!" she said defensively.

"Alright, alright, leave these two alone for now!" Rukia said, ushering everyone out of the door. "I'll tell you guys everything later!" Once she got out the door, having successfully cleared the room, she turned back to Renji and Ichigo. "You two _so _owe me."

"Yeah," Renji said, not able to help the slight smile that crept across his face. She smiled at them and closed the door, leaving them completely alone. Renji awkwardly sat down on the bed beside Ichigo. "Well…everyone knows now," he said softly.

Ichigo shrugged. "Don't care," he muttered.

"You don't?" Renji asked, blinking.

"Well, why should I?" Ichigo asked, turning to stare at the red-head. "It's not like we're gonna go around in public makin' out or anything like that. It's a private thing, so who cares who knows?" He yawned again. "'M tired."

"Ya really don't care that everyone knows?" Renji asked.

"No," Ichigo said, more emphatically this time. "I couldn't give a rat's ass at this point."

Renji nodded, and a silence fell between them. Then, slowly, Renji reached up and took one of Ichigo's hands, intertwining their fingers. Ichigo looked over at him. "I…I really woulda missed ya…if ya'd forgotten everything," he admitted. "Wasn't sure you were gonna make it outta there. Looked pretty hopeless for a while, there."

Ichigo smiled at him wearily. "Doesn't matter now," he said. "It didn't happen, so don't worry about it. I'm still here, and I've got my memories back."

"That's good," Renji said, snorting. "Wouldn't have wanted to teach you everythin' again." He smirked.

"What?!" Ichigo demanded. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"'Xactly what it sounds like," Renji said. He cut off Ichigo's protest by firmly pressing his lips against the other's. Ichigo stopped mid-sentence, pausing only for a moment, before letting his eyes slip shut and kissing back. It wasn't a lustful kiss, or a rough one. Instead, it was just loving and thankful.

After all, they both had plenty to be thankful for, didn't they?

* * *

Haha, I could totally end it right there, couldn't I? But I'm not done yet. There'll be one more chapter where everything (well most everything - there is a sequel, after all, can't tie up all the lose ends!!) gets resolved. Plus tehe, maybe some smut?! We'll see XD.

Even though it's not over yet, I wanna thank everyone who reviewed this story, or faved it or anything else. You guys seriously rock and make me wanna write even more. If it wasn't for you guys, I actually probably wouldn't have continued this, lol. If I could like send everyone candy, I totally would!!

And also...for the sequel, I was thinking that I should probably get a beta to help edit my horrible grammar points. I normally edit my own stuff, but you know...I'm not too great at catching my own mistakes. So if you guys know anybody or even if you wanna volunteer or something, I would seriously love you forever. In a non-creepy way of course, lol.

Review? Pwease?


	18. Conflict Resolution

Ah, it's over!! It's so sad!!

Seriously, I've spent like the past two months focusing on this story and wondering how I was gonna end things and what I wanted to happen...now it's over and I have like nothing to do for a while XD. Ah, well. This won't be the end, or anything. Besides, I'm already planning out a sequel, so hopefully you'll come read that when I get it posted!! A big thank you to everyone who read this story, or reviewed, or faved, or whatever else you did. I've had so much fun writing it and you guys are seriously the best just for reading it.

So...during this chapter, if you want music, I suggest you listen to some Nine Inch Nails. They've got some good music to accompany smut. I'm gonna write a one-shot to one of their songs while I'm finishing the plot line for the sequel - which will be called Tintinnabulation, by the way - so that I can practice my smut writing skills. God knows I need it XD.

* * *

The next morning, Ichigo was released from the fourth division relief center. He hadn't truly been injured, but Urahara and Unohana both had wanted to keep him overnight just in case something happened. Renji had wanted to stay with him, but Ichigo had made him go home; the red-head still had to work the next day, after all. And he'd already missed quite a few days thanks to Ichigo.

So Rukia had been there to take him back to Renji's house instead. It had been decided that he was going to stay there until it was decided what was to be done with him. There was going to be a Captain's meeting that night to discuss what should happen, a meeting which he was expected to attend. He wasn't sure what to expect of that; he wasn't nervous. It was more of an…apprehension, he supposed.

It was strange, being in Renji's house, knowing that the other was in Soul Society, but wasn't around. He had laid Zangetsu down against the wall near the front door and then gone to clean up the bathroom. Renji had been sure to inform him of the mess he'd made in there when he'd fainted. He hated saying that he'd _fainted. _It made him sound so weak. He preferred "fell unconscious". It didn't sound quite so squeamish, even if it didn't make complete sense.

After that, he'd fixed something to eat, eaten, and then lay down on the couch after he'd cleaned up. He had a lot to think about. For one, what was going to happen to him now? He'd passed on to becoming a full Soul Reaper; that much, at least, was obvious. But would he have to go to the Academy? Would he even have a position in a division, or would he just be the floating Soul Reaper who went wherever he was needed?

He knew from his conversations with Renji that the third and seventh divisions were still without Captains. Kira was acting as the Captain for third and was managing pretty nicely; well, considering Ichimaru's work ethic, it wasn't surprising that the blond man knew how to handle a division well. The seventh, on the other hand, was a different matter. When Captain Komamura had died with Tosen during the War, Iba had stepped up to help keep his division together. But he wasn't ready to become a Captain. It wasn't that the potential wasn't there – he just wasn't ready for it yet.

And then there were Ichigo and Ikkaku. Ikkaku's bankai hadn't been able to be kept a secret during the war. Everyone knew about it now. But the man was adamant about keeping himself in Zaraki's division, even though the Gotei 13 desperately needed him to man up. He'd managed to elude everyone for five years, but Renji had confided to Ichigo that he wasn't so sure how much longer their friend could continue to do that.

And then there was Ichigo himself. It was common knowledge that he was as strong as, if not stronger than, most of the Captains. He was a good leader – having led his small band of friends during the War to multiple victories – and had a pretty good feel for strategy for someone who'd never spent any time studying the practices of battle. But he'd never gone to the Academy. He had never passed any sort of examination to become a Soul Reaper. He'd been thrust into the job by necessity. He couldn't use kido, he couldn't manipulate reiatsu very well, and he had an inner Hollow. It was as if every pro to him becoming a Captain was matched with several cons.

He sighed. He honestly didn't know if he was comfortable becoming a Captain. Sure, he realized that he was needed for the position. And it wasn't the paperwork that scared him – though Renji had assured him that it was a nightmare from the deepest, darkest corner of hell. He just wasn't sure whether or not he could successfully lead a group of people. Those people's lives would be in his hands. He didn't want anybody to die because he made a stupid mistake. It was that stupid protective impulse he had. Rukia had given it a technical term once, but he couldn't remember what it was.

"Whadda _you _think, Zangetsu?" Ichigo asked quietly, consulting his zanpaku-to's spirit for the first time since he'd regained his memories. "'Bout me becomin' a Captain?"

_I have no doubts in your abilities, _the old man remarked in a faded voice. _There was never any question about that. It is up to you whether or not you want to accept such a heavy responsibility. Being a Captain of an entire division is not an easy burden to bear, and you must be absolutely sure that it is what you want before you accept. _

"Yeah…figured you'd say something like that," Ichigo said, smirking a bit. He let his eyelids droop a bit, relaxing.

**Well, what th' hell'd ya ask fer, then? **Shirosaki asked rudely, snickering. He'd discontinued the death threats, but he'd unfortunately gone back to his snide, leering self. What a pity.

"Shut up," Ichigo muttered.

"Well, that ain't very nice," a voice commented from the doorway. Ichigo opened his eyes all the way and looked over to the door. Renji was standing there, a smirk on his face. He slid the door shut and and took off his Captain's haori, throwing it across a random table after he set down Zabimaru by Zangetsu. "I just get home an' you're already tellin' me to shut up!"

"Idiot," Ichigo snorted, not helping the grin that tugged at his mouth. "You know I wasn't talkin' to you." He scooted up on the couch a bit so that Renji could sit down on the end cushion.

The red-head sat down with a sigh, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "I know," he said.

"What s' matter?" Ichigo asked, frowning a bit.

"Eh, just tired," Renji said, shrugging. "Been a lot goin' in the past few days." He gave Ichigo a sardonic smirk. Ichigo threw his hands up in a so-sue-me gesture. "Ya ready for that Captain's meetin' later?"

"I've thought about it a bit," Ichigo admitted. "Dunno what they're gonna do, though." He eyed his lover speculatively. "What do you think? About me as a Captain, I mean?"

Renji turned to look at him, giving him an appraising eye. "Hmm…dunno 'bout that," he said. "You're pretty stupid sometimes. Downright dumbasstic in some cases."

"Dumbasstic?" Ichigo repeated, snorting. "That ain't a word."

"Yes, it is!" Renji insisted. "Just made it up."

"Seriously, though, what do you think?"

"It ain't a question of would ya be good enough, Ichi," Renji said quietly, saying much the same thing that Zangetsu had said earlier. "It's a question of what _you _wanna do. Soul Society needs ya, but it's ultimately your decision." A wicked gleam suddenly came into his eyes. "But I have to say…ya'd look pretty damn hot in that Captain's haori."

Ichigo smirked, sitting up a bit more and shifting closer to his lover. "Oh, really?" he asked, exaggerating surprise. "How hot would that be?"

"Pretty damn hot," the red-head answered, closing the gap between them and capturing Ichigo's lips with his own. It wasn't a sweet kiss, a loving kiss. This one was lusty and filled with desire, loving in a way that was different from anything Ichigo had ever experienced. His mind ceased to think about anything except getting more. He pushed himself closer to the other on the couch, so that their bodies were entwined together. Renji's hands were loosely wrapped behind Ichigo's back, slipping into the fabric of his shirt and caressing the muscles on his back. Ichigo's hands were glued to the red-head's face, keeping their faces firmly locked together.

Feeling himself growing hotter, Ichigo opened his mouth and gently poked his tongue at Renji's lower lip. He'd let Renji top him the first time, but that didn't mean he was going to be submissive every time! Renji willingly opened his mouth and let Ichigo explore with his tongue. He groaned into the kiss when Ichigo moved his hands from his face and slipped them up into the folds of his shihakusho, tracing his fingers along the muscles there.

"Ichi…" he groaned out, pulling the other even closer to him. He growled when Ichigo removed his tongue and bit down on the lower lip just hard enough to cause a twinge of pain. He licked at it with his tongue, loving the noises his lover was making. "We might…wanna take this somewhere…better," Renji advised, gripping Ichigo's shoulders tightly.

"Like where?" Ichigo whispered against the delicate skin of the other's skin.

Renji shivered. "Like…somewhere we can finish this," he muttered. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest; he had never bottomed for anyone before, and he wasn't used to being submissive. But with Ichigo being so dominant like this…it was a major turn on, and he could feel his body responding to it.

Ichigo chuckled against his neck, licking at his ear. "Got a preference?" he asked. Renji shook his head, unable to form words while Ichigo was attacking his ear. "'Cause honestly…I don't feel like being in a bed right now." Without warning, he wrenched his mouth away, leaning back to stare at his lover.

"Shower – now," Renji managed out. They both scrambled away, rushing to the bathroom, where Renji shut the door and locked it while Ichigo got the water running. Once it was on, and they were just waiting for it to get hot, they turned around to face each other. They stared for just a mere moment before they found themselves attached to the other, coaxing clothes from around shoulders and hips as lips furiously moved as one.

Once the restriction of clothes was gone, they climbed into the shower, not wanting to lose any contact. Renji roughly shoved Ichigo against the wall, letting himself get a moment of dominance in. He didn't even wait to ask for entrance to the other mouth, instead using the gasp that came out of the younger man's mouth to plunder that rich, hot cavern. Ichigo moaned in response.

He let Renji have his way for a minute before he ground his hips into the other's, getting a delicious moan in response. It just felt so good, so intensely pleasurable, that friction. Ichigo used the momentary lapse in Renji's assault to switch their positions so that Renji was the one against the wall of the shower. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to do this, considering that Renji was still several inches taller than him, despite having five years to grow a bit. But that wasn't going to stop him.

Renji wasn't quite good at being at submissive, though. Every time Ichigo would do something, he'd try to take over; the younger would have to push the other back, convince him that he could be on top as well as on bottom. Suddenly, it dawned on him that there was a way he could take control of this situation. Grinning into the swollen lips that were currently pressed firmly against his, he stepped back a bit. Renji opened his eyes, confused; he gasped when Ichigo's fingers grasped him firmly around his length, squeezing tightly. The gasp turned into a moan later, and he broke away, letting his head fall down on Ichigo's shoulder.

Ichigo lazily began to run his fingers over the swollen flesh, stroking teasingly. "You need to behave," he whispered in the red-head's ear. He squeezed a little harder that time, eliciting a low moan from his lover.

"Ichigo…" Renji murmured breathlessly. He groaned again and bit down on the skin of Ichigo's shoulder.

Finally deciding what he was going to do, Ichigo shut off the shower head so that the tap would fill up the tub. They sat down in a tangle of limbs and Ichigo fumbled with the plug for the drain while their tongues danced together. As the water filled up, they continued to kiss fervently, their hands moving of their own accord over wet muscles and through slick hair. So busy were they that Ichigo just barely turned off the faucet in time before the tub overflowed.

Ichigo had carefully maneuvered them so that Renji was sitting on his lap; now, he made full use of that as he drug his hands down the muscles on his lover's back, slipping beneath the water to grip his backside. Renji growled appreciatively into the kiss at that. Ichigo broke away then, his fingers slipping down even more to circle against the other's entrance. Renji shuddered against him at the unfamiliar sensation and murmured something.

"What was that?" Ichigo asked.

"Feels weird," Renji grunted.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Course it does, idiot," he said. "You ever done this before?"

"Whaddya think?" Renji demanded, pulling back just enough to glare at him. "Ya really think I'd ever let anyone but you top me?"

That simple admission floored Ichigo. Renji'd never let anyone do this to him before? He supposed it didn't really surprise him; he honestly couldn't see Renji _letting _anyone dominate him in that sense. Renji was too aggressive to be a bottom most of the time. The very fact that he was letting Ichigo do this to him really opened Ichigo's eyes to the depth of their relationship.

Instead of answering his lover's questions, Ichigo just captured Renji's lips with another searing kiss while finally slipping his finger inside the other's heat. Renji groaned against his lips, letting himself get used to the feeling. Ichigo tried his best to keep Renji's mind off the intruding digits by feeling around in the other's mouth with his tongue. When Renji started to return the kiss more fervently, instead of just letting Ichigo do the work, Ichigo slipped another finger inside.

After a few more moments, he slipped in yet another finger. Renji broke away then with a groan. Ichigo knew from experience that the first time was the most painful because you didn't know what to expect. But he had a way of making Renji see stars – literally. Curling his fingers, he reached for that little bundle of nerves that he knew had to be in there somewhere. As his fingers brushed up against it, Renji gasped and sat up straight, his back arching lithely.

"Shit!" he cried out hoarsely, breathing heavily in the aftereffects. His wildly roving eyes connected with Ichigo. "That's what it feels like?" he demanded. Ichigo smirked and nodded, removing his fingers.

"Are you ready?" he asked the red-head.

Renji just lifted himself up a bit and slid himself down onto Ichigo's erection while the other held himself still. They both groaned at the sensation. It was so different, Ichigo thought, being on the top and the bottom. The beginning sensations on the bottom were painful, burning, and intense. But on the top…it was insanely taxing for him to not just lose it there and thrust away wildly. He was almost shaking, it was so hard. But he wanted to wait for Renji, make sure that the other was okay, before he started to move.

Renji was breathing a bit harder than he normally did, but he didn't seem to be in major pain. "Move," he grunted out a few seconds later, gripping onto Ichigo's shoulders. Ichigo easily complied, pulling out slightly before thrusting upward into that hot, delicious heat. It was a bit awkward at first – seeing as how he'd never even had sex with a woman before – but they found an easy enough rhythm, Renji meeting him halfway.

Sweat slid down their bodies and mingled with the water that floated around them. Groans and grunts of pure need filled the air in the bathroom as hands clutched as shoulders and mouths connected. Desire was the only thing running through their minds at the moment.

Ichigo angled his thrusts a bit more, aiming for that one particular spot that made this so pleasurable for the bottom. When he hit it, Renji moaned again, arching his back as far as it would go. "Mmm…Ichigo…do that again," the red-head said. Ichigo did as he was told as they moved together again in ways that had Renji almost constantly making _some _noise or another. Sensing that neither of them had much energy left, Ichigo reached between them and began stroking his lover's erection, bringing them both towards their climax.

After one particularly hard thrust, Renji shuddered and stilled, shouting Ichigo's name as he came all over the other's waiting hand. Ichigo, feeling all of the muscles surrounding his own erection tightening, let out his own heady moan before releasing himself. They collapsed against each other, breathing heavily. The water was cold by now, and they were really starting to notice it, but neither of them moved. All that mattered right now was being in the other's arms.

"Damn," Renji muttered, his voice tickling Ichigo's neck as he spoke. "Never thought bein' on the bottom felt that way." Ichigo just chuckled in response, too tired to say anything. "Eh…should probably move this somewhere else." Ichigo nodded his agreement and they reluctantly parted, getting out of the bathroom quickly, doing as little clean-up as they possibly could.

They made it to the bedroom before they finally collapsed on each other, a tangled mess of limbs and hair and sheets. They didn't even bother putting clothes on. It was warmer now, and comforting, being in the arms of someone you knew didn't judge you, and honestly cared about you.

"This feels…so…right," Ichigo commented softly.

"Yeah?" Renji said, inviting Ichigo to elaborate more.

"I…I didn't know if it was gonna work out…you and me," Ichigo admitted. "But…the way this feels…how can it _not _be right?"

Renji grinned a bit. "Know what ya mean," he said, drawing Ichigo tight against him. "Always thought it was too good to be true, ya know? But now…doesn't seem fair that we get everythin' we want. But…honestly, I do."

Ichigo snickered. "Wouldn't mind Rukia bein' a bit nicer every now and then," he said.

"Yeah, well, that's a given," Renji said, leaning over to kiss him gently. "Love the way you taste," he added thoughtfully. Ichigo couldn't help but flush a bit, which only made his lover chuckle with glee. "Ya ain't embarrassed, are ya, Ichi?"

"It's just weird," Ichigo said. "I'm not used to bein' this close to anyone."

"Ain't you ever been in a relationship with anyone before?" Renji asked. Ichigo shook his head. "So…I'm your…first?"

"And last," Ichigo said, looking down. Upon hearing that, Renji grabbed his chin, forced him to look up, to look him in the eyes. Ichigo could see the unspoken question in his lover's eyes, and answered it. "I ain't gonna leave you, Ren. Never."

"'Ren'?" Renji repeated.

Ichigo frowned. "If you insist on callin' me Ichi, then I get to call you Ren!" he snapped.

"Ain't complainin'," Renji said easily.

"Good," Ichigo said. A comfortable silence fell between them. He tried to slip away into a short nap, but thoughts kept plaguing Ichigo's mind. Thoughts about the Captain's meeting later on that evening. He wasn't worried about being late; they had a good six hours, and he generally had a pretty good internal alarm clock going for him. He wasn't even truly nervous. But he didn't know what to expect.

"What's got ya so tense?" Renji asked, his voice quiet.

"The meeting later," Ichigo admitted after a moment.

"What about it?"

"Dunno," Ichigo said, shrugging. "It's just that…I don't know what to expect, I guess. And I really, really, _really _don't wanna be forced to go to the Academy for six years."

"Heh, I don't either," Renji admitted. "I'd miss ya a whole lot."

"Would we not be able to see each other?" Ichigo asked, surprised.

"Well, we would, but we'd both have our own responsibilities," Renji explained. "I gotta be a Captain. You'd have to focus on your trainin'." He couldn't help but smirk a bit at that.

"Shut up," Ichigo said.

"But no matter what happens…we still got each other," Renji said a few minutes later. His tone of voice was speculative, surprisingly. He looked down at Ichigo. "Right?"

"Right."

* * *

Later at the Captain's meeting hall, Ichigo found himself fidgeting beside Renji. The meeting hadn't officially started yet, and not all of the Captains were there, but he still found it odd. He couldn't help but think about what could go wrong. What if they didn't want him here? What if they made him go off and live with the Vizards? That would be hell, living with Shinji and Hiyori. He'd rather gouge his eyes out with a spoon.

The remaining Captains filed in during the next few minutes, talking mindlessly about little things, like the weather or plans for their divisions. They would give their regards to Ichigo and Renji, if they even spoke at all. Soi Fon walked in in such a brown study that she didn't even notice it when she bumped into Byakuya. She just moved around him and continued muttering to herself, leaving the cold Kuchiki just standing there, staring after her.

When the Head Captain came into the room, everyone took their customary places in the two lines at either side. Ichigo was standing next to Renji uncomfortably in the place where the third division Captain would normally be.

"Thank you all for coming tonight at such short notice," Yamamoto said in his dry voice. "We have several matters to discuss, the key of which concern Ichigo Kurosaki." Several pairs of eyes flickered over to Ichigo, which didn't help his nerves out at all. "First and foremost, I must offer my gratitude to Captain Unohana, for acting quickly to help save Kurosaki's life." He nodded his head a bit.

"It was nothing, Head Captain," Unohana said quietly. "I merely supervised the entire thing; Ichigo saved himself."

"But another question presents itself to us," Yamamoto continued, somewhat ignoring Unohana's remark. "What is to be done with this man? He has proven himself to be of superior strength, as seen in several of his battles against our own Captains." Byakuya's gaze grew rather cold at that remark while Kenpachi only grinned maniacally. "However, he has not gone to the Academy for training, and I have been informed that he has never been taught anything of our ways. I am asking now for your opinions on this subject."

Captain Ukitake instantly stepped forward. "I see no reason why we shouldn't instate Ichigo as a Captain immediately," he said. "He has shown himself to be a strong leader in the War, and has tremendous potential. In many ways…he reminds me of my old lieutenant." He smiled fondly, obviously recalling some old memory in his mind. "He can be taught our ways and laws. And while I do not think that we should disregard the fact that he hasn't gone to the Academy, I also don't think we can afford to have two empty spots in the Gotei 13's ranked commanding officers any longer." He stepped back to let someone else take the floor.

"I agree with you there, Ukitake," Soi Fon said, stepping forward to take her turn. "Never before have there been two empty Captain's positions in our ranks. They must be filled – immediately. But he must be trained first. He obviously knows how to use his zanpaku-to, and if Lady Yoruichi was his instructor in shunpo, there is nothing more we can teach him there. But his reiatsu control is limited at best."

Ichigo couldn't help but bristle a bit at that. Sure, he knew he wasn't that best at that stuff – but hell, he tried his hardest to keep it contained! And he hadn't had nearly as much time to get the hand of being a Soul Reaper! They'd all had centuries. He'd had five years before he'd died.

"He ain't goin' to the Academy," Kenpachi growled as soon as Soi Fon stepped back. "That'd be an insult, sendin' someone like him there with a bunch of newbies. No way in hell. I won't stand for it."

"Then what do you propose be done about Kurosaki's insufficiencies?" Byakuya asked coolly. Ichigo scowled at that; it was bad enough when someone insulted you. But to have Byakuya throw one of _those _insults – the sly, subtle ones – just ticked him off.

"He can be taught," Ukitake added in. "There are those among us who are very proficient at things like kido. There's no reason why he can't be taught while being a Captain."

"Are you stupid, Ukitake?" Mayuri Kurotsuchi demanded shrilly. "His subordinates would never take him seriously! There would be no law in whatever division he was given. He cannot take on a Captaincy role without some rudimentary training!"

"'S much as I hate to say it, the guy's right," Renji admitted gruffly. "Some of my men don't always give me the respect due a Captain, an' I went to the Academy all six years! Course a little chat with Zabimaru always fixes that problem…" he trailed off, breaking into a grin that he shot Ichigo.

"Violence is not the answer, Captain Abarai," Yamamoto admonished sternly. He shifted his eyes to the rest of them. "We have decided that we have not the time to send Kurosaki to the Academy. Then I will make this decision – he will be given a much modified training program for the next six months, in which he will be taught kido and our laws and way of life. He will continue to live with Captain Abarai during that time. After six months are complete, if he has shown himself to have completed the program with passing marks according to the Academy's scoring, he shall be placed into the Captaincy of either the third or seventh division."

"Which division, sir?" Ukitake asked. He looked down the row of Captains to Renji. "Renji, since you know him best, who do you think Ichigo would work better with, Lieutenant Kira or Lieutenant Iba?"

"I'd hafta say Kira," Renji replied. "They worked together a bit durin' the War, an' Kira's knows him better than Iba." He looked over to Ichigo. "That right?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said.

"Then it is settled," Yamamoto intoned. "If in six months' time, Ichigo does pass the training we are imposing upon him, he will be instated as the new Captain of the third division."

* * *

It was late that night. They had retired to bed at least an hour ago, but Ichigo couldn't seem to fall asleep. It was eluding him; it wasn't even that he was too awake to sleep. He was exhausted, and he wanted to slip away into dreams, but he couldn't. He sighed and resumed counting the individual leaves on the tree outside the window. He'd already done it twice, but he'd come up with different numbers, so he was doing it yet a third time to see what number was right.

"Three hundred and sixty-eight?" he asked himself in exasperation when he'd finished counting. "How'd I get that?" The first time he'd counted three hundred and thirty-five. The second he'd come out at an even four hundred. So how'd he get three hundred and sixty-eight? Well, that was officially out as a way to get him to sleep. It obviously wasn't boring enough.

Renji groaned and shifted in his sleep, involuntarily pulling Ichigo closer to him. "Mmmm…Ichigo…why aren't ya sleepin'?" he murmured into the pillow. "It's the middle of the night."

"Can't sleep," Ichigo replied softly.

"Why not?"

Ichigo turned to look at his lover. Renji had opened his eyes blearily and was staring at him, waiting for his response. "I'm…not sure," he said finally. "Guess I'm just too wound up."

"'Bout what?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Nothin' in particular," he said. "It's just that so much 's happened in one day. Kinda hard to take in, you know?"

Renji nodded. "Ya don't gotta worry too much about it," he said. "Even if ya don't pass that stupid program they're makin' ya do, you'll still be a Captain someday. You're too strong to not be one. An' I don't think you'll have a problem with it." He yawned. "Ya got everything ya need, Ichigo."

"Yeah, I know," Ichigo said. He wasn't sure why, but hearing Renji say the things his mind had been repeating to him for the last hour or so made them seem so much more real, more tangible. Perhaps it was just the very fact that he wasn't saying them; someone else was. He found himself feeling really grateful to Renji in that moment. He turned on his side then, moving so that he could rest his head on Renji's arm, sprawled out on the sheet. The red-head lazily threw a leg over Ichigo's, pinning him there effectively. "Thanks, Renji," he whispered.

The red-head shrugged. "'S what friends do," he said. His eyes slipped closed again. Ichigo could tell that he was already almost asleep again, and he'd never truly woken up. "Love you, Ichigo."

Ichigo pressed himself closer to his lover. "Love you too, Renji." He didn't need to worry about tomorrow, or the day after that, or even the day after that. Whatever would happen, would happen. All he could do was live in the moment, and roll with the punches. And besides, with people like Renji by his side…what more did he need?

With that comforting thought in mind, he finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

So that's it. Everything's done now. -sniffles- Kinda sad. But let's not get into that again. So, yeah, sorry if there were any spelling errors in the last part of this - I ran out of time. Just tell me or something and I'll fix it.

So, wanna leave a review and tell me how you liked this series? Even if you've never reviewed before or anything, I'd love to know how you liked it!!

Guess this is it until the next one!!


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